seeking life, one more time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: half-way there
Posts: 15
seeking life, one more time
My problems just got bigger and harder to bear. The only person I have to thank for this is myself and my disease. Not an easy pill to swallow at all. I am all used up inside, ready to crawl out of my skin wondering if this is the life I'm destined to live? Will I always turn to liquor to deal with life? I sure hope not, but hope hasn't kept me sober this far. Now I'm in an even worse spot, I'll have to work two jobs to keep me afloat. My own doing. I've only got one for now, but the second should be coming soon. *sigh*
I only want one thing, to be happy. I don't even remember the last time I've lived a day without fear entering into the equation, or discontent. It's been a long while. I need to quit drinking and get on with my life, before my life is gone. I'm sure that's the next step on this downward spiral I call my life.
I know what happened yesterday, so it's day 2 for me.
I can't do what I've been doing any longer, so I've finally posted. Finally put it into black and white. I don't want to drink, I never do. Being sick the day after is easier than the humiliation or fear of what I've done the night before. I hate myself the next day more than anything else. Not a life at all, now is it?
So here I am, begging for help, begging for a lifeline. I just can't do it anymore. I want to be a part of life, this is a lonely existence.
I only want one thing, to be happy. I don't even remember the last time I've lived a day without fear entering into the equation, or discontent. It's been a long while. I need to quit drinking and get on with my life, before my life is gone. I'm sure that's the next step on this downward spiral I call my life.
I know what happened yesterday, so it's day 2 for me.
I can't do what I've been doing any longer, so I've finally posted. Finally put it into black and white. I don't want to drink, I never do. Being sick the day after is easier than the humiliation or fear of what I've done the night before. I hate myself the next day more than anything else. Not a life at all, now is it?
So here I am, begging for help, begging for a lifeline. I just can't do it anymore. I want to be a part of life, this is a lonely existence.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Greenfield, MA
Posts: 62
Have you looked at AA ?
Have a Look at the Big Book omline.
This always gives me Hope !
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm
This always gives me Hope !
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm
Glad you are here and SR is full of info and support. Miss Behavin'
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: regina,saskatchewan
Posts: 966
Welcome lifeseeker, a great big hug to you. I know how you feel, I've been there. I lost my desire to live, to love, to care. I was sick and tired of drowning. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I lost everything but my life.
I went into detox, then 4 1/2 months of treatment. The fog I lived in lifted enough to give me the will to live. One day clean and sober led to the next and the next. I learned that i only have to not drink or drug TODAY. I don't have to concern myself with the rest of my life. I quit a thousand times...that's the easy part...it's learning to live without the crutch of chemicals that's the hard part. AA showed me the way. It saved my life, and still does today. I'm working on day 401 today.
Those feelings of despair you speak of, I felt, but not today. The only thing I fear today is that first drink. That's a healthy fear. My life has really turned around since i quit. The promises are coming true for me, and they can for you to. One day at a time. Just don't drink today and tomorrow will look brighter when you get there, I promise.
Have you considered AA?
Keep coming back here, we need you, and you are very important to us!!!!
hugs & hugs, Wendy
I went into detox, then 4 1/2 months of treatment. The fog I lived in lifted enough to give me the will to live. One day clean and sober led to the next and the next. I learned that i only have to not drink or drug TODAY. I don't have to concern myself with the rest of my life. I quit a thousand times...that's the easy part...it's learning to live without the crutch of chemicals that's the hard part. AA showed me the way. It saved my life, and still does today. I'm working on day 401 today.
Those feelings of despair you speak of, I felt, but not today. The only thing I fear today is that first drink. That's a healthy fear. My life has really turned around since i quit. The promises are coming true for me, and they can for you to. One day at a time. Just don't drink today and tomorrow will look brighter when you get there, I promise.
Have you considered AA?
Keep coming back here, we need you, and you are very important to us!!!!
hugs & hugs, Wendy
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