i have four straight days of balance......
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
i have four straight days of balance......
for the first time in weeks. thats not saying i still dont think of him and all that transpired, but i am more balanced about it. four straight days of inner peace, four straight days of realizing exactly why i was reacting the way i was, four straight days of realizing i wasnt happy with him for a very long time and him finding someone else actually was the best thing that could have happened. four straight days of getting to know myself again, and genuinely loving her.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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I am so happy for you, Sunshine! My xAB boyfriend moved out three months ago, and I recently realized the same thing. It was the best thing that could have happened for me, too. Love reading posts like this.
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ok, i need just alittle itty bitty bit of reineforcement here.........as i have posted before, back a few weeks ago,i was downright mean to him. i found myself acting like a pyschotic 16 year old. said some nasty things....BUT they were true. this past sat, i emailed him (from his own aol account that i had (and still do,cuz he is so alcohol induced stupid) a screen name on; and told him i really wished i had a reasonable explanation as to how he could tell me he loved me on may 10th,and then ask her to move in with him within three weeks of knowing her. i then preceded to tell him that i was using all my self control not to email his boss' wife.................(that was referring to all the nasty things (he knows i have on my computer ) that he called her, while DEFENDING himself for letting her tell me i had to deal with her hanging on him cuz she signed his paycheck.(now, they are all still just real friendly with each other)
i never had any intention of reallly doing that....i just wanted him to worry.....i just wanted to cause him some pain that i was feeling..................and i felt that i was really made a fool of, by all of them.
of course,i got no reply and didnt expect to.actually, i thought he would realize i still had the screen name and delete it,so i couldnt use it. and as i said, i guess me venting all this stuff, and going thru the whole process did help, because i have really had this balance the past 4 days since. so, i was thinking that i guess i did what i had to do, right or wrong, for my own self to be able to get over it. i am truly satisfied that we should have never been together in the first place, and never will be again.and i know that we cant be any kind of friends. in the past four days, i remembered that it was i who wanted out of the relationship, why, and it is very ok for him to move on.
so now, i have noticed that his dad, who used to talk to me on occasion on the computer, is ignoring me. the first time i tried to talk to him since sat,and he didnt answer, i blew it off to maybe he was having computer problems.and then when i did wonder if he was ignoring me,i truly was ok with it.i thought it was for the better anyhow. but tonite, when i signed on, he signed off (or became invisible)
so i just need some reinforcement here......should i feel bad? i did at first, wondering what he told him.........but then i thought,i really didnt do or say anything that bad, and if even his own father doesnt have the ba**s to tell me he doesnt want to talk to me,and why.....why should i feel bad??
and i swear on my life,the other nasty things i said were only that he could stick the computer he wanted to SELL me after all this, you know where (!)along with his alcoholic friends, and that he was right all along,he is a worthless drunk (he used to call himself a drunk alot).
in the past month since all this started, i have had very little contact with him...its not like i have been constantly harrassing him or anything like it.
i know its better anyway that i dont have contact with his dad either, but it did just make me feel bad, like guilty or something.
pats on the shoulder, please???????????????????? hug???????????????????
i never had any intention of reallly doing that....i just wanted him to worry.....i just wanted to cause him some pain that i was feeling..................and i felt that i was really made a fool of, by all of them.
of course,i got no reply and didnt expect to.actually, i thought he would realize i still had the screen name and delete it,so i couldnt use it. and as i said, i guess me venting all this stuff, and going thru the whole process did help, because i have really had this balance the past 4 days since. so, i was thinking that i guess i did what i had to do, right or wrong, for my own self to be able to get over it. i am truly satisfied that we should have never been together in the first place, and never will be again.and i know that we cant be any kind of friends. in the past four days, i remembered that it was i who wanted out of the relationship, why, and it is very ok for him to move on.
so now, i have noticed that his dad, who used to talk to me on occasion on the computer, is ignoring me. the first time i tried to talk to him since sat,and he didnt answer, i blew it off to maybe he was having computer problems.and then when i did wonder if he was ignoring me,i truly was ok with it.i thought it was for the better anyhow. but tonite, when i signed on, he signed off (or became invisible)
so i just need some reinforcement here......should i feel bad? i did at first, wondering what he told him.........but then i thought,i really didnt do or say anything that bad, and if even his own father doesnt have the ba**s to tell me he doesnt want to talk to me,and why.....why should i feel bad??
and i swear on my life,the other nasty things i said were only that he could stick the computer he wanted to SELL me after all this, you know where (!)along with his alcoholic friends, and that he was right all along,he is a worthless drunk (he used to call himself a drunk alot).
in the past month since all this started, i have had very little contact with him...its not like i have been constantly harrassing him or anything like it.
i know its better anyway that i dont have contact with his dad either, but it did just make me feel bad, like guilty or something.
pats on the shoulder, please???????????????????? hug???????????????????
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
P.s.
and just so ya all know, i did take ALL of them off my buddy list tonite!!!! 
DAY FIVE COMIN UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAY FIVE COMIN UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by sunshinebluesky; 06-29-2005 at 10:10 PM. Reason: add a line
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Join Date: Nov 2004
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Sorry, But Ive Got To Add This!!!
I had a very vivid dream,i think it was sunday or monday night....of a large snake.....all i remember is that it was vivid,big,and very poisionous....if it bit you it would instantly kill you.....it was extremely near to me and whoever else it was in the dream...i think it was my kids,but im not sure...well anyway i looked up the meaning...................................snakes represent transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive changes. pretty amazing, huh???
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Yay!! I love posts like this - you're like a butterfly coming out of the chrysalis.
You know what? Very soon, you'll wonder why you were stressing about him, the other woman and his Dad. Because from now on, your time will be taken up with your recovery.
My ex was trying to get me back for months - crying on the phone, telling me that he couldn't live without me etc etc. All the time he was doing this, he was meeting women off the internet. That really hurt when I found out. And I guess it did until I saw him again last week and viewed him through new eyes. He is emotionally, spiritually and morally bankrupt. So why would he act any differently? It wasn't about me - it was all about him. And always was, to be honest.
Anyway, keep at it. This is a wonderful journey and we are honoured to share it with you.
Love
Minnie
xxx
You know what? Very soon, you'll wonder why you were stressing about him, the other woman and his Dad. Because from now on, your time will be taken up with your recovery.
My ex was trying to get me back for months - crying on the phone, telling me that he couldn't live without me etc etc. All the time he was doing this, he was meeting women off the internet. That really hurt when I found out. And I guess it did until I saw him again last week and viewed him through new eyes. He is emotionally, spiritually and morally bankrupt. So why would he act any differently? It wasn't about me - it was all about him. And always was, to be honest.
Anyway, keep at it. This is a wonderful journey and we are honoured to share it with you.
Love
Minnie
xxx
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