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Old 07-07-2005, 04:20 PM
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Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
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Newbie Here

Hi Everyone!! I've been reading posts now for over a month now and I really like feeling like I'm not alone in this. My problem seems to be a little different than most I have read about. I have been married to an alcoholic for almost 15 years. After many failed attempts to quit on his own he joined AA 3 weeks ago and has not been drinking. I've prayed for this for so long but I haven't been able to enjoy it like I thought I would. After each time he went back to drinking I would be so disappointed and to be honest I would cry like a baby. It's hard for me to let go of the fear I have that this won't last. Part of this comes from the fact that he quit to save our marriage. If his drinking wasn't such a problem for me he most likely would still be drinking. Question! Is this quiting for the wrong reason? I wish I could let go of this and enjoy it! Thanks Kerry
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Old 07-07-2005, 05:06 PM
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Hi Reader

You've come to the right place, that's for sure.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but usually if the A does it for any other reason, but for him/herself, chances are great that he will relapse. And/or get angry with you in the future and when you have an argument, he could say things like "I did this for you! For our marraige, what more do you want from me?"

I've only known ONE man to stay sober after his wife told him to sober up or she's leaving.

The rest just do the "right" things and say the "right" things to buy more time with you. Manipulation is a biggee with A's. They can tell a lie better than the truth. And,..then forget the truth because they've lied so much to everyone.

Are you going to Al anon? It's a great support system. I wouldn't wait for him to get his life together........get on with your's. If he stays sober.......great! But, if not...stick to your guns and walk away like you said you would or it'll just repeat it's self over and over and that'll kill not only him, but you,too and life's too short.

Actions speak SO much louder than words!

I'm sorry, hon!

(((hugs)))
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Old 07-07-2005, 07:56 PM
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Have you tried al-anon yet? It should answer your questions and support you.
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Old 07-07-2005, 09:31 PM
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Welcome to SR, Kerry...

I agree with the suggestion of Al-Anon as a place for you to find comfort, support, answers and a way out of the alcoholic confusion. It's the first thing I found that helped, and it's bee helping consistently for a long time now.

Keep coming back! There's plenty to be gained here as well, from reading and sharing...

I wish you peace!
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Old 07-07-2005, 09:36 PM
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Maybe quitting to keep you in his life IS the same as doing it for himself. You never know, it does actually work for some people, but hopefully he will keep going to meetings and consider long term counseling as well. My friend has quit and started again 3 times - just going to AA didn't do it for him. But everyone is different. Just enjoy the present and pray for the best.
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Old 07-07-2005, 09:39 PM
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From what I have been told, he should quit for HIM and him only.


I'm glad he is going to AA now.


You really should go to Alanon. I think it would really help you a lot.

One thing they teach is to detach w/love. Also, your feelings don't have to hinge on the alcoholic's every move, like them relapsing, etc.

It sounds really tough I know, but learing some of those things can save you some energy.
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