Aquiana

So far so good. After the last talk abf and I had I realized I had to start changing the way I lived with him. He was honest last time, and he told me in a nutshell that he wasn't going to quit drinking and he wasn't going to get any help. It wasn't at all what I wanted to hear but at least for once it was the truth. For some reason that truth helped me to let go a little I suppose. The nagging stopped and I'm trying to let him be him, after that I guess I'll see if I can live with him.

It's been interesting though. Once the nagging and the pressuring stopped, so it seems did alot of the things he did started to stop. He's been listening more and trying to be understanding about things. He's not getting defensive, he's not yelling and he seems to be more willing to compromise when there are things bothering me. One of our big fights was always over the vehicle. I hate it when he drinks even a little and takes it out. Last night he opened a beer and then stated he had to go to the grocery store. I said," Please don't because you know how I feel about that, can't you go to the store and then drink the beer?" I thought it was going to be a fight but to my surprise, after a minute he put the beer back without even a sip!

This weekend was actually really good. His ball team had a tourniment and it was a huge drunk for all of them all weekend long. He came home Friday night while his friends went at it all night long, I went with him on Saturday, (which he said he loved and totally appreciated) and he actually came home with me. Again his friends went all night. Sunday he went in the morning and when I got there they were all drinking again (or still I suppose). Again he left his drinking friends and came home with me. I wasn't going to stop him this weekend, he knew that and he actually chose to remain somewhat behaved.

I don't know what to think about what he's doing now. My calmness certainly seems to be making him alot warmer. He's still drinking and I still hate it but as long as I'm not on him 24/7 he seems to be trying to work with me a little. I don't know what is going to happen in the future but for now we have a little peace.

minnie

Bravo!! It is true that changing our behaviour will elicit different behaviour from other people. And you are living proof of this.

At least you have some calm in your life - how long have you got before the little one arrives?

Zoey

Wonderful, You have the right idea. It may not last , as the tension build's and they cannot fight the craving. Hang on to what worked, and keep doing it and again he will try to do better. Try to not have expectations, that is what gets us in trouble. Maybe be prepared if he slips to say, with a smile, " No, big deal you were doing so well. and now we both know it was kinda nice. Then drop it for him to have to think about it. If we get angry and ask why?? etc. they get defensive and then they are not going to think about things. IMO worth a try.
Guess I am thinking we would not show anger, disappointment, hurt, if it was the boss or a friend doing something we didn't like.
Hope the best for you both

Aquiana

Thanks you guys! It's hard to know whether a person is doing the right thing or not. Part of me is thinking that if I'm nice about it he'll think I think it's okay for him to drink. The other part knows it doesn't really matter what I think so why waste time being angry and miserable with him.

I'm actually extremely proud of him. Not really just to do with drinking, he's still doing that, but at the fact that he's working so hard on some of the other problems in our relationship. We've had a few arguments and I've been able to physically see him restraining himself. I could tell he wanted to let loose and get nasty but you could see by his face he was really trying hard to suck it up. It can't be easy for him to do that. He's the type that generally yells and bullies to get a point across. I'm not trying to excuse his behavior but I do think it's one of the only ways he's ever known to express himself. He's biting his tongue I can tell and I really appreciate it. I'm not a work buddy, or a sports buddy that he can speak that way to and have it roll right off. It hurts when he's mean and lately he seems to have gotten that. Likewise, when he's restraining himself with me, I'm less likely to retaliate with the same nastiness. I'll admit I'm just as bad when backed into a corner.

We have less than 2 months until baby is born! I'm so excited! He moves around so much now and so does my entire stomach. Abf felt it for the first time last week and I'll admit I laughed my head off because he pulled back like he'd been slapped. He had no idea the baby was strong enough to push my whole stomach out. I was lying right up next to him the other morning and he even got a good swift kick in the rear end.

I hope the peace remains but at least for now I'm happy he's trying so hard. Still drinking but working on other things, some of which were just as important as the alcohol.