Chambfitz

I am here again....I signed up in January after having a night of partying in which I became severly ill due to drinking and had a female co worker drive me home. I came on here in January saying I was ready to give it up...ready to change so I wouldn't lose my family. Notice how I didn't come back here? Thought not. I went back to drinking, every night, 6-10-15 beers a night to the point where I said some choice words to my wife which has now pushed her over the edge to point she has filed for divorce and she is living with my son and I am away at my parents house. My world has fallen apart in front of me. For some reason I have changed though, for the better, it's been over a month, I have prayed more than I ever have in my 25 years of life and have been touched by Jesus in a way I could never imagine. It's like I have clarity of sight to see what I have done to my wife and what caused me to ask the way I did. I have been sober for 3 weeks now...why couldn't this change have happened sooner? I am depressed. I am trying everything and anything to get my wife back, to stay with me, to let me show her how I have changed and how I want to dedicate the rest of my life in making her feel special and treat her the way she deserves. I just hope she gives me the chance.

My point is I was blind to what alcohol was doing to my life, my marriage, my family. The control it has over you is unreal, it's Satan like. Only Jesus can save and get things right in your life, but it's up to you to let him in.

I ask for your prayers.

Thanks,
Andrew

In memory of miracle

Welcome back and congrad's on your 3 weeks. Prayers...Bless, Trish

CarolD

3 weeks is a grand beginning of your sober life.
Congratulations!

Who knows what His plan is for you? I know God wants me sober so that is my main focus.

God helps those who help themselves. Get to AA and start working on the Steps.

The old drinking life has slipped away.
You are blessed with a new sober one.
Make use of the miracle. Blessings...

Chambfitz

how many ex alcoholics in recovery are able to get there spouse back? I am going to give it all I have, I just need to earn her trust that I am through w/ drinking for good, something has changed and that is I have been overcome by my faith in which I never was before.

CarolD

Howw many? AA keeps no records.
I have know some who did and some who did not.

As you are sharing about faith...Let Go And Let God.

I do hope you find peace.

tyler

I could have written your post. Unfortunately the divorce went through for me before I had that "moment of clarity". I still hold out hope of "resurecting" my relationship with my wife. See, I still call her my wife even though it's been almost 2 years since we lived together and over 6 months since we've been divorced. A bit of denial perhaps. I've asked myself so many times the same question as you have, "Why couldn't I have gotten it sooner?" I wish I had an answer for you. The 12-stepers will say that I finally hit my bottom, perhaps they are right. All I know is I, like you, am back living with my parrents, depressed (though that is getting better) and hope more than anything that I will get another chance to do things right. Will it happen? Tough to say, she's been through a lot, too much, more than I would have put up with for sure. I guess all I can do at this point is SHOW her I've changed instead of telling her. I've TOLD her that a thousand times, suprisingly she has a hard time believing it now!! A bit like the boy crying wolf I guess. I mean, really, it's for real this time honey!! This isn't turning out to be a very positive reply, sorry. I guess the only thing I can really say to you is don't do it for her. Do it for you. Do this whether she takes you back or not. You, like me, have a child with her and because of this will always have a relationship with her, even if you aren't married. We addicts/alcoholics like nothing better than getting our way, and you might not get it here. Don't let that become an excuse to drink again. I wish you the best and hope you get your wife and family back. Take care and keep posting here. I was a member for over 3 years before I finally "got it".

Chambfitz

I totally see your point about a boy crying wolf. I am trying to tell her every way I can that I am better but she does not believe me. I have gone to her parents who are very upset with me and told them the same thing, that I have turned my life around. I have plead w/ my wife to stop the divorce procedings, and asked she not see other people. I have never been jealous before but now it overwhelms me. The thought of my wife with another man is devestating. Plus the fact that I have neglected her and turned away from her requests in the past to stop drinking again and again and am only now realizing what I had and how I messed up. It's devestating.

bikewench

Hey Fitz...


"I am powerless... "


That mean's over other people as well...

The character defects that got our lives to the uncomfortable and self destructive levels they did don't go away just cause we quit using and find God...


Addiction is one arm of the disease of codependancy... and control is the other....

So... I'd suggest that you just take a deep breath.... believe in your God... and that he will bring the outcome of your relationship with your wife to its greatest good... and that don't mean yours....

No matter how much we wish we could... we can't erase the past...

But.. we can go on from today... doing it better...

angelgirl

Hi there. Welocme again to SR!! So happy your here.
I knwo you're hurting going through all of this, and the possibilty of losing your wife. BUT no matter what happens, be sure to keep god first, and you'll be ok. Even if you don't think so, you will.
Keep showing your wife this different you. Maybe, she'll be back to you. God knows the plan. Somany people have told me to put my problems into gods hands, and he would take care of them, worry about them, and only he knows what our purpose is here, and what path we will take. Right now, you are taking a very good path, even if it doesn't feel so good right now.
Hang in there, keep doing what your doing. Give her some space. She may respond. God knows the plan......
So happy your here. Come share with us often. We are always here..
Love, Becky

NoMoBeer

Hey Fitz...
Figure you're ready to stop this sh!t now?

