drgnfly30

I just did something that I thought I would never ever do.. I asked my mom for financial help to get me out from under some bills that AH knows nothing about.. no small figure either - about $15000... I'm sick to my stomach, but I think I upset her as much as I've been upset about the notion of asking for help. She said she'd have to think about it.. I know she has the money but the problem is I can really only afford to pay her back about $100 a month.. it'll take me forever to pay it back... I'm so desperate I suggested that she take it out of my share of her estate when she passes (my sis would get $15k more than me) Our relationship has never been close, very superficial at best... My Dad would get me out of a bind every now & then but co-signing a loan or giving me a loan until $ I was waiting for came in. But Dad has been gone now for 4 years & if he was still alive I'd probably still be on the phone listening to the responsibility speech! I'm literally shaking.. on the brink of tears... I'm so embarrassed to have to ask for help, I made her promise she would keep this between me & her...If I don't get this 'loan' I'll be done for.. I don't have enough $ to cover our monthly bills & AH has no idea so continues to spend $ we don't have... Either way I HAVE to totally revamp my spending habits - I get depressed & go shopping, I get happy & go shopping, I buy the kids things they don't need, I buy lunch, coffee & a danish every day instead of packing, I live in financial denial. I do have a plan though... I have a bunch of collectibles that I can sell on Ebay to get some savings started.. IF the $15000 gets taken care of, I think I can convince AH to refinance our existing mortgage, to consolidate our home equity loan & about $18000 of additional joint debt into a new mortgage & maybe get some desperately needed house repairs done as well. Please pray for me.... I've never felt so vunerable or ashamed.

minnie

(((Sweetie)))

I really feel for you. It takes a lot of guts to come on here and talk about this so honestly and to speak to your Mum. Can I ask why you can't speak to hubby? If he doesn't know any of this then he will just carry on spending you all into a deeper hole.

Getting a grip on what you spend from now on is a great idea. I'm sure there are some good websites if you need ideas. Have you spoken to your creditors? They might be able to agree to a payment plan.

Hope your Mum comes up trumps.

Love

Minnie
xxx

JT

I am so sorry you are having to do this. I hope your plan includes packing your lunch and curtailing your spending because if that doesn't happen a loan against your inheritance is only going to compund your long term problem.

Oh and what Minnie said...why can't you talk to your hubbie?

Hugs,
JT

Stressed 1

What ever your reason is for not talking to your AH, I'm certain it's a good one...but he won't stop spending if he doesn't know. Please call an advisor about your finances, they will help you manage your money...that's what their there for. If you don't and your talking about refinancing your house...you could end up in more trouble then you already are.

I have a friend who is an accountant and she helped me learn to manage my income...wow what a difference. I didn't know it was possible. however you are in my prayers!

stressed 1

drgnfly30

AH knows we are in trouble... just not how much trouble we are in... he's on board with curtailing our spending & refinancing the 'known' debt... so I feel confident that if all goes as planned we'll be on the right track... honestly I live beyond my means & have for a few years - damn credit cards... like I said before I've been living in financial denial. If I tell him about this it'll push him over the edge, I think it's a real possiblity that he'll leave me - not that I haven't fantasized about the idea of splitting up with him, but I am obviously in no position to be on my own right now - not to mention being able to support my kids - he's in a much better position for all of that & I fear what a judge might do regarding custody because of my inability to even afford rent on an apartment. I stayed up last night & came up with a repayment plan for my Mom - I'm looking at five years - slowly at first but once my cars are paid off in 2 1/2 years it'll free up quite a bit of money. I'm taking one step at a time.. I ordered my credit reports this morning, I'm waiting until my mom wakes up to let her know about my repayment plan (hoping that some light at the end of the "loan" will sway her), I'm praying to my HP to get me through this & I'm clipping coupons for my grocery shopping trip to preparefor my first week of brown bagging it!.... Thanks...
Christine

GettingBy

As scary as it may sound, I think your best choice would be full disclosure to your husband. Telling him any less than the full truth will only leave YOU with misery. I finally had the guts to get honest about our finances, and it was the ONLY thing that really opened my husband's eyes. Me trying to hide and manipulate the numbers to make things work was killing me. I was trying to let him keep enjoying the life he wanted, while I sacrified our savings and my fun-money to make it work. It wasn't fair to me, but I only had myself to blame. When I told him just how out of skew the budget was, I didn't use dramatic adjectives, or try and lay blame... I just used facts. This is what comes in, this is what our monthly spending is, this is how much is left. The fact that there was barely enough to pay for groceries, let alone have any "fun" money, was startling enough. That got his attention.

We sat down as a team and re-evaluated the budget, