Why is MOVING ON so HARD???
JstBcuz
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 82
Why is MOVING ON so HARD??? I have a 10am appointment with a lawyer tomorrow morning. I have not lived with my AH since Feb 04 and he has not gotten better, just better at BSing the sysytem, and well I have been Clean since 2/21/04 and VERY proud of it. MY AH keeps making promises but ACTIONS speak LOUDER then words. Crazy thing is I know that but yet I am So scared to move forward tomorrow and START the divorce. I already have SOLE custody of our almost 3 yr old son.
Why am I so scared to move forward. I keep telling myself it is for the best. As sick as this is going to sound ilove the guy he acts to be, and promises he is going to be. I mean was May 27th 2002 the bigest mistake in life to marry the man and it is already now ended. Someone at a meeting told me that It is okay to love him, but love him from a distance.
I am just confused ans scared. This is a big move I am making tomorrow and I do not know if it is the right move.
Why am I so scared to move forward. I keep telling myself it is for the best. As sick as this is going to sound ilove the guy he acts to be, and promises he is going to be. I mean was May 27th 2002 the bigest mistake in life to marry the man and it is already now ended. Someone at a meeting told me that It is okay to love him, but love him from a distance.
I am just confused ans scared. This is a big move I am making tomorrow and I do not know if it is the right move.
Dreamlike...Now
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 707
Hey Rho,
I don't usually post since in this forum, but your thread caught my attention. Mainly because I have been where you are....and have also been the addict.
It sounds like you have given this guy more than ample oppurtunity to get it together. Not that it makes it any easier...but nothing changes if nothing changes. My sponsor always tells me that the spiritual warrior gladly braves the unknown, because this is how we build faith. It sounds like you are at a jumping off point. I would jump. I bet there is something much better in store for you.
Sending good vibes your way cuz I know it HURTS.
I don't usually post since in this forum, but your thread caught my attention. Mainly because I have been where you are....and have also been the addict.
It sounds like you have given this guy more than ample oppurtunity to get it together. Not that it makes it any easier...but nothing changes if nothing changes. My sponsor always tells me that the spiritual warrior gladly braves the unknown, because this is how we build faith. It sounds like you are at a jumping off point. I would jump. I bet there is something much better in store for you.
Sending good vibes your way cuz I know it HURTS.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Rho,
Good for you on your sobriety!! I like what FQ said about a spiritual warrior..sometimes we learn to fake it til we make it..
Do you have a sponsor and work a program?? I've been in Alanon over a year and having a sponsor, working a program etc. have kept me from going back into the chaos...
It's going hurt sometimes and be scary but you can do it!
Keep posting.
big hug,
Minx
Good for you on your sobriety!! I like what FQ said about a spiritual warrior..sometimes we learn to fake it til we make it..
Do you have a sponsor and work a program?? I've been in Alanon over a year and having a sponsor, working a program etc. have kept me from going back into the chaos...
It's going hurt sometimes and be scary but you can do it!
Keep posting.
big hug,
Minx
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
I like what faery queen said... congrats on your recovery time, it is hard to move on, and give up those dreams. nothing changes if nothing changes. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
I feel you went to Al-Anon (they pretty much leave the dession (sp) up to you if no violence. ) Do you have AA sponser and also Al-Anon???
If you have been sure a divorce is right up till now, then it probly is just jitters, kinda like buyers remorse. Like wanting a house for years, finding the one you want, then scared spitless to sign the papers.
Best your child not grow up in an alcoholic home. Find a positive thought to hang on to. I mean positive like, " I never want to go through that again".
Take care
If you have been sure a divorce is right up till now, then it probly is just jitters, kinda like buyers remorse. Like wanting a house for years, finding the one you want, then scared spitless to sign the papers.
Best your child not grow up in an alcoholic home. Find a positive thought to hang on to. I mean positive like, " I never want to go through that again".
Take care
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: CO
Posts: 32
Rho. . .
That's the million dollar question that has so many answers. Congratulations on your own recovery. It's fantastic of you go be in recovery yourself.
Can I ask a question? How is it that you gained full custody of your 3-year old. I had a long talk with my AH tonight and long story short, I told him that was going to leave him and get full custody of our 3 year old as well. He said "no you won't" and I started sweating so bad. I don't want to stop him from seeing her, but I do want to stop him from being alone with her and putting her in an awful situation when he's been drinking. I know him too well.
Good luck with you in the "moving on". I know as well that it's probably one of the hardest things I'll have to do.
That's the million dollar question that has so many answers. Congratulations on your own recovery. It's fantastic of you go be in recovery yourself.
Can I ask a question? How is it that you gained full custody of your 3-year old. I had a long talk with my AH tonight and long story short, I told him that was going to leave him and get full custody of our 3 year old as well. He said "no you won't" and I started sweating so bad. I don't want to stop him from seeing her, but I do want to stop him from being alone with her and putting her in an awful situation when he's been drinking. I know him too well.
Good luck with you in the "moving on". I know as well that it's probably one of the hardest things I'll have to do.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
I can relate to how you feel, Rho. 
I still love my xabf, I have for 30 years, but not as he is now.
I love the man that he is when the alcohol doesn't take over him. I look at it like this, (I drank for 10 years and have been sober 11---thank God!) he's got a disease like cancer. Maybe it's wrong to look at it that way, but it helps me.
The disease has control over him. He doesn't have control over it. And, it's tearing away at him every day that he chooses to drink. If he doesn't quit, he'll eventually drink himself to death. I've already lost both of my parents (fairly recently)...one to cancer, one to a sudden heart attack and me, personally, I can't watch another loved one die. If I could change it all, I would...in a heartbeat, but I'm useless there because it's his decision, not mine and I can't make him stop.
So, I've got to let go with love. Love to pray for him every day and pray hard for his recovery. And, for me to be strong and keep looking forward.
(((BIG HUG))) it's not easy and my heart is with you and your son. Just listen to your first voice, your gut instinct and follow that and..........just breathe.
It'll be okay.
I still love my xabf, I have for 30 years, but not as he is now.I love the man that he is when the alcohol doesn't take over him. I look at it like this, (I drank for 10 years and have been sober 11---thank God!) he's got a disease like cancer. Maybe it's wrong to look at it that way, but it helps me.
The disease has control over him. He doesn't have control over it. And, it's tearing away at him every day that he chooses to drink. If he doesn't quit, he'll eventually drink himself to death. I've already lost both of my parents (fairly recently)...one to cancer, one to a sudden heart attack and me, personally, I can't watch another loved one die. If I could change it all, I would...in a heartbeat, but I'm useless there because it's his decision, not mine and I can't make him stop.
So, I've got to let go with love. Love to pray for him every day and pray hard for his recovery. And, for me to be strong and keep looking forward.
(((BIG HUG))) it's not easy and my heart is with you and your son. Just listen to your first voice, your gut instinct and follow that and..........just breathe.
It'll be okay.
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