I don't know if I can do this anymore

Old 07-26-2005, 09:32 AM
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I don't know if I can do this anymore

My A husband and I are seperated, and I continue to allow him to suck the life out of me. It seems he tries to show me more and more each day how little he cares about me, and I keep allowing myself to get hurt. He is a lying, conniving, paranoid crazy person with whom I can't have a rational conversation with anymore.
We were married for 15 years and together for close to 20 altogether. I have a chronic pain condition. We have 3 young children, and I have had a nanny to help me with them for a year because of my condition. Due to the seperation and money issues, I will be losing her in 2 weeks and I am scared to death. I leaned heavily on my husband emotionally, especially after I got sick. Now I find I cannot even talk to him on the phone. I feel like I have no one. My body is in tremendous pain, and my brain isn't working too well either. I call my sponser and others from my Al anon groups and get no return calls. I know it's summer and people are busy, but that does not seem right to me. In person, they tell me what a great job I am doing. I don't get it.
Any ideas??
Thanks
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Old 07-26-2005, 09:52 AM
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the girl can't help it
 
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((((naM)))

You know no matter what we are recovering from it is still oneday at a time with the steps.

I am very sorry you and your H are separated. Geeze I know you are hurting over that one.

My only advice is keep the focus on yourself and do something for you....take care.
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Old 07-26-2005, 10:38 AM
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The chronic pain may be intensified due to the situation you are in. Try to focus and recognize this fact. Being scared is partly due to feeling insecure about your strentghs. There are churches and agencies out there to help. Try a mental health clinic and see if you qualify for childrens services. Not knowing all the facts I can not do much for you other then pray. Many states have funding and free services. A mental health agency has many resources to pull from. Being fearful often opens the door to depression. Spend time brainstorming and journaling about things you can change and let you fears be known. When you write them down they look smaller. Take one fear at a time and break it down instead of trying to figure them all out at once. Being a Social Worker, I wish I was there to visit with you and give the hope that is really there. It is just hard for you to see it through tear filled eyes.
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Old 07-26-2005, 02:12 PM
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Have ya tried praying?

Turning it ALL over to HP?

Then doing footwork?

How may al-anon friends have you called? If its 6, then call 7....if yu dont know 6, then get to meetings, conventions, assemblies,,whatever function there is and start making more. We get out of it what we put into it. Your right, it is summer, people do go away, but not the whole fellowship.

I would suspect that as your perspective is a little befuddled now, that may be the reason for the self pity. Chose how long you want to be in it, then when the time is up, get up and on with the footwork to find acceptance in your situation and solutions to make it livable.

Theres always a solution, its up to us to find it! good luck!
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Old 07-26-2005, 06:20 PM
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Originally Posted by nmamommy
My A husband and I are seperated, and I continue to allow him to suck the life out of me. It seems he tries to show me more and more each day how little he cares about me, and I keep allowing myself to get hurt. He is a lying, conniving, paranoid crazy person with whom I can't have a rational conversation with anymore.
We were married for 15 years and together for close to 20 altogether. I have a chronic pain condition. We have 3 young children, and I have had a nanny to help me with them for a year because of my condition. Due to the seperation and money issues, I will be losing her in 2 weeks and I am scared to death. I leaned heavily on my husband emotionally, especially after I got sick. Now I find I cannot even talk to him on the phone. I feel like I have no one. My body is in tremendous pain, and my brain isn't working too well either. I call my sponser and others from my Al anon groups and get no return calls. I know it's summer and people are busy, but that does not seem right to me. In person, they tell me what a great job I am doing. I don't get it.
Any ideas??
Thanks
Hey.
My parents are sort of in the same place as you. They are seperated and don ont know if they should get back together or not. And yes my dad is an alcoholic. Have you tried talking with him in person? It might be easier to have someone there with you while your talking like parents, uncles, or anyone. But when life really turns you down just turn to God. He will always be there ofr you and have answers. And you have to be strong for your kids.

Hope I helped!
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Old 08-01-2005, 12:08 PM
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Hey hang in there!! Do something for you. You know I bought some gorgeous bubble bath last week. I just made the bath up to the rim and sat in it for an hour!! I did the face pack thing, the nails, deep conditioner. I am now going to go to bed .... alone.. and have some ME time. Try it!! Sometimes just stepping out of the drama for half an hour can make some things seem a bit clearer. Do something nice for yourself. And remember we are all here on SR for you.... 24 hours!!!! ((HUG))
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Old 08-01-2005, 06:42 PM
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Friend of Bill- I think you need to tone it down on saying anything about'self pity' Chronic pain is a horrible thing to try to cope with. I had severe migraines for many years and with small children it is a nightmare to try to care for them when you are in pain. I think a little compassion would go a lot further than thinking every thing has an solution. Have you ever been on your own and trying to deal everyday with small childrn, pain and money problems. It is a very stressful situation.
Hugs and prayers for you nmamommy. Are you under a doctor's care for the pain? dax
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Old 08-01-2005, 08:15 PM
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Yes, Dax, I have.
Thanks for asking.

Perhaps that is why I suggested the solution that worked for me. I call it as I see it cus I been there..and yes, I have found that self pity made my problems ten times worse.

I prefer to live in gratitude and the glass is half full view frame today.
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Old 08-02-2005, 05:23 AM
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Friend of Bill- How did you get rid of your chronic pain? Or learn to cope with it? A little real life advice might be helpful here. In my case, I suffered much in my 40s . I did not get any real relief until they came out with Imetrix which stops my migraines . And are you a double winner???? dax
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Old 08-02-2005, 07:43 AM
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Hi nmamommy,

Giving you a BIG hug ((()))!!! I know you must feel all alone, but you're not. There are people that can help you like was suggested before. Call the county that you live in and social services.....they can give you info on how to help get help with the kids and some counseling for you.

I know what daily pain is like. I had colon cancer two years ago and went through a year of hospital test after hospital test. This was just a year after my Mom died of a sudden heart attack and 5 yrs after my Dad died of colon cancer. I felt really alone. My faith has carried me through the toughest of times! God is so good.

It is awful to get up each day feeling that way. You feel like you've gotta keep pushing yourself to do things, but it can get pretty tough. Take one step at a time. Focus on getting some new help first. Maybe your nanny now can help you get help through county/government agencies. Ask her and she if she'd be willing to. We never know until we ask.

Then, after you get the help with the kids, maybe you can get to some al-anon meetings. Getting out once in awhile to meet some new friends. Taking care of yourself. That is SO important because becoming depressed does make the pain worse.

There's a proverb in the Bible that says "When there's no Hope, the people will perish". That's very true. Without hope, we give up and it's so important that we don't get there........in giving up.

Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.

Praying for you!
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