equus

1. There's no more denial at any level - he's been told the score and acknowledged it, he knows from the site that place is treated as the authority on alcoholism by proffessionals around it.

2. My friend has offered me to come to theirs anytime - even bring our dogs and stay over.

3. They're going to invite him to tea an my late nights next week - not to try and stop him drinking but just to offer an alternative.

4. When he stopped over christmas I struggled to explain things to friends and it could have driven us apart (me and my friends) - that isn't an issue anymore. After seeing him this week they get it. We both have their full support, the feeling it might not be serious has evapourated. Thankfully their attitude isn't anger but to support him 100% in any and all effort to fight it and to support me and encourgae me to take lots of breaks from it.

5. This is the first loophole free plan we have ever had, when he previously stopped drinking with his Dad was held as an exception - this time he has agreed to no exceptions. He used up the one and only loophole he could find but that resulted in us clarifying EXACTLY what no loopholes mean.

All these things are good, they don't mean that he will succeed, they don't mean he won't drink when he wakes and withdrawal hits, they don't make us indestructable. They are only steps, mine for my part, his for his.

minnie

Sounds good to me.

Face to face support for both of you is vital, I think. That's why I find my meetings so helpful. You're doing the same thing in a different way.

Good for you.

FriendofBill

I think Im confused....is your husband trying to quit drinking and this is a plan the two of your are putting together?

equus

Sorry Fob - I was assuming knowledge from a previous thread because I can't type everything over and over.

It isn't AA or Al- Anon. It's an agreement between us involving compromise on both sides, following the advice of our local alcohol advisory service. It's not intended to fit 12 step criteria.

Thanks Minnie! - So far so good. Yes the face to face support does matter, he needs his friendships to, they might not be years old but they're budding nicely. I feel like I'm getting all the fruits of well matured friendship at the same time.

Beautiful

Lay in some sweets. Withdrawal from alcohol creates a huge sweet tooth as my RAH has shared with my many times. He also heads to the ice cream when he's under stress.

A coping mechanism but may just ease a bit of the burden for you both.

Good luck!