I met the other woman...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 48
I met the other woman...
After not being able to attend the AlAnon meeting tonight...our friends invited me to meet up with them to go play darts at our local bar. When I drove up I saw his car. I breathed in deeply asked God for his strength to do it and I walked in. BF looks at me and says What are you doing here? (I never go out on Sundays...) I said I came to meet everyone up here. I turned immediately to her, held out my hand and said you must be Kim.
A little later, she went into the bathroom and shortly thereafter I went in. We talked for about 1/2 an hour. I told her everything, poured my heart and soul to her. Told her everything that I have been posting on here. The depression, the alcohol, losing himself. I told her that I felt used and broken apart. I told her that as of Thursday night, he denied the affair and said he still loved me and that I needed closure or the truth instead of coming from friends. She assured me that he does love me and that he's been sighing a great deal and moping around. She's told him she thinks he needs to come home. She doesn't really want to go to Houston because she knows.
The woman has a good heart and a head on her shoulder. Thank goodness. She had been married and her husband left her for another woman so she said she knew and understood my pain. She did say that there was a chance it would not work out between he and I. I accept that. She wants me to keep Dave into the business, I assured her I'd pay him when he worked until he could prove he was back 110% and then we'd see what happens. She said that if we don't get back together, to still work with him. I told her that I wished he would at least move out so he could think clearly. I told her so much...of course while we were in there...Dave told everyone She's feeding her B.S. But this woman knew...after two weeks, she already knew he was a lost soul. She did assure me that she was not going to pick up the slack for him financially. He's upset and I am pushing him further away because I cut him out of the business...But I told her it was for him...I explained the financial mess he was in the whole bag of wax and how I was giving him the time to find his peace of mind and I would get it back up and running and then we would see.
So I am home, going to sleep (I hope finally) and saying a prayer that in the end that he will be saved and will make it through all this...As I told her, he needs to find himself and find peace and sober up..Either with me or not...it was him that I was concerned for. So for now...everything is out of my control...things happen for a reason...and bless her for having a heart...
I think now I have the strength to work further on me..now that I am reassured that he is feeling the loss also, is angry with me and thus why he is acting this way but that yes, he does love me. Now it's my turn to find myself and see where the road takes me.
A little later, she went into the bathroom and shortly thereafter I went in. We talked for about 1/2 an hour. I told her everything, poured my heart and soul to her. Told her everything that I have been posting on here. The depression, the alcohol, losing himself. I told her that I felt used and broken apart. I told her that as of Thursday night, he denied the affair and said he still loved me and that I needed closure or the truth instead of coming from friends. She assured me that he does love me and that he's been sighing a great deal and moping around. She's told him she thinks he needs to come home. She doesn't really want to go to Houston because she knows.
The woman has a good heart and a head on her shoulder. Thank goodness. She had been married and her husband left her for another woman so she said she knew and understood my pain. She did say that there was a chance it would not work out between he and I. I accept that. She wants me to keep Dave into the business, I assured her I'd pay him when he worked until he could prove he was back 110% and then we'd see what happens. She said that if we don't get back together, to still work with him. I told her that I wished he would at least move out so he could think clearly. I told her so much...of course while we were in there...Dave told everyone She's feeding her B.S. But this woman knew...after two weeks, she already knew he was a lost soul. She did assure me that she was not going to pick up the slack for him financially. He's upset and I am pushing him further away because I cut him out of the business...But I told her it was for him...I explained the financial mess he was in the whole bag of wax and how I was giving him the time to find his peace of mind and I would get it back up and running and then we would see.
So I am home, going to sleep (I hope finally) and saying a prayer that in the end that he will be saved and will make it through all this...As I told her, he needs to find himself and find peace and sober up..Either with me or not...it was him that I was concerned for. So for now...everything is out of my control...things happen for a reason...and bless her for having a heart...
I think now I have the strength to work further on me..now that I am reassured that he is feeling the loss also, is angry with me and thus why he is acting this way but that yes, he does love me. Now it's my turn to find myself and see where the road takes me.
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
That must have been so hard for you. I honor your courage and the compassion you have toward her and him, even in the face of the pain you must be feeling.
