notbychoice

Hello All....

I just thought I would let you know that I talked again with my AH last night after I got home from the ER with my daughter. I told him that his drinking was not my fault and I was not going to take the blame. I told him that I was not going to ask him to stop drinking any more and that I had to work on me and the kids. I told him some of the things I feel, need to be heard by him without him getting mad at me. Just like I need to hear what he has to say without me getting mad. (which is hard sometimes)

I told him that I have posted on this board and have gotten some good advice and am Learning So Much from you all and from the web sights on all this. He told me that Some of the things I do and say cause him to drink. I told him he could not blame me for his drinking again. I did ask him what I did and said that would cause it. He said it was cause and effect. so I really did not want to fight with him last night, so I told him that I loved him and that I was going to bed seeing it was after 1 am.

I did a lot of praying last night and did a lot of thinking at work, and I have decided this....I am going to try to be a good wife and work on me and the family. If he drinks then I will just go in another room or whatever so I don't have to see it. If I see that he is trying to make this work then I will try harder and keep our marriage together. But if I try hard and I see that the drinking does not get better without me saying anything or causing the drinking then I Jan/Feb I will take the kids and leave. I figure 6 or so months would be good enough time to see which way this is all going to go. Plus it will give me time to get my life in order just in case I have to get another house for the kids and I, and save money. If things work out then I have the money for other things.

I think this is a good plan for right now and then No-one can say I did not at least try to keep our family together. Now the ball is in his court and we will see what happens. I know it is not going to be easy, but This way I can see if it is something I did do to cause him to drink or if he is just using me as the excuse (which I think I am the excuse, so he does not have to face the truth about what he is doing.)

Well again I am sorry for such a long post. I just wanted to let you know what is going on.

Thanks for all your caring words and for being here for me.
Blessings and may each day gets better for you all.
(((((hugs)))))

queenofthehwy

That sounds like a plan. Make sure you take the time to really work on you, and if he does do better keep working on YOU!!! I find that when he gets better I stop focusing on me and we end up doing the same thing over and over INSANITY!!!

notbychoice

Yeah your right all the way..... I have seen that with things for the last 8+ years.

A few girls and I are planning on going to the gym and walking and getting our weight off. This past year has been real hard on me. My health is not so good sometimes, I have had 14+ surgeries over the years and found out I have Chrons. INt he past year I have had about 5 already. Dang what a mess (LOL) So My plan is to try and get my health back and try and feel good about my self again.

Thanks for posting and take care, Blessings

meli2005

Good for you setting those boundaries!! You have given him time to get better and you have a plan for yourself.

brightlight

Good for you! I wish I could, but not there yet. I know I am closer, but I cannot do it yet. Mine has done the samething with saying it is my fault. It started 3 years ago and he said I was not paying enough attention to him and was not interested in him, so he started drinking. I worried about that and when I started showing interest he still went to the bar. He is using it has an excuse big time. If I show interest in him then he gets his way with me and then still goes. He decided to stay home tonight and he drank 6 beers and started sipping on the whiskey and then went to the bar. He is totally out of control and I am exercising and I am going to lose this weight and be healthy.