spirit30

I'm not sure how I ended up here today...I need help I guess. I've been struggling now for many years with marijuana addiction. Here's my story in a nutshell: I wake up in the morning saying to my self "Why am i doing this, i need to stop, then i put on my happy face and get ready and go to work(sober)...often strategizing for much of the day about how i will fix this problem. Then at about 6:00 pm daily (around the time my daughter is getting ready for bed) i start to envision myself puffing back on a big joint. By 8:00pm my daughter is in bed, by 9:00 i'm puffing away and feeling relaxed. Then, at about 10:00 (practically ever night) i get a BAD case of the muchies. I lie in bed stuffing, and stuffing, and stuffing myself practically into a coma. I then lie down and go to sleep (followed by a few nightly trips to the fridge to help keep the pain away). Then, i wake up in the morning, bloated, and feeling sick and regretful. I usually feel determined for the first half of the day not to smoke anymore. Of course, my direction changes again by 6:00. I've been doing this for 10 years. I don't toke at all during the day (unless i take the day off and i'm home by myself). I don't know what to do. I don't want to seek help locally because i live in a small town and everyone knows me. It could affect my career. I'm just so fed up with this stupid, depressing cycle. How do i stop.

CAPTAINZING2000

Hmm,

welcome to the site. We are creatures of habit. Sounds like you need a new one. Unless, you grow your own, you're having to make a decision to go buy pot. Have you gave any thought to what would happen if, you were caught trying to buy pot?

Speaking for myself, I drank and did drugs because, I was selfish. I've been in AA for almost 6 years now and I no longer think of just myself. Have you tried NA or any support group to help you stop smoking pot? There's a nothing a joint or drink will do to make your life better.

QueenShenique

Welcome Spirit! You've come to a place where people can relate to your pain, your addiction and desparation! The great news is we have found a way out and together we encourage one another to make it one day at a time staying clean and sober. I'm a two fisted alcoholic (dope in one hand booze in the other) and I've found for the past 161/2 yrs a way to not "pick up" and have had a life I never imagined in my marijuana haze. I used to look at mj as a secret decoder ring to life and truth--but it never did a darned thing to improve my standard of living....After finding a 12 step path--and working those 12 steps I had a personality change sufficient to recover. I found out that I had been filling my emptiness with things that were transient--only a spiritual (not religious) experience could relieve me of the obsession to use. As far as going to meetings--there are on-line meetings in SR--and one little thought--we are so afraid people will find out we are addicts/alcoholics--but, anyone seen in a meeting is there for the same reason you are! And they can't say anything without revealing their own identity as a user! Please stay in contact and check on the on-line meetings. There is hope. Blessings

spirit30

Spiritual awakening, connecting to a higher power. I've felt for a long time that that is what i need. I've even researched some stuff on this. I just can't seem to connect.

KelKel

Hi Spirit and Welcome...
Yep it sounds like you are going through a pretty vicious cycle...
I hope you hang out for awhile, share and read how others are in the process of getting out of detructive habits. That can help you come up with your own plan for recovery... It usually is not easy, but it seems to be easier for alot of us, when we reach out to others and admit that we are human beings being human.

spirit30

Spiritual awakening, connecting to a higher power. I've felt for a long time that that is what i need. I've even researched some stuff on this. I just can't seem to connect.