I'm picturing both you and her at an Al-Anon meeting... His behavior is certainly affecting you both.
Find a meeting and take the first step on your journey to self-discovery and self-improvement... and let us know how it goes!
I'm picturing both you and her at an Al-Anon meeting... His behavior is certainly affecting you both.
Find a meeting and take the first step on your journey to self-discovery and self-improvement... and let us know how it goes!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: West Pine, VA
Posts: 6
I'm sorry but I cannot for the life of me understand why you felt the need to talk with the other woman. You say it was for him, I think it was you. What good could possibly come from telling her about his depression, drinking etc. other than you were hoping to scare her away so he could run back to you. Didn't you say in an earlier post that you're done, you're working on you, etc. It doesn't sound to me like you are even close to being done with him. You say you never go out on Sundays. So why last night??? Could it be because you were hoping to run into him?? Also, you mentioned in an earlier post that none of your mutual friends drink - so they go to a bar to play darts and drink cola?? You said you can now work on you further because you know he is feeling the loss also. What difference does that make?? You are feeling the loss - that is all that really matters to you.
I'm sorry to be blunt but I think you were out of line, one of the big things that I have learned on this website is to keep my nose were it belongs, keep my side of the street clean and to realize that what other people think is really none of my business. It took awhile for that to set in but now that it has my life is much easier. I think if you really took that to heart it would make your life easier too. Good luck!
I'm sorry to be blunt but I think you were out of line, one of the big things that I have learned on this website is to keep my nose were it belongs, keep my side of the street clean and to realize that what other people think is really none of my business. It took awhile for that to set in but now that it has my life is much easier. I think if you really took that to heart it would make your life easier too. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 48
Newmie,
I am sorry that you felt I was out of line. I am sure it was a little bit of both. But the point of the matter is that she does have a heart, she was not what everyone else said she was. My friends were only trying to protect me and I have to respect them for that. But at the same time, if I did not make peace with her it would have left everyone in an uncomfortable situation. When we hugged at the end of the conversation and both agreed we just want whats best for him, not matter the ending result, I was happy. We both walked out of the restroom and you could see that everyone felt suddently relieved. I did it for them too. I am not a cold heart b.
I wanted to know that he was in good hands and not someone who was going to let him continue down the path of self destruction that he is on. I am convinced beyond a shadow of doubt that she will not let him self destruct. She is not the enabler that I am. I could tell. There was something in the way that he was with her, a different type of tenderness that I had never seen before. It was good.
And yes, hard to believe, none of my friends drink with the exception of Dave. I drink water with lemon and the rest drink sodas...we're cheap dates what can we say?
Yes, I needed this closure for me. I can let go now. Funny as it seems. I needed to know that he didn't use me all this time and that he did still care. He was presenting that side to his friends, she was able to see a different side of him when they were at the house. Somehow all the BS I have heard the past two weeks clogged my head. I do feel a thousand times better.
I am sorry that you felt I was out of line. I am sure it was a little bit of both. But the point of the matter is that she does have a heart, she was not what everyone else said she was. My friends were only trying to protect me and I have to respect them for that. But at the same time, if I did not make peace with her it would have left everyone in an uncomfortable situation. When we hugged at the end of the conversation and both agreed we just want whats best for him, not matter the ending result, I was happy. We both walked out of the restroom and you could see that everyone felt suddently relieved. I did it for them too. I am not a cold heart b.
I wanted to know that he was in good hands and not someone who was going to let him continue down the path of self destruction that he is on. I am convinced beyond a shadow of doubt that she will not let him self destruct. She is not the enabler that I am. I could tell. There was something in the way that he was with her, a different type of tenderness that I had never seen before. It was good.
And yes, hard to believe, none of my friends drink with the exception of Dave. I drink water with lemon and the rest drink sodas...we're cheap dates what can we say?
Yes, I needed this closure for me. I can let go now. Funny as it seems. I needed to know that he didn't use me all this time and that he did still care. He was presenting that side to his friends, she was able to see a different side of him when they were at the house. Somehow all the BS I have heard the past two weeks clogged my head. I do feel a thousand times better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 261
I think it is better you at least are "civil" to her..After all, if it would be the end of you two, that will help you relieve some bitterness..Harboring strong bitterness towards the "other woman" prevents true healing, so I feel this is a step in the right direction
I think this was big of you talking to her..
