fairywatcher54

Sometimes it is hard for me to not be detached. I find myself thinking if I do not talk to him or look at him he will understand the pain he causes when he drinks. This is his 6th day without drinking and I know that if I let up it will be his ticket to the bar. Also the fact it is a week before payday and the credit cards are getting high. I am cooking and cleaning and giving him a kiss goodnight but other then that there is no affection exchanged. I asked him if he wanted to come back to bed this morning and he looked at me as if he had been shot. I guess this is my punishment for using my behavior to discourage his drinking. Not that we are that active in that area anyway. The only time he approaches me is when he is drinking to reward me for allowing him the pleasure of spending the night getting **** faced. Hope floats and then gets shattered after a few days. Yesterday he told me I needed meds for mood swings. I only swing when he drinks. Go figure. At least I am here venting and trying to keep myself sane until I am strong enough to kick the habit of him. Someday I hope he tires of me and leaves. But that is not likely. I am starting to do things without him. I get the evil eye but that is his problem to handle. I must do things to make me happy through all this stuff. It is hard to seperate the sin from the sinner.

escape artist

yeah, i used to do that too. the not talking thing. someone here posted about that once and said it is best just to comment on how YOU feel since he is doing so well-not how well He is doing.

as far as the stony approach i figured out that i was still reacting to him more than anything else-guess that is what he was looking for - a reaction. i hope that made sense.

walkingtheline

HUH? If you really mean that, WHY OH WHY are you waiting for HIM to take action???

Color me confused!

pmaslan

Fairy..... I agree with Irene (walking the line) why wait for him to decide your future???? Your post is full of unhappiness...you can't possibly want that for your self. I see that you are trying to detach from him....but that should be done with love, not as a punishment....
Love, Patty

fairywatcher54

You are all right. What is wrong with me that I am having trouble making that step? Tuesday he took me to the bar and he started drinking at 5 and drank a beer every 15 minutes until 10 pm. Lased with three Irish Mist. He was so hateful. Used the F word every few seconds and when he tried to love on me for the first time I told him to keep his hands off me. When I told him who would want a drunk pawing them he had the tipical reaction and told me I was the one with a problem and he just needs to get me out of his life. I told him I would help him pack. The next morning after tormenting me all night he did not remember anything and stated he had a great time. I left and spent the day with my sister yesterday. I am such a failure./

GettingBy

That is SO NOT TRUE. You're here and you're making progress. It may not feel like it right, but recovery takes time and patience. Keep taking care of you, and be extra gentle and kind today, you deserve it.

pmaslan

Oh my...please don't feel that way....I remember those days when my exA wouldn't remember a thing from the night before.....he would wait until I said something to get his cue if I was mad or not...you will know when the time is right, just focus on what you want and then plan for it....hugs
Love, Patty

meli2005

fairywatcher, whether he drinks is up to him and not related to the way you treat him. Try right now to take care of yourself and to nurture yourself. If he wants to truly be sober, he will work at it and maintain it. There may be slip-ups, etc.


I think it would be a good idea for you to talk w/a counselor about all of this. It does cuase a lot of pain, I know been there and done it and doing it, etc.

I don't think hte alcoholic truly means to cause pain when they drink. I just think the drinking numbs the emotions they feel and they begin to care only about themselves and no one else. I don't think until after sober for a while do they realize the pain they have caused to those around them. The pain is horrendous. ALcoholism is a horrible disease.