As was already said, you have no power over other people, places and things. If it's meant to be that your wife is back in your life, it will happen (in God's time, not yours). And forget about not drinking forever, just don't drink today.

Get to AA, and get to work. I understand that you feel the Faith taking over, but "faith without works is dead..."

Keep in touch, and remember -- One Day at a Time!

Ken

SupCola

Hi Fitz

Alcohol abuse has damaged many relationships - usually the most important. I'm new to SR and decided to quit drinking today. I think 3 weeks is great.

My wake up call is my main relationship. He hasn't spoken to me in 10 days! Not one word! We both abuse alcohol and are addicts. We sobered in October for 2 months, but here were are again. Definately at the end of our rope with one another - and also with alcohol. So we're taking the time to comtemplate our next move. I've decided that the peace and quiet isn't that bad afterall and if it's meant to continue then it will. In the meantime, I'm going to work on myself and let God handle the rest. Hang in there.

Twelve hours sober.

angelgirl

Hey Cola,
Congrats on the 12 hours....
Good for you..
and WELCOME!!!!
Love, Becky

NoMoBeer

First, your post says that "Life has slipped away." Not true, just your wife, you still have your life -- don't forget that and don't give that up too. AA helped me to have a quality life. See, drinking is just a symptom -- my main problem is my living and thinking.

SupCola -- welcome!

For both of you -- feel free to PM me with any questions on AA or sobriety or anything -- I'm here to help (just like everyone else here at SR) !!

One Day at a Time...

Ken

tyler

I feel your pain, I've felt and I guess for that matter feel the same way. The cold fact of the matter is sometimes you run out of chances. Sometimes you *uck up one too many times. The thought of my wife (ex-wife, I keep doing that!) with another man is devestating too, but I lost my rights in that area, maybe you have too. At this point it is out of your control. The best thing you can do is to keep staying sober and show her, not tell her. The choice is her's to make, begging and pleading are really not going to help. Being proactive about your problem might, might not too. I hope I'm not sounding too harsh, but I so identify with your situation and feelings. It hurts so much to think, "I finally blew it this time." but a person can only be pushed so far, and we addicts/alcoholics sure like to test those limits. I hope things work out for the best. Even if you don't get back together, you will have your sobriety and have a better relationship with her, even if it's not as husband and wife. If you believe in God, have some faith that He will let things work out properly. In AA they say "Let go, let God." Not bad advice. Take care.

minnie

I really hope, for your sake, that you are ready this time. Life is too short to be pi$$ing it up the wall.

Can I suggest that you (and any others in this situation) have a read on the Friends and Family board and then perhaps you will have some idea of the turmoil that loved ones of alcoholics go through. Then you may be able to understand why it is so hard to trust someone with a few weeks sobriety. Abstinence is not recovery and recovery must be shouted with actions, not whispered with words. It took a long time for you and your wife to reach this point, so why on earth would you imagine that it can be repaired so quickly?

Congrats on your clean time. Keep it up, 24 hours at a time and you will find happiness, whether or not you are with your wife.

Love

Minnie
xx

Chambfitz

the advice you all have given is very helpful and comforting. even when the truth is not what I wanted to hear I do understand that I am the one who has brought this upon me and I am the one that needs to let God take over and let whatever will happen, happen. It's so difficult because not drinking, not having the urge, and wanting to share it with my wife is near impossible as I only see her maybe 5-10 minutes every couple of days when I get my son. Prayer is a powerful thing that just now I am understanding what it can do for your life. Why I wonder is it now, when everything is gone... I realize I have my life and am thankful for that, but my soul mate, she is going away and that kills me. I know happiness is out there, but at this point happiness for me is out of reach and I don't know how to get it back.

minnie

me, me, me. All I hear is how this is affecting you. Have you stopped for one minute to put yourself in your wife's shoes? Do you think she made this decision lightly? What do you think she has gone through during your drinking times? Have you listened to her?

Chambfitz

I have, that's why I have stopped, not only for me but to save our marriage and free her from the burden of anxiety in which the beer drinking would cause her.

NoMoBeer

Dude -- what are you going to do for a recovery program? Just a heads up that if you don't work a recovery program, chances are you will drink again. Not trying to be a doom and gloom guy, just a realist.

tyler

Gotta agree with NoMo on that one. Doesn't have to be AA or even any kind of recongnized "program" but you really need more of a stadgey than, I'm just not going to drink anymore. It is possible you can just "whiteknuckle it" but the odds improve with some kind of program. Helps you deal with the cravings, etc. Take care.