I think this was big of you talking to her..
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Sexiesadie,
I don't know your history with your boyfriend or husband, I tend to be at the naranon board but I wanted to reply.
I know hard it must have been to see the other woman and then to get a chance to talk with her. I've been in a similair situation with my ex and his new girlfriend. After I spoke to her and we both let out what the other was feeling it felt good. Good to know he wasn't with a heartless B****. And yeah I said things that I shouldn't have said about him and maybe it was for my benefit who knows but it felt good to meet the other person, we develop an understanding of eachother and I walked away feeling better and so did she. And I know you felt the same! I commend you for what you had to go through. This is a learning process for us, we learn to work on ourselves and thats what your doing.
Hugs and prayers to you!
Hugs,
Jewel
I don't know your history with your boyfriend or husband, I tend to be at the naranon board but I wanted to reply.
I know hard it must have been to see the other woman and then to get a chance to talk with her. I've been in a similair situation with my ex and his new girlfriend. After I spoke to her and we both let out what the other was feeling it felt good. Good to know he wasn't with a heartless B****. And yeah I said things that I shouldn't have said about him and maybe it was for my benefit who knows but it felt good to meet the other person, we develop an understanding of eachother and I walked away feeling better and so did she. And I know you felt the same! I commend you for what you had to go through. This is a learning process for us, we learn to work on ourselves and thats what your doing.
Hugs and prayers to you!
Hugs,
Jewel
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Moving east
Posts: 217
Hi SS, and welcome to the boards. I don't post much but I read a lot and wanted to reply to you. I'm sure it was very hard for you to talk to her and let her know your feelings. I think you did the right thing. Women fight over men way too much. I think we need to stick together. Maybe when she went home it gave her something to think about as far as her relationship with him. Maybe if she does have a good head on her shoulders she will think twice about letting their relationship go any further. I know a lot of people think "she'll find out what she's got herself into" but I believe that if I can help prevent someone from going through what I've been through then I will. Even if what you told her doesn't do any good at least you'll know you tried. Personally, I've never had enough sense to listen to anyone else. I always had to try and fix it myself. That's the codie in me!!!! Hope everything goes well for you. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Oh, man........this is a tough one.
First off, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know the feeling of losing a loved one to another woman (past bf that moved out of my house one night and went to a bar, met someone else and moved right in with her the same night! This was years ago. BUt, I still remember the pain and shock of it all).
I don't know that I'd have the strength to talk to her and tell her all the things about him and then give her a hug afterwards. You're much stronger than I am in that area!
Hopefully she was nice and sincere. But, SS, what if she was feeding you a line of BS, herself and playing the other-woman-that's-sympathetic-with-the-ex kinda person just to get info out of you? She could very well turn around and talk about you behind your back and what you thought was a good conversation was just getting ammo for her and him? I pray not.....but I wouldn't put my faith into her, yet, as a good, non-enabling person.
And, hon? Does it really matter to you that he still "loves you"? Maybe I missed something....do you plan on getting back together in the future? Or are you broken up for good? Cuz, if you're broken up for good......it doesn't matter what he thinks about you right now. That's HIS problem. How you feel about yourself is the key area that needs to be focused on.
As people have told me so many times before on this forum (and I love them for it), you gotta take care of you. Do things for you. Forget about him and his drama. Start taking care of you....go to Al anon meetings, meet new people, go do things you've never done before, but wanted to. Stop thinking and losing sleep over him. He's just a man.....that's all he is. YOU are more important.
(((hugs)))
First off, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know the feeling of losing a loved one to another woman (past bf that moved out of my house one night and went to a bar, met someone else and moved right in with her the same night! This was years ago. BUt, I still remember the pain and shock of it all).
I don't know that I'd have the strength to talk to her and tell her all the things about him and then give her a hug afterwards. You're much stronger than I am in that area!
Hopefully she was nice and sincere. But, SS, what if she was feeding you a line of BS, herself and playing the other-woman-that's-sympathetic-with-the-ex kinda person just to get info out of you? She could very well turn around and talk about you behind your back and what you thought was a good conversation was just getting ammo for her and him? I pray not.....but I wouldn't put my faith into her, yet, as a good, non-enabling person.
