luvmyfam

I am fairly new here...I have only posted 1 or 2 times. But I have been on here reading every day.
To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I feel better or worse. While I see all of you so strong, I also see your stories and the roads you have been down. The roads I can easily see myself and my family going down. And I am scared to death.
My husband has some severe anxiety problems. He doesnt drink every day but he does on weekends and when things get out of hand for him he will drink anything and everything he can find. I already posted about him overdosing on an entire bottle of sleeping pills.
My question is, while I think you are all some of the most courageous, strong and kind people...I am scared to death to go down the same roads. I feel like screaming and I just dont know what to do.
Since my husband was in the hospital he has not has a drink. 3 weeks ago today. however, he has said that he is not stopping drinking. he will only stop drinking in the house.
I just cant get him to see what he is doing to our family. I love him. I hope and pray we get through this before I have the same stories to share ( I already have too many).

FriendofBill

Dear LMF....

Good for you for posting your fears. Your in the right place.

I know you dont want to go down the same or similar road that some of us have, but if someone's drinking bothers you and is a problem, and you love that person, then the chances are you will experience pain. Pain of any sort, whether be alcoholism, cancer, MS ..etc...is inevitable in this life. Noone gets thru life without having a disease, disaster, tradgedy happening to them or thier loved ones. Thats just life.

The way I look at the hand that life has dealt me is this....thank god is just alcoholism!
YOu may think Im crazy to say that ,as if its no big deal all the pain and hurt it has caused. No, instead I look at it that of all the diseases that couldve wrought my family, at least with this one I have help and hope to deal with it.

Ive found that in Al-anon, and now where else. If my loved one had cancer, there would certainly be a great chance he would die, if he had been hit by a car and paralysed, what a tradgic loss that could be. Im looking at the glass half full, and recognizing that tho he has a god awful disease, I have gained tons of gifts as a result my of seeking recovery.

I have friends, sponsors, God, self worth, self esteem, self love....I could never have found that if I had not have sought recovery,,,and I could not have sought recovery if I had not been affected by alcoholism.

I know this may be a lot for you to take in now, as you are early in your journey, but remember this. All the people you described as strong adn courageous have gone thru the same pain, fear, dread that you are going thru........and they have come thru the other side to become the people youve described.

Tho you dont want to go thru the pain, the only way to the other side is to go thru it.

Flowers grow by being fertilized with manure.
Muscles grow by the heaviness of the weights.
Self esteem/love/worth grow through the pain that creates change in our lives.

Try Al-anon, it just may save your life, and that of the one you love.

walkingtheline

We may sound strong but many of us, certainly myself, were and sometime still are scared, anxious, confused, angry--the entire gamut of emotions!

If you can verbalize what you're feeling, someone here may be able to tell you how THEY got around that. Keep in mind--one day at a time.

(((luvmyfam)))

Luckyv2

Yeah walkingtheline said it but my problem is that I like to express how I feel and that scares a lot of people, I have been asked not to share my true feeling here about certain things and now I am afraid that I have to start being phony and I don't like that at all but for the group I will do what I have been asked to do

Cynay

Welcome and Im glad you posted.

I cant talk for anyone else and I dont see myself as courageous at all... Just a person that was given the lot that I was given. I know its scarry but always remember that God does not give you more then you can handle and this might just be the tool he uses to create the person he wants you to be.

I can think of and have had the fear put into my heart of much worse then dealing with the aftermath of living with an Alcholic.... 3 years ago my one and only daughter sat in a hospital room fighting for her life.... So I thank God that he is giving me this to handle and he took/takes care of some of the other things that could break me. Dont take me wrong it is hard and Im angry/confused/anxious and hurt.... Im not making light of what my exabf put me through nor am I over him and on the other side as yet... but I will be.

SR has been wonderful in helping me focus on what is important and nothing has helped me more the Al-anon and my sponsor. You might want to check out an Al-anon meeting for yourself, it certainly cant hurt.

We are glad to have you here!

cloudy

Just giving you a big hug I saw that word "scared" and so here ((((Giant Hug)))) ((Reach out for support.))

FormerDoormat

Courageous? We were all scared when we first showed up here. Scared and confused and looking for answers just like you. Each of us worked though our fears in different ways. And each of us shared our successes and failures. And while we may feel weak individually, together we're a force to be reckoned with. And that's what you see in this forum. A group of individuals, drawn together by a common bond, each sharing our strengths and weaknesses. The sum of which is greater than the parts. Welcome to our group. We look forward to getting to know you.

meli2005

We may all seen strong, but I've had many days when I wondered how I was going to make it, if I was going to make it, etc. I thought some days surely I had lost my mind.

I'm sorry your spouse is doing this to you and your family. Would he be open to any counseling like w/an addictions counselor to talk with him/her about his habits. Perhaps he is in denial, doesn't think he has a problem, etc.

I think we all find great strength in others. I have been going to individual counseling myself and also jsut started Alanon, both have been a real godsend to me. Just wonderful and saved my sanity. People who have been through this understand our feelings so well, it's hard to talk w/those who have not been through it at all. They have NO clue what it feels like.

WE are here anytime you want to talk or vent, etc. Good to talk about it.

SexySadie

I really have to agree...I thought I was in my own personal hell until I found these various groups...Our friends keep sugar coating the current situation...oh he'll be back just sit and wait...or some say just forget the jerk you can do better than him...move on. I know they mean well...but at the same time, I can't go to them and break down. I have good moments and moments where I swear dying would feel like the best option. It's only been two weeks but I am in limbo. I don't know what he is doing...he's moved in with a strange woman and has all his stuff here...I had to beg to get my keys back and he was furious that I cut off his life line (cell phone). He tells me he loves me, she means nothing...but he has his peace of mind there (in other words, she lets him drink in the house). I'm feeling better today...but who knows about tomorrow or the next day. I just keep trudging along trying to hold myself together and each day that I do...is another day I have survived without him.

equus

I asked myself a couple of questions before getting married, would I marry him if I knew he had a brain tumour, the answer was yes, without reservation, would I marry him if he had early onset alzheimers - the answer was yes again. It wasn't because these would have been things I'd have wanted it was because it was HIM I wanted and he came along with things that could get equally as rough. It still scared me - it still does but a lot less than it did.

Everybody is different but for me it's things I don't understand that scare me the most - I had a LOT of learning to do, it's not finished yet but I've done enough to begin to reep the benefits.

You mentioned anxiety? My husband deals with that too - and there are others here. Personally I needed to learn as much, if not more about that than the drinking. It can be more confusing and just as destructive both to an individual and a relationship. For a start it's worth understanding some of the changes that take place with a surge of adrenaline, grumpiness, making no sense, loss of logic, etc. All of those things can make someone seem like they suddenly don't care - and then to add insult to injury it gets worse asking someone dealing with it to explain ESPECIALLY while they deal with it.

BUT on the bright side the more you understand the easier it gets, when my hubby starts talking cr@p it's usually anxiety - I just ask if I can help and he knows I know, the daft reasons stop, he nearly always just says 'no', takes my hand and he gets on with it himself.

Onto the courage fear thing. I don't think courage is the lack of fear. I think courage is to live the life you believe in and want despite fear - whether that's to stay with your fella or leave.

I wouldn't have stayed with someone else, a different man, for any other reasons than the ones that made me chose D, and that's who he is as a whole, complete package, that includes the way he deals with stuff. I see more courage in my hubby than I've ever known - never mind having shown myself.