GettingBy

That's it... that's how we have to live life, whether or not we're dealing with alcoholism, financial problems, relationship woes, whatever. All we can do is take care of today!

That's where I'm at. B and I talked again last night about what to do about the seperation. He said he's going to be travelling out of town for the next 3 weeks. He'll be in hotels monday through friday, but would need to come home on the weekends. It sounded reasonable yesterday, so I agreed.

I thought about it overnight and this morning, and I had to change my mind. That didn't sound good to me at all. I'm uncomfortable with him coming home on Fridays and walking around here like nothing is wrong (like he did last night). Staying true to my feelings, I told him that I need my life back. I need serenity in the home. I need him to leave. He said he'd give it more thought.

He'll be gone out of town tonight and tomorrow so I get a small break before the weekend. I will not force him out on his ear. I will work with him, but I will also stand firm on my needs. I am going to speak with a lawyer today or tomorrow about what our rights are over the house. One step at a time... that's all I can do.

The upside was that I had a wonderful evening yesterday! Wednesdays are my day to ride with my cycling club! They are a great group! The weather was perfect 80 degrees, sunny, low humidity and I got out there and crank my little fanny off!

Tonight my mum (for you UKers!!) is stopping by to visit with me, plus I'm going to work on painting the house! Life is good

Thank you all for being here! You're the best!
Shannon

GettingBy

Dakoda, thanks for the thoughts/suggestions! That's exactly what I was thinking last night when I agreed to the weekends, but then I asked myself, "Do you think he will actually look for a new place to live?" When I really thought about the things he said, it didn't seem like it. He gave me the impression that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear, and didn't have any intention of really looking for someplace else to go. In fact, when I talked to him this morning he even said, "I just don't understand why we can't live together. I don't want to leave." I'm not going to force him out, but I made it clear that he can't just keep sweeping this under the carpet. The agreement we came up with for now is that he will come home on the weekends, but we will have seperate bedrooms. He mentioned that he doesn't want to give up the house, so I'm fully prepared to walk away from it if need be.

The part that bothers me about it is that two days ago he was very quick to say the marriage was over, and was sitting there blaming me and telling me how he deserved so much more than what he gets from me. I know he's unhappy with me and our life, but I think the fear of actually ending it is what's keeping him from moving forward. While he doesn't want to move out, he hasn't offered up any attempts to work on things either. Either way, I know I have to keep looking out for me, and what I need.

Next step is meeting with a family lawyer. I just want to do some information searching. What are each of our rights/responsibilities/options. Nothing set in stone, but I'd like to have some ideas of what could happen.

As I said, one day at a time. I know what I know right now, and that's all I have to work with. More will be revealed in time, and so I have to be patient and gentle when making my decisions. I'm not rushing through anything, but I'm also not going to be niave about it anymore.

:-) Shannon

herewegoagain

I don't think I could have said it any better than Dakoda did. So can I just say "ditto" to Dakoda ??