And, hon? Does it really matter to you that he still "loves you"? Maybe I missed something....do you plan on getting back together in the future? Or are you broken up for good? Cuz, if you're broken up for good......it doesn't matter what he thinks about you right now. That's HIS problem. How you feel about yourself is the key area that needs to be focused on.
As people have told me so many times before on this forum (and I love them for it), you gotta take care of you. Do things for you. Forget about him and his drama. Start taking care of you....go to Al anon meetings, meet new people, go do things you've never done before, but wanted to. Stop thinking and losing sleep over him. He's just a man.....that's all he is. YOU are more important.
(((hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 48
Yes, everyone has been telling me to be careful and not get my hopes up about trusting her. After all, she was a willing participant instead of backing off...and she does really like him.
Honestly, I don't have any hopes at this time regarding us. Do I love him, yes with all my heart. Do I want him back, yes but not as before. If he came home now, nothing would change, we'd be right back where we started. Me codepending and him drinking and my seeking of control in the situation...but added to it now is mistrust...I had that with my ex husband...he was a cheater and Dave always said he was not my ex and would never do that to me...well he proved himself wrong. It would take a great deal of work. I would be willing to work on it, but I won't take him home the way things are now. I have healing to do. I need to go to therapy to learn more about codependency and he really needs to get help for his alcoholism, which I sincerely doubt that he will ever do. So, honestly, I am moving forward, hurt as can be...but I have no control of the situation. I am powerless right now.
Honestly, I don't have any hopes at this time regarding us. Do I love him, yes with all my heart. Do I want him back, yes but not as before. If he came home now, nothing would change, we'd be right back where we started. Me codepending and him drinking and my seeking of control in the situation...but added to it now is mistrust...I had that with my ex husband...he was a cheater and Dave always said he was not my ex and would never do that to me...well he proved himself wrong. It would take a great deal of work. I would be willing to work on it, but I won't take him home the way things are now. I have healing to do. I need to go to therapy to learn more about codependency and he really needs to get help for his alcoholism, which I sincerely doubt that he will ever do. So, honestly, I am moving forward, hurt as can be...but I have no control of the situation. I am powerless right now.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
The one issue that I question is with the fact that this woman asked you to keep paying him. And if the two of you were to split to keep working with him. What business is it of hers? You need to tread softly. I don't agree with talking with her. When a person does something like that, it's with the hope of making the other person see how much you really love him and want him back. You even told her that the guy was lying about the relationship with her. Ouch!!! Especially if she had any kind of feelings for him.
Look at your motives. What did you think you would accomplish by talking to her? If the circumstances were different (no alcohol), I could in a way understand why you spoke with her.
You say you don't want him back and want closure, but your message says differently.
Please find alanon meetings. There's so much more to the disease than you realize. And a hell of a lot more that he's got to do to win your trust back.
Look at your motives. What did you think you would accomplish by talking to her? If the circumstances were different (no alcohol), I could in a way understand why you spoke with her.
You say you don't want him back and want closure, but your message says differently.
Please find alanon meetings. There's so much more to the disease than you realize. And a hell of a lot more that he's got to do to win your trust back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 323
Good grief !!!!!!!I do believe thos woman is only talking to you to make sure the man she took from you will still get some money fromn you. Get off the pink clould the other woman is after your man. She is not 'nice' or she would stand back and let the two of you work it out. However she is probaly doing you a favor is she wins this pathetic' prize.' Why would you trust one thing an other womena says. SHE IS ONLY BEING NICE TO GET YOU TO PAY THE lying cheating man SHE WANTS TO HAVE FOR HERSELF. What you neede to be discussing is if she has any STD diseases. dax
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 48
Don't get wrong ya'll...I am sorry if I mislead you...I do want him back, I love this man very much...but it will take time for us, if we do get back together. I don't think this is a quick fix by any means. But I do want him to come home...I do.
My motives were simply to let her know what she was getting into and to let her know that I was here and I wasn't going to go away and that I wanted him to come home. That is it pure and simple. I must have looked like an idiot huh? Opening up to her like I did.
