jordan1980

Hi all,

I am wondering how is it that I am supposed to deal/work through the resentments that I have for my AH? Right now I just seem to be FULL OF THEM!!!!! I just want to rip his head off at the moment
Our relationship has definetly gotten better......but I kinda feel like I am the one that it putting forth all of the effort. Anyways just wondering how it is that I am supposed to let go of all the resentments???

Any input would be great,
Thanks everyone.

BrokenMirror

How does that mantra go? God grant me the serenity to ..... I cannot change...

Only thing I know fer sure, rippin' his head off will land you in jail.

Maybe a karate class -- something physical & vocal -- take it out there.

On the cheaper front, I've heard writing it all down takes some of the sting out. Wad & toss where it can't be retrieved, to avoid confrontation.

nocellphone

I've learned that keeping the focus on myself and watching my expectations helps dissolve resentments and prevent new ones.

I've heard countless times that expectations are premeditated resentments, and that holding a resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die...

minnie

Lo and behold, Teach posted this last night on the General Recovery forum!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=63491

CodeMaster

I suprisingly sometimes still find myself with resentments, when I workout, if I'm alone, I'll max out on my lifts to point of screaming in the pain but I find myself getting more angry as I do this but yet doing a lot more weights... Have a private gym at my building so sometimes nobody is there but me and the machines....

I figure one day it'll all be gone. So for now, I just enjoy life and not worry about the temporary resentments.

historyteach

Thanks, Minnie! I was just going to go looking for that thread! LOL!
You know, minnie, sometimes I find JUST the right thing posted exactly when I need it.
Jordan, I hope you find the link helpful. Also, Broken and nocell have good thoughts. Both concern taking care of ourselves and giving it up to your HP.
I wish you the best. Continue to come and post. Tell us how it's going. We're here. And we understand.
Shalom!

CatsTail

Karate is a good one for that so is weight training.

In A.A we're told to pray for people we resent and wish them all the good things we would want for ourselves.

Having no expectations is the best way.

Ngaire

splendra

I alot of times ask my H what he thinks about how I feel. If something he is doing is making me crazy.. I first ask myself is this just how he is? or, is it something I need to talk to him about? Am I wanting change or not accepting something that will most likely not change? I also ask myself what do I want or need in a given situation.

I have found if I ask for what I need or want I usually get it and if I don't ask I need not expect that he is going to read my mind...

sunshinebluesky

i havent read that thread yet that minnie posted,but i DEFINATLEY will.......as i have had this problem with resentments long before the a came along.
time definately has an efffect on resentments.......some in my past are long gone now......
for me writing it down seems to help alot.......sometimes i will go back and read, and i am able to rip up and throw it all away. other times, i have to hold on to them for awhile, before im able to do that.
venting, in whatever way....writing-talking to friends-posting here-seems to help.
i think,too--you really have to honestly evaluate them, and realize some may be valid in that you cant expect them to just disappear.....and others,especially if you are trying to salvage a relationship, you have to let go. though, how you do that, i dont know......let me know if anyone finds the answer!!
i have many regarding my latest relationship with the a. and from past experience, i know that,IF we were to try again anytime soon, it would never work out because of them.
its funny, because i was just thinking about this the other day regarding past lovers and relationships.....(that happens alot on these boards--i guess we are all the same people with the same feelings,and emotions), that the only person i still feel any resentment about anything is my children's father. and it is over my son, who still at 26, can make life stressful.......my resentment is that his dad never had to, and still doesnt, had to deal with my son's problems in the ways that i do. i am always feeling during my son's episodes, "why is it always me, that deals with this crap.....never his father,and the step mother--ok, well VERY rarely.......
its one resentment in my life that is still there after fifteen years, and i suspect will always be there.
i guess ONE that lingers for a lifetime aint all that bad...............................