Problem Parents
lillywa
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Marysville, WA
Posts: 1
Problem Parents
Hi- I new to this so here goes.
I'm 28 yrs old, and basically it seems my whole life my father has been an alcoholic. My dad's parents died of alcoholism and all his brothers are also "recovering alcoholics" so you could say it runs in the family. About 15 yrs ago, my dad decided to finally go to AA meetings ( court ordered) and he remained sober for 10 yrs. One night he came home ( this was about 6 yrs ago) and he had a glass in his hand with straight vodka- his favorite. We were all just shocked and extremely upset with him as you can imagine. He had worked so hard to be sober. I guess because of his job and other issues he just couldn't take it no more and had to have a drink. I never bothered asking him till this day why he needed a drink that night. I thought for sure- this is it, my mom's finally going to leave him. Well since he took that drink my mom's been back and forth of deciding to file for divorce because his drinking was soooo bad to the point where he would pass out every day, couldn't hold down a job for more then a yr, hated doing anything with the family etc. We ( my mom, and my two brothers) have all begged him to go get some professional help again and he won't, he says he can control it on his own and you could say he's done that for the past yr but its just a matter of time before he binges again really bad, he's a ticking time bomb. My frustrations have been my mom dumping her marital problems on me. She tells me every day of my life how she hates my father and she wants to get a divorce etc, " So go do it" I tell her but she won't. She'd rather complain to me about it. My mom and I have always had a really good relationship but lately I don't even want to talk to her because all I here is negativeness from her- she's an extremely negative person about everything in life and I don't want to be around it. I don't know how to go about telling her that those are "her issues" with my father- I'm an adult now, and I don't have to deal with it anymore.
I'm 28 yrs old, and basically it seems my whole life my father has been an alcoholic. My dad's parents died of alcoholism and all his brothers are also "recovering alcoholics" so you could say it runs in the family. About 15 yrs ago, my dad decided to finally go to AA meetings ( court ordered) and he remained sober for 10 yrs. One night he came home ( this was about 6 yrs ago) and he had a glass in his hand with straight vodka- his favorite. We were all just shocked and extremely upset with him as you can imagine. He had worked so hard to be sober. I guess because of his job and other issues he just couldn't take it no more and had to have a drink. I never bothered asking him till this day why he needed a drink that night. I thought for sure- this is it, my mom's finally going to leave him. Well since he took that drink my mom's been back and forth of deciding to file for divorce because his drinking was soooo bad to the point where he would pass out every day, couldn't hold down a job for more then a yr, hated doing anything with the family etc. We ( my mom, and my two brothers) have all begged him to go get some professional help again and he won't, he says he can control it on his own and you could say he's done that for the past yr but its just a matter of time before he binges again really bad, he's a ticking time bomb. My frustrations have been my mom dumping her marital problems on me. She tells me every day of my life how she hates my father and she wants to get a divorce etc, " So go do it" I tell her but she won't. She'd rather complain to me about it. My mom and I have always had a really good relationship but lately I don't even want to talk to her because all I here is negativeness from her- she's an extremely negative person about everything in life and I don't want to be around it. I don't know how to go about telling her that those are "her issues" with my father- I'm an adult now, and I don't have to deal with it anymore.
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Welcome to SR! This is a great site! 
I'm sorry you are having to deal with your father being an A, and your mother dumping all her problems on you; and your right, you don't have to deal with it anymore!!
Have you checked out AlAnon? It's a really great place to start, and there are a lot of supportive people. Maybe after you try a meeting and find that you like it, you can then invite your Mom.
((((hugs)))
I'm sorry you are having to deal with your father being an A, and your mother dumping all her problems on you; and your right, you don't have to deal with it anymore!!
Have you checked out AlAnon? It's a really great place to start, and there are a lot of supportive people. Maybe after you try a meeting and find that you like it, you can then invite your Mom.
((((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: AK
Posts: 143
Glad to see you found your way here!!!! Not so glad that you needed to. Having the same problem with my mom(father is not an A but they do fight continually)I found that if I am just straight forward with her she mellows out. She has mentioned divorce a couple of times and I just say do what is best for you. Please take care of yourself and a big hug for you
Zoe
Zoe
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Brantford, Ontario
Posts: 22
WOW! You sound exactly like I did. My mom finally left my dad (10 years) But the whole time she would tell me things that he was doing...sometimes in detail.
I always held it against him...for years until one day I realized that my mom shouldn't have told me about THERE problems, I just started talking to him about 3 years ago. Inviting him over and everything. I remember getting mad at him and my mom reminding me that, that was your father. Now that we get along...it really anoys her to the point that when he's over...she'll call. Your worried about your dad, and you should be. If your close to your mom and he's hurting her....you could end up hating him... Here's the catch....he's not doing it to you, he's doing it to himself. I am slowly realizing that they have to want to help themselfs, don't hold it against him.
If there's a family history than you have your hands full...but be there for him and for yourself. I just started Al-anon and my second meeting is in about a week. It was a rough start but I just keep thinking about why I'm here. You sound frustrated and angry...and you should. So am I...My mother is an A, she's driving me nuts. I believe that there is a light at the end...just have to be patient.
(((stressed 1)))
I always held it against him...for years until one day I realized that my mom shouldn't have told me about THERE problems, I just started talking to him about 3 years ago. Inviting him over and everything. I remember getting mad at him and my mom reminding me that, that was your father. Now that we get along...it really anoys her to the point that when he's over...she'll call. Your worried about your dad, and you should be. If your close to your mom and he's hurting her....you could end up hating him... Here's the catch....he's not doing it to you, he's doing it to himself. I am slowly realizing that they have to want to help themselfs, don't hold it against him.
If there's a family history than you have your hands full...but be there for him and for yourself. I just started Al-anon and my second meeting is in about a week. It was a rough start but I just keep thinking about why I'm here. You sound frustrated and angry...and you should. So am I...My mother is an A, she's driving me nuts. I believe that there is a light at the end...just have to be patient.
(((stressed 1)))
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