I honestly feel that I am more confused now after reading all your posts and I do appreciate the enlightment. I thought perhaps she had a heart...and I guess ya'll are convincing me that she doesn't even though she was playing me for having one.
Sigh...thank goodness I have an appointment with a counselor on Thursday.
My motives were simply to let her know what she was getting into and to let her know that I was here and I wasn't going to go away and that I wanted him to come home. That is it pure and simple. I must have looked like an idiot huh? Opening up to her like I did.
I honestly feel that I am more confused now after reading all your posts and I do appreciate the enlightment. I thought perhaps she had a heart...and I guess ya'll are convincing me that she doesn't even though she was playing me for having one.
Sigh...thank goodness I have an appointment with a counselor on Thursday.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Dear SS,
It's not our intention to bust your chops. It's just a bit of a shake for you to see it from our perspectives... too many unfortunately. If you took each one of us and asked us to write something about the downs and downs and downs of alcoholism, we'd all say the same thing in different ways. That's why we want you to get to alanon. Please do. Get the free literature, get a soda, have a sitdown and read. You'll see what we mean.
It's not our intention to bust your chops. It's just a bit of a shake for you to see it from our perspectives... too many unfortunately. If you took each one of us and asked us to write something about the downs and downs and downs of alcoholism, we'd all say the same thing in different ways. That's why we want you to get to alanon. Please do. Get the free literature, get a soda, have a sitdown and read. You'll see what we mean.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Please try keeping your mind blank till Thur. and don't beat yourself up.
We can all do things wrong or dumb or useless or whatever, but if love is to be, and win out, it will. but the drinking may not stop, sometimes the A has a big time when he can get every ones attention. This is an exciting game, as he is so loaded.
You will be OK. Look how many of us have lived through this S**T.
.
We can all do things wrong or dumb or useless or whatever, but if love is to be, and win out, it will. but the drinking may not stop, sometimes the A has a big time when he can get every ones attention. This is an exciting game, as he is so loaded.
You will be OK. Look how many of us have lived through this S**T.
.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
One thing about you is you got some serious strength, calm and confidence handling the entire situation. I've been through my own share of the pain of alcoholism, all I can say is in time, destiny will make your path clear and who knows it maybe good and it may hurt but both are actually good because its destiny simply guiding you to find what you need to find in this very short life.
Cheers
Cheers
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Sexy Sadie,
There are a lot of people that have been really hurt on this bulletin board..so take what everyone says with a grain of salt..(don't take it too personally)..
Personally you sound like you handled the situation with a modicum of grace and dignity..as long as YOU are ok with how you handled it, don't worry about what anyone here thinks!! You aren't the first or the last person to do somethink like this..Dont' beat yourself up, it's not that big of a deal in the scheme of things..
Glad to see that you are going to a therapist..as people have suggested Alanon is a great place to go if you haven't already..it can help you understand more about the disease of alcoholism and learn more about yourself..
It will get better if you let it.
Best wishes,
Minx
There are a lot of people that have been really hurt on this bulletin board..so take what everyone says with a grain of salt..(don't take it too personally)..
Personally you sound like you handled the situation with a modicum of grace and dignity..as long as YOU are ok with how you handled it, don't worry about what anyone here thinks!! You aren't the first or the last person to do somethink like this..Dont' beat yourself up, it's not that big of a deal in the scheme of things..
Glad to see that you are going to a therapist..as people have suggested Alanon is a great place to go if you haven't already..it can help you understand more about the disease of alcoholism and learn more about yourself..
It will get better if you let it.
Best wishes,
Minx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 48
Thank you everyone. I appreciate everyone's insight. I really do. I am the first person here to admit that I am riding an emotional rollercoaster right now. I'm sure ya'll have been there right along side me before.
I phoned my friends and apologized to them for last night...but in turn they told me how they thought I handled myself with grace and dignity and that every one of them admired me for it. I was a bit shocked. They actually appreciated it because they felt that it cleared the air for everyone...whether or not it works out. Kinda made me feel good. At least for now.
