Hi - nice to be here!
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi - nice to be here!
Hi,
I found out about 4 months ago that my wife had been secretly drinking for about a year (her parents decided to tell me after she was in a car crash) and I thank my lucky stars that I found a local Al-Anon group to help me regain a touch of sanity
Things are up and down with her recovery, she's sought help from her doctor, though the treatment isn't viable at the moment (requires 6 weeks away from work and she's in a new job so can't afford the time off as she's only been there for five months)
She's had a few lapses back to alcohol, but has recently been prescribed medication to help her deal with the craving for alcohol.
Great eh?
So far so good, but she has an incredible self loathing for all the trouble she's caused friends & family, plus she hates the way she looks after the alcohol piled on the pounds
and when she feels low I would imagine the temptation to drink must increase.
Sadly she doesn't want to go to AA and is frankly suspscious of the motives of 12 Step (although she's said that she can see the benefit of Al-Anon has had for me)
It seems like although there is a physical aspect to her disease which is being addressed, there is a neglect to her mental condition.
With Al-Anon I found the most incredible weight off my shoulders in just knowing I wasn't alone and that there were some very kind people around who were more than happy to listen, (very humbling for a naturally cynical atheist) and I would love her be able to find away of trying to share her sense of hurt and sadness with others who would *understand*.
I'm rambling now
Thanks for reading this - it means a lot to me.
Allan.
I found out about 4 months ago that my wife had been secretly drinking for about a year (her parents decided to tell me after she was in a car crash) and I thank my lucky stars that I found a local Al-Anon group to help me regain a touch of sanity
Things are up and down with her recovery, she's sought help from her doctor, though the treatment isn't viable at the moment (requires 6 weeks away from work and she's in a new job so can't afford the time off as she's only been there for five months)
She's had a few lapses back to alcohol, but has recently been prescribed medication to help her deal with the craving for alcohol.
Great eh?
So far so good, but she has an incredible self loathing for all the trouble she's caused friends & family, plus she hates the way she looks after the alcohol piled on the pounds
and when she feels low I would imagine the temptation to drink must increase. Sadly she doesn't want to go to AA and is frankly suspscious of the motives of 12 Step (although she's said that she can see the benefit of Al-Anon has had for me)
It seems like although there is a physical aspect to her disease which is being addressed, there is a neglect to her mental condition.
With Al-Anon I found the most incredible weight off my shoulders in just knowing I wasn't alone and that there were some very kind people around who were more than happy to listen, (very humbling for a naturally cynical atheist) and I would love her be able to find away of trying to share her sense of hurt and sadness with others who would *understand*.
I'm rambling now
Thanks for reading this - it means a lot to me.
Allan.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Allan - and welcome to our forum.
Sounds like you are working a great program and I assure you it just keeps getting better and better. The strength you gain from working the 12-steps will help you in all areas of your life.
And I am sure you are aware that you cannot take ownership of her disease. Right now she is fighting recovery more than she is fighting addiction, but when she is ready her answer will come.
Make yourself at home, read some of the "sticky" posts at the top of Nar-Anon and Al-Anon and everything you can find that Pernell has posted. You will see that you are not alone, and we are here anytime to share, vent or have a laugh with (humour is a significant part of our recovery).
Welcome to the family.
Sounds like you are working a great program and I assure you it just keeps getting better and better. The strength you gain from working the 12-steps will help you in all areas of your life.
And I am sure you are aware that you cannot take ownership of her disease. Right now she is fighting recovery more than she is fighting addiction, but when she is ready her answer will come.
Make yourself at home, read some of the "sticky" posts at the top of Nar-Anon and Al-Anon and everything you can find that Pernell has posted. You will see that you are not alone, and we are here anytime to share, vent or have a laugh with (humour is a significant part of our recovery).
Welcome to the family.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Hi Allan.
Welcome to the forum.I learned that alcoholism is a threefold disease.It affects us spritually,mentally and physically.
I am an alcoholic.I grew up in an alcoholic home and have been in relationships with addicted people.I have seen the both sides of the horrors of alcoholism.
I am glad that you found Alanon,because even though your wife may not be serious about recovery you will still have to start looking out for yourself and seek the support of people who can help you to deal with life with an A.
You most definately are not alone.I hope you will continue going to Alanon meetings.
I have been in twelve step programmes now for six years and the only motives I have found in them are "pure" motives.
Good luck to you my friend.
Peter.
Welcome to the forum.I learned that alcoholism is a threefold disease.It affects us spritually,mentally and physically.
I am an alcoholic.I grew up in an alcoholic home and have been in relationships with addicted people.I have seen the both sides of the horrors of alcoholism.
I am glad that you found Alanon,because even though your wife may not be serious about recovery you will still have to start looking out for yourself and seek the support of people who can help you to deal with life with an A.
You most definately are not alone.I hope you will continue going to Alanon meetings.
I have been in twelve step programmes now for six years and the only motives I have found in them are "pure" motives.
Good luck to you my friend.
Peter.
Paused
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Denton Texas
Posts: 92
Welcome
Welcome to our posts. It has been such a lifesaver for me also, this Al-Anon program. I'm a newbie in the program and really trying to apply these principles in my life. My live in boyfriend is the A in my life. One of the hardest (still at times) principles to really apply is we didn't cause it, can't change it, nor control it.
You sure sound strong and on the right track. Your wife is in charge of her recovery, weight problem, etc. God has both of you in his hands......
You sure sound strong and on the right track. Your wife is in charge of her recovery, weight problem, etc. God has both of you in his hands......
Thanks Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: upstate, ny
Posts: 135
hi allan-uk,
good to meet you! i think ur doing great by going to alanon. i'm finding answers in the rooms myself. finally some light for me. i too live with a spouse who drinks and mine drugs too. he is trying to attain sobriety and not real taken with aa stuff. i do believe what he's going thru is a dry drunk, but i am trying to detach with love and let him find his own way. as a result of the progression of his illness and mine(codependent and enabling), we have gone thru hell this year. violence and all forms of abuse. i finally woke up enough to put up "no using in my house boundaries, and sought awareness, acceptance and if need be action. my hp finally broke thru to me enough for me to know that i'm worthy of change for a better life. i do love my husband and need everything that alanon has to offer. i've raised a family and havve years invested in my marriage and family(6 kids) 2cats and 2 dogs. i worry about my husband too, but he doesn't think he needs any help.soooooooooo.... he's a grown man and i've wasted way too much time and energy trying to fix him. i need to fix me so (let it start here) hope i didn't ramble on too much. hang in there and we'll be there for you if you need to talk. take care of allan-uk!! hugs from sugar
good to meet you! i think ur doing great by going to alanon. i'm finding answers in the rooms myself. finally some light for me. i too live with a spouse who drinks and mine drugs too. he is trying to attain sobriety and not real taken with aa stuff. i do believe what he's going thru is a dry drunk, but i am trying to detach with love and let him find his own way. as a result of the progression of his illness and mine(codependent and enabling), we have gone thru hell this year. violence and all forms of abuse. i finally woke up enough to put up "no using in my house boundaries, and sought awareness, acceptance and if need be action. my hp finally broke thru to me enough for me to know that i'm worthy of change for a better life. i do love my husband and need everything that alanon has to offer. i've raised a family and havve years invested in my marriage and family(6 kids) 2cats and 2 dogs. i worry about my husband too, but he doesn't think he needs any help.soooooooooo.... he's a grown man and i've wasted way too much time and energy trying to fix him. i need to fix me so (let it start here) hope i didn't ramble on too much. hang in there and we'll be there for you if you need to talk. take care of allan-uk!! hugs from sugar
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