notbychoice

here's one for you, My daughter called me a work today and was so upset. She told me that my basement was all trashed. Everything was either turned upside down or on its side. I told her to put her Dad on the phone and I asked him what happened. He said yeah I trashed the basement. I asked him why. He said because he could not get to the fridge to get his beer with the tennis table in the way, so he got mad and trashed the whole down stairs.

Then when I came home, my son went into his room, and started to cry. AH went in his room and threw everything all over his room. You cannot even see the floor. His T. V, Clothes, bedding everything all over the place.

SO now I have to help clean up his room, the basement and the rest of the house after working 38 hours at my job, I get to clean... Great. I don't understand why he thinks it is okay to get mad a destroy the house. He says we are childish, well I think he just won the all time award for childish ways.

Oh I forgot to tell you this, He also went in our toddles room and threw her sock drawer all over her bed.

I guess ah was having a fit.... Just like a baby....

I just had to tell you about my day today. I am really not looking forward to him coming home tonight....

Well I hope you all had a better day and thanks for listening to me today again.

Many blessings to each and everyone...

Savana 54

I'm sorry NBC...

To me, it seems that he is becoming or is violent. His behaviour shows that. I'm just concerned that it may escalate and he may try to take his anger out on you or your kids.

Certainly, this is not good for the kids seeing his uncontrolable anger, and violent fits. What is that teaching them?

The last day my xabf was here, he started doing almost the same thing. I called the cops and he was asked to leave. He hasn't been back since.

Please stay safe..

Thoughts and prayers going out to you and your children...I feel so bad for your little ones to have witnessed that

((((hugs)))

brightlight

My gosh!!!! I was typing a post and had a big big long post and was really telling about my horrible AH, but clicked a button and lost all I typed and then started back over and saw your post and decided to reply to yours. I think that is horrible! In my post that I lost I was telling how I have figured out my husband wants the kids and me sad. He told me that he knows we are sad and he is going to change and we will be happy again. I finally got this figured out. He tells me things like he is going to quit and then he sees how happy I am and then he gets depressed and goes back to drinking. He cannot stand to see me happy. No matter what I say, he does the oposite and he will never do what I want. I had a fit the other day saying something like I was going to take the kids and go places in the evening and have fun while he was at the bar and he looked at me kind of nutty like and said well tell me if you find any fun. Well I am going to have fun. Going to join a gym that has a pool and get the kids swimming lessons. Taking them ice skating and I may start ice skating myself, but your post reminds me of something. If I have fun then he is going to make sure my life is hell and one thing I am not going to do is have hell and worries. One night last winter he went to the bar and the kids and I went to town and he came home and we were not here. He knew we were out shopping and eating. He tore the living room up. He smashed the kids toybox to pieces and threw all the toys outside. Threw a computer chair over the back of another chair and broke the leg on the chair. The wall had scratches and the ceiling. Oh and he tore the phone up. He has thrown several phones out the door or out the window over the last 3 years. I have made up my mind that if I have fun and he goes to the bar and I am not yelling and he is doing what he wants, but he tries anything like thrashing the house then I am going to make it real painful for him. I am either going to tear all his clothes up or I am taking pictures of what he did and mail to his boss, or I am going to leave him for a few days, or something. Something that will break him of this little bad habit. Oh, and I asked him why and he said one of the toys in the box was talking and he could not shut it off and he had lost his cell phone at the bar and was mad about that. Only thing is when he came home and he was starting to get out of hand, I kicked him out of the house and told him to go back to the bar and as soon as he got there I got a phone call and GUESS WHAT, he just happened to find his phone there. He did drink and drive till he ran over a guy and now he will not park the car in the bar parking lot and he will usually not drink and drive, so it was scary and painful to him and he quit doing it. I had yelled and yelled about our car there in that parking lot when he lives across the street and that he did not need to drink and drive. If he tries to tear my house up then he is going to get something back. I think taking a picture of it would really get to my husband. Hope you have a better day. Mine is at the bar and I do not care at all. I have decided it is a lot more peaceful here without him.

cloudy

NBC, ((big hug)) for you, and thank you for reminding me of what I will not go back to, even though right now it's hard to be in the stages of things I am now, it's steps forward and that is something i will not go back to...not mentally not physically will not go back to what could turn right back into that very environment (no kids but animals and me). Be patient with yourself but put what's happened today in your file in your mind and keep it handy ok...


brightlight, ((big hug)) for you too....i mean this well...i don't think your idea will help things, more like it would just play into it and go back and forth and get worse and worse and i don't think that will make things better or anyone feel better or certainly not fix anything...

brightlight

You are right, I am just playing right along with it. If I react to it then he will like it. The worst I act then the more he will do it. He might not do it again because I forgot. My brother was here and him and the kids were getting ready to pick it all up and I told them no, that AH was. We left it and the next morning I made him pick all of that up and he was working fast because I think he was afraid somebody would see and it was out in the yard. It was cold too. One of the reasons I put up with him is that he is not bad when he does not drink and I can get away with things like making him clean his own mess up. When we first got married he was drinking one night and was getting mad over nothing and just smashed his hand right through the glass and tried to tear the stereo up, but I stopped him. I have never seen him do anything like that again till last winter. I cannot say that I will leave him because that is just blowing off steam. When I do it then there will be no warning or anything. I have told him I was leaving, but there is no use talking about it becuase I am not ready yet, but I still do not have this right if I think tearing up his clothes or taking a picture of it will work. That is the drama he wants, so right now if he ever does it again, I will just make him clean it up and that night I went to Walmart and bought a better phone. LOL

gelfling

If you keep going behind him and cleaning up his messes, he'll keep doing it. It's an attention getter. Like a kid who has a hissy fit. It will be difficult, but don't straighten it up and when he starts complaining the house is a wreck, remind him that it was his doing and he can clean it up.

Are you going to alanon and have you considered taking your kids to alateen and or alatot? You might feel you have to live with him, but none of you have to be as sick as he is.

Blessings

minnie

Totally agree, Kathy.

Choose the behaviour, choose the consequences.

Don't forget - alcoholics have arrested emotional development. They are perpetually stuck at the age that they started drinking. We grow by facing our problems and learning from our mistakes. Alcoholics turn to the bottle instead.

Also, I would suggest that this kind of behaviour may be part of the "game". Trash something up, you get mad, they have an excuse to drink. Al-anon helped me to stop being a player in those games.

Beautiful

Absolutely part of the game. The further we got into debt (from HIS prior life), the faster I would work and the more he would sit. The reason? *I* was "nagging" him.

Hmmmm.....

Your debt, you're sitting. Not my debt, I'm working my rear off. Nice trade for him if he can get it. So, who's the fool in this situation?

CatsTail

They are very childish and self-centrered and selfish and on and on.

Ngaire