I phoned my friends and apologized to them for last night...but in turn they told me how they thought I handled myself with grace and dignity and that every one of them admired me for it. I was a bit shocked. They actually appreciated it because they felt that it cleared the air for everyone...whether or not it works out. Kinda made me feel good. At least for now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Hon,
It really doesn't matter if you tell the other woman that you still love him and want him back. Cuz we don't have control over that. He may come home and he may not. He may quit drinking and he may not.
My initial gut feeling is that she was just playing ya last night. Because, she had two choices when you came in and talked to her:
1) she could of listened to you and acted really sympathetic like she did as to not cause a fight
2) started yellin' and callin' you names and getting into a catfight.
Unfortunately, there's a method to people's madness. Like Minnie says "quacking". If it walks like a duck and acts like a duck, chances are......it's a duck.
I, personally, don't have any good feelings about the other woman. She has your husband (?), and the $$......is she gonna give that up easily? Not unless he just dawgs her out, but then again, she may STILL hang on to him.
You said that her husband did the same thing to her, right? Left her for another woman (? hope I got that right)....so, she's dealing with rejection and low self esteem already. All he (your husband) has to do is tell her a line of BS and she'd probably believe him because she's probably pretty needy.
She's just gonna have to find out by herself that he's using her. That may take some time, so hang in there and have faith. And, don't worry about what others say and think cuz,.....who cares? It's not their life they're talking about.
You shouldn't have to underestimate yourself, SS and ask your friends if that was the right thing to do to get their validation. If you do something,,,......you feel it deeply in your gut to do it,....then do it and know that that was your decision to do it and then feel comfortable with that whether it was "wrong" or "right". And, try to learn from the "wrong" ones.
Do you ever journal? Write your feelings down on a piece of paper or in a diary every day or more? I do that and have for years. It sounds kinda silly, but it takes the power out of your emotion. If you're angry, write and then came back to it in about 15 min. or so and read it. You'll be amazed at how that helps.
Talking to your counselor will really help you and talking to all of us that, yeah.........have been there and back a couple of times (well, I should speak for myself AND, it's all confidential and nobody in your town has to know what you're saying. Which is a good thing cuz if you live in a small town, boy.....people love to get into other people's business and it's none of their business.
You hang in there, SS! You're gonna be okay!
((hugs))
It really doesn't matter if you tell the other woman that you still love him and want him back. Cuz we don't have control over that. He may come home and he may not. He may quit drinking and he may not.
My initial gut feeling is that she was just playing ya last night. Because, she had two choices when you came in and talked to her:
1) she could of listened to you and acted really sympathetic like she did as to not cause a fight
2) started yellin' and callin' you names and getting into a catfight.
Unfortunately, there's a method to people's madness. Like Minnie says "quacking". If it walks like a duck and acts like a duck, chances are......it's a duck.
I, personally, don't have any good feelings about the other woman. She has your husband (?), and the $$......is she gonna give that up easily? Not unless he just dawgs her out, but then again, she may STILL hang on to him.
You said that her husband did the same thing to her, right? Left her for another woman (? hope I got that right)....so, she's dealing with rejection and low self esteem already. All he (your husband) has to do is tell her a line of BS and she'd probably believe him because she's probably pretty needy.
She's just gonna have to find out by herself that he's using her. That may take some time, so hang in there and have faith. And, don't worry about what others say and think cuz,.....who cares? It's not their life they're talking about.
You shouldn't have to underestimate yourself, SS and ask your friends if that was the right thing to do to get their validation. If you do something,,,......you feel it deeply in your gut to do it,....then do it and know that that was your decision to do it and then feel comfortable with that whether it was "wrong" or "right". And, try to learn from the "wrong" ones.
Do you ever journal? Write your feelings down on a piece of paper or in a diary every day or more? I do that and have for years. It sounds kinda silly, but it takes the power out of your emotion. If you're angry, write and then came back to it in about 15 min. or so and read it. You'll be amazed at how that helps.
Talking to your counselor will really help you and talking to all of us that, yeah.........have been there and back a couple of times (well, I should speak for myself
AND, it's all confidential and nobody in your town has to know what you're saying. Which is a good thing cuz if you live in a small town, boy.....people love to get into other people's business and it's none of their business.You hang in there, SS! You're gonna be okay!
((hugs))
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