It ended (for real this time) with a bang
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 67
It ended (for real this time) with a bang
Well, after two months of quasi-successful friendship with my exABF, I think it finally ended last night, as in I probably won't be talking to him again. I'm still not sure why I did it - maybe in the sake of honesty, maybe to force the issue - but I told him I was going on a date this Thus.
He tried to forbid me to go, and told me that if I went on this date, that he would never speak to me again. I said, what am I waiting for? If I wait another month for you, what's going to be different? He didn't have an answer.
I don't think he was even listening to me - he kept going on and on about things that really didn't have any bearing in reality or a resolution to the situation at hand. Finally, I said if that's the way it's going to be, why wait until Thursday - let's just say good bye now.
I'll tell you though, the clarity I felt was great - I could feel the oppressive manipulation bearing down on me, and I pattently rejected it.
I regret the way this is ending - I wish we could've found a way to remain friends. And I do understand how it could be painful to watch me date other men, I've gotta give him that one. But I know this is the right thing. There were no tears after we hung up the phone, just a deep breath and a sense of peace.
Anyway, in an effort to truly put all this behind me, I probably won't be coming back here anymore. I'm tired of dwelling in it. I'm 99.9999% convinced at this point (maybe with a little more work) that I'm capable of allowing a healthy relationship with a healthy man, and am looking forward to that possibility, be it in the near future or in the distant future (I'm in no raging hurry - biological tick very quiet at this point).
I promise I will keep on my development - I always have been and always will be an avid reader of "self help" books, among others.
Finally, a sincere thank you to all of you here. Every one of you is courageous beyond words... and the way you willingly open up your hearts to everyone else on this board...I can only say that it is a quality that will only serve the universe well.
and now my usual sign off, that never quite seemed appropriate on this board,
Cheers, all ~
Gwen
He tried to forbid me to go, and told me that if I went on this date, that he would never speak to me again. I said, what am I waiting for? If I wait another month for you, what's going to be different? He didn't have an answer.
I don't think he was even listening to me - he kept going on and on about things that really didn't have any bearing in reality or a resolution to the situation at hand. Finally, I said if that's the way it's going to be, why wait until Thursday - let's just say good bye now.
I'll tell you though, the clarity I felt was great - I could feel the oppressive manipulation bearing down on me, and I pattently rejected it.
I regret the way this is ending - I wish we could've found a way to remain friends. And I do understand how it could be painful to watch me date other men, I've gotta give him that one. But I know this is the right thing. There were no tears after we hung up the phone, just a deep breath and a sense of peace.
Anyway, in an effort to truly put all this behind me, I probably won't be coming back here anymore. I'm tired of dwelling in it. I'm 99.9999% convinced at this point (maybe with a little more work) that I'm capable of allowing a healthy relationship with a healthy man, and am looking forward to that possibility, be it in the near future or in the distant future (I'm in no raging hurry - biological tick very quiet at this point).
I promise I will keep on my development - I always have been and always will be an avid reader of "self help" books, among others.
Finally, a sincere thank you to all of you here. Every one of you is courageous beyond words... and the way you willingly open up your hearts to everyone else on this board...I can only say that it is a quality that will only serve the universe well.
and now my usual sign off, that never quite seemed appropriate on this board,
Cheers, all ~
Gwen
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
(((Gwen)))
Do what you need to do. And only you know what that is. I wish you a long and happy life and hope you've picked up some useful tips during your time here.
I'll miss you, but I totally understand.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Do what you need to do. And only you know what that is. I wish you a long and happy life and hope you've picked up some useful tips during your time here.
I'll miss you, but I totally understand.
Love
Minnie
xxx
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Wow, I could have written you post; the part about his reaction when you told him about moving on and dating someone else. Sounds SO familiar.
I wish you would'nt go. Sometimes I feel this board is very useful, but at the same time keeps me dwelling on him.
((((((hugs))))))
I will miss your posts!!!
I wish you would'nt go. Sometimes I feel this board is very useful, but at the same time keeps me dwelling on him.
((((((hugs))))))
I will miss your posts!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
I feel the way you do sometimes Gwen....but I think once sucked.... in the potential may always be there. I keep coming back to see all my friends at SR getting healthier everyday. It's amazing! My greatest sense of joy is seeing folks go from incredible pain to amazing recovery.....you my friend are a fine example of what I mean. Good luck and much happiness to you.
Love, Patty
Love, Patty
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Gwen...
You will be missed here!!!
I hope you might come back from time to time to share the good stuff in your life with those of us who might benefit from hearing it!
As I've heard in Al-Anon meetings:
When you're feeling bad, you need a meeting. When you're feeling good, a meeting needs you...
Whatever you choose, I wish you love, peace, serenity and joy!
NCP
You will be missed here!!!
I hope you might come back from time to time to share the good stuff in your life with those of us who might benefit from hearing it!
As I've heard in Al-Anon meetings:
When you're feeling bad, you need a meeting. When you're feeling good, a meeting needs you...
Whatever you choose, I wish you love, peace, serenity and joy!
NCP
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
I wish you would'nt go. Sometimes I feel this board is very useful, but at the same time keeps me dwelling on him.
whatever you end up doing or not doing here, i hope that things go very well for you--------and that you find that inner peace and closure we all so desire.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
I just wanted to add something.
I left my ex in December and moved away in March. I considered not continuing with Al-anon and SR. But I realised that both are for (and about) ME, not him. Also, and perhaps more importantly, the only reason that I am in a healthier place now is because of those that have been before me and shared their E, S & H. It would be pretty churlish of me not to do the same for others. If there weren't people in here and at Al-anon who were at different stages of recovery, they would both tumble like a house of cards. I have to be careful not to dwell on my crappy stuff from the past and focus on the recovery and I don't always get the balance right for my own emotional health. But learning that balance is part of my recovery too.
I left my ex in December and moved away in March. I considered not continuing with Al-anon and SR. But I realised that both are for (and about) ME, not him. Also, and perhaps more importantly, the only reason that I am in a healthier place now is because of those that have been before me and shared their E, S & H. It would be pretty churlish of me not to do the same for others. If there weren't people in here and at Al-anon who were at different stages of recovery, they would both tumble like a house of cards. I have to be careful not to dwell on my crappy stuff from the past and focus on the recovery and I don't always get the balance right for my own emotional health. But learning that balance is part of my recovery too.
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