PJG43

:o

VERY TIRED WITH THE SITUATION.

MY A HAS BEEN DRINKING FOR FOURTEEN YEARS WE HAVE FOUR LOVELY CHILDREN THAT SHE NEVER WANTED AND BLAMES IT ALL ON ME FOR US HAVING THEM AND RUINING HER LIFE.

I LEFT FOR FOUR WEEKS (HEARTBROKEN) THINKING THAT THIS WILL GET HERE TO FACE RESPONSIBILITY, I STILL LOVE HER BUT STRUGGLE TO STAY CALM WHEN I COME IN FROM WORK AND FIND HER HALF STEAMED.

THE KIDS SOMETIMES SIDE WITH HER AND THEN ME, IM WORRIED THAT I AM FALLING OUT OF LOVE BECAUSE OF THIS.

yEARS OF COVERING UP AND PICKING UP FOR HER IS VERY TIRING AND IM AT MY WITS END.

I RUN MY OWN BUSINESS AND JUGGLE HOME AND WORK, DONT GET ME WRONG SHE DOES EVERYTHING INTHE HOUSE YOU COULD POSSIBLY WANT BUT JUST RUINS IT WHEN SHE SLIPS INTO THE A.

IM TRYING TO FIND HER A CLINIC THAT SHE CAN GO TO BUT NOT SURE WHICH ONE WOULD BE BEST, ANY SUGGESTIONS?????

THANKS

PJG43

smoke gets in my eyes

http://www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov/...locatordoc.htm

Hi PJG.

That is a link to a facility locator sponsored by the government. It will help you find treatment centers in your area and tell you a little about them.

There's nothing wrong with leaving an alcoholic because you can't stand to be around them any more. However, leaving because you think it will fix her is just beating your head against a brick wall. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Have you checked into alanon programs in your area? The only help you can give in this situation is the help you can give yourself and your kids. Your wife will seek recovery when and if she's had enough of her addiction. You won't be able to reason, threaten, plead or scold her into it.

There's an excellent reading list at the top of this forum ("book club") that lists books that can help you to start taking care of you.

Keep posting!
Smoke

JT

Welcome,

If you take note of my name here you will know that I can relate. My A is my son and the time line is about the same and it does get very tiring.

Smoke pointed out that you cannot fix it. Believe that. So what is left is to tend to yourself and you childrens well-being. Those of us with alcoholics in our lives are affected more than we know and when it gets bad enough and we get tired enough we reach out as you have.

Keep coming back. We have all been where you are. If you find treatment for her often there are family programs that you should consider. They are there for YOU and your children. Don't neglect to look after yourself too!

Hugs,
JT

Cajun girl

I too can relate. I'm new in Al-Anon, and can tell you that I kept myself from peace because of all my energy on my A. If you can, read about detachment. It will save alot of your energy. Redirecting that energy into taking care of yourself will be the hard part (At least it is for me) Take care and welcome.

Ann

PJG

I just want to welcome you too. Have you been to any Al-Anon meetings? The strength offered there can help you get through this and they have some wonderful literature.

Sadly, we cannot change them. We can only learn to accept them and change ourselves. Whether we stay or go is a personal choice that we don't have to make quickly (unless there is abuse involved). Take your time, think it through and please feel right at home here.

Welcome to our family.

PJG43

Thanks for all your replies and we will find the best way we can around this situation.

We are both brought up in the church and know the damage A can do but what i cant understand is why they need it so bad.

I have gone through verbal, mental and physical abuse, (as bad as being attached with a knife).

I put up with it for the children, which i love very much, but sometimes it just gets to much.

The children are now seeing the situation which is not helping, i have been able to hide it from them till now but feel that the older ones have to know what goes on so that i dont get the blame for all the arguments.

I will try al anon and see if this will help me and the kids

Thanks again,

PJG43

Ann

PJG

I am concerned about the abuse, verbal mental and physical. Sometimes we get so caught up in the chaos that we don't recognize the danger at hand.

This sounds like a dangerous situation, particularly the physical abuse, which may be directed at the children as well as you.

Please get some professional advice about this and think sreiously about finding a safe place you can be while you sort the other problems out. Staying in this environment right now puts you and your children in serious jeopardy.

peacefulmind

i am sorry to hear of your situation. I too lived with my A for 18 years and had two beautiful kids with him. He was always a pretty good husband but after so many years of living with the alcohol I couldnt take it anymore. Even after we split up because of his every day drinking, he still choose his drinking over his family.. Like you, I will never get it. I just read a book "getting them sober" by toby drews. (got it from the local library). best book i have read in a long time. Helped me understand a little more the disease of "alcoholism". I really feel for you and what your going through. I thought I could never leave because of the "kids" (now 13 and 17) but I feel we are all healthier because of the split up. I know I am healthier concentrating on "me" for a change instead of "him and his beer" It has been very hard and ill be hard for years to come. Half of my life was with him. I do know now that no matter what I did, said, threatened, begged, would not change him and his drinking. Like he told me, "he enjoys it", and I am not to be his "warden". So I have for once and forever let him go and live the kind of life he wants to have, not his family but his "alcohol". I have found a lot of peace by letting go, and letting "God" see me thru this. If you can get a copy of the book I mentioned, please read it, it helped me a great deal.. (i have been only reading these boards for about a month, but find great comfort in it, so hang in there, we are here to support you). take care BARB