What Do You Tell Your Friends?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 68
What Do You Tell Your Friends?
Any advice on what or how to tell your friends when you've stopped drinking, i.e. why? oh come on, just come out for a couple (of beers), etc.
Any tips on distancing yourself from drinking buddies without hurting their feelings?
In other words, tactful excuses for not going to the bar.
Thanks.
Any tips on distancing yourself from drinking buddies without hurting their feelings?
In other words, tactful excuses for not going to the bar.
Thanks.
Future Philanthropist
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 233
Originally Posted by charlieinthebox
Any advice on what or how to tell your friends when you've stopped drinking, i.e. why? oh come on, just come out for a couple (of beers), etc.
Any tips on distancing yourself from drinking buddies without hurting their feelings?
In other words, tactful excuses for not going to the bar.
Thanks.
Any tips on distancing yourself from drinking buddies without hurting their feelings?
In other words, tactful excuses for not going to the bar.
Thanks.
) As a bonus, my life seems extremely important and exciting to my drinking buddies if I seem like I have something more pressing to attend to LOLOccassionally I get the 'dont you drink' speil, but early on I'm just answering that I have some earth shattering plans that require my not drinking. It's working so far. I'll change my story as I learn to not give a #@$^ what other people think down the road.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The place where heads are made of cheese
Posts: 7
Just tell them the truth, that you don't drink anymore. "Real" friends will respect that, the rest of them don't really care as they'll just drink with somebody else. I found it to stressful to keep making crap up, it also makes it easier on my sobriety, once I let people know that I quit drinking they kinda watch to see if I'll start again or I should say when, so that keeps me focused and more determined. I don't recommend hanging out at the bars, parties or anywhere around alcohol early on, the temptation will be to high and you would just be asking for trouble, it's hard enough the way it is, don't make it any harder on yourself. I am an alcoholic, I am not ashamed of that (anymore), I don't run around screaming it from the top of my lungs, but it is who I am and I deal with it one day at a time. Just be honest.
Robin
Robin
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
Yes, that works what 2 tough says.
But it isn't always the easiest spot, because they can really really push.. Oh I have stories of my last job, well this is Wisconsin, the beer drinking capitol of the US.. And it is not to accepted when you don't drink, those guys would do everything to get me to drink with them after work, ok we worked 12 hour shifts, and both nights and days, and some of those guys would very regularly get done with work at 6am head right to the bar, and drink until noon and go back in for another 12 hours at 6pm. They were nuts doing that day after day. Of course you know, 2 of the guys I worked with killed themselves,, that is what alcohol does...
But really a couple of times, I had 3 guys follow me to town after work on the highway, they actually surrounded my car, and STOPPED right in the highway, (it was only about 6:15am so there wasn't much traffic) honestly, trying to get me to turn down the road to the bar... That made me mad, what pressure. But I wouldn't go.
They all knew I didn't drink, I pretty much made that clear right away. They didn't like it, but they did somewhat, other than some of their tactics, accept the fact that I didn't drink.
I believe the EASIEST thing in the long run is to just tell the truth, I don't drink anymore. You don't have to say, you're an alcoholic, but just that you gave up drinking. It makes life much easier in the long run.
Sorry this was long, but I thought I'd tell you about things that happened to me.. Love, Becky
But it isn't always the easiest spot, because they can really really push.. Oh I have stories of my last job, well this is Wisconsin, the beer drinking capitol of the US.. And it is not to accepted when you don't drink, those guys would do everything to get me to drink with them after work, ok we worked 12 hour shifts, and both nights and days, and some of those guys would very regularly get done with work at 6am head right to the bar, and drink until noon and go back in for another 12 hours at 6pm. They were nuts doing that day after day. Of course you know, 2 of the guys I worked with killed themselves,, that is what alcohol does...
But really a couple of times, I had 3 guys follow me to town after work on the highway, they actually surrounded my car, and STOPPED right in the highway, (it was only about 6:15am so there wasn't much traffic) honestly, trying to get me to turn down the road to the bar... That made me mad, what pressure. But I wouldn't go.
They all knew I didn't drink, I pretty much made that clear right away. They didn't like it, but they did somewhat, other than some of their tactics, accept the fact that I didn't drink.
I believe the EASIEST thing in the long run is to just tell the truth, I don't drink anymore. You don't have to say, you're an alcoholic, but just that you gave up drinking. It makes life much easier in the long run.
Sorry this was long, but I thought I'd tell you about things that happened to me.. Love, Becky
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
I agree with 2ndTime. I just tell people the truth and deal with the consequences if any. I feel much clearer if I am very direct. It works for me but may not work for others.
nogard
nogard
Guest
Posts: n/a
Several people at the job I used to have were simply astonished. Basically I said, "I'm allergic." They physically recoilled in horror. Funniest thing I've ever seen. One of my X-drinking buddies retorted in disbelief, "NO WAY!" Yep. I quit.
It may require some tact, depending on their personalities, but most normal people will get the drift. I haven't seen any of them in nearly a year. Also, it's a good practice not to go into bars--too dangerous--at least for the first 90 days of sobriety.
It may require some tact, depending on their personalities, but most normal people will get the drift. I haven't seen any of them in nearly a year. Also, it's a good practice not to go into bars--too dangerous--at least for the first 90 days of sobriety.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
I tell them I quit for health reasons. Too many empty calories, trying to get into shape. Of course if you are already in great shape, this may not work so well!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: No. Andover, MA
Posts: 6
I tell people that I am on medication for depression that would negate if I drank (antidepressant vs depressant) so I don't drink. I haven't gotten any negative responses to that. A few of my friends know that I am in AA and are very respectful to me regarding that. Otherwise, the medication excuse works great!! Funny how I can tell people that I have a depressive disorder but am too ashamed just yet of telling them that I am an alcoholic. It will come in due time though. BTW, I don't even take medication for depression, hehe.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Our house.
Posts: 816
I think that many people are teetotal these days so it is perfectly fine just to say that. You have decided to become teetotal. It is even the truth. If you dont feel like going into bars then that is easy too as a lot of teetotallers find bars boring places to be.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Garden City, Missouri
Posts: 12
This is my first post in this forum so I am a little nervous, which is a joke coming from an old drunk that had no fear of running her mouth off at anything 5 years ago. I remember that FEAR of my "buds" finding out that I had "went crazy" and sobered up. I even went so far once as to tell a "bud" that I had cancer and couldn't drink anymore, how sick I had become to want a deadly diease rather than admit I had a deadly diease. Today I have come to realize that I taught all those people how to treat me when I was out there and I can teach them how to treat me now in recovery. I also have used the "allergy" routine, I tell them I break out when I drink, first I'll break out your teeth, then I break out windows etc....but have found out that most around me then and now LIKE me much better now that I have this "allergy". Just keep on keeping on, live each hour in soberity, those hours will turn into days and before long you won't have to make explanations on why you don't,they will want explanations on how you did it?
Support our Troops.
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Republic Of Texas
Posts: 452
When I told my friends of my decision to stay clean/sober I had a big surprise. I have had three other close friends join me!
I can't tell you how great that made me feel. My close circle of friends have been learning how to be clean/sober together.
I can't tell you how great that made me feel. My close circle of friends have been learning how to be clean/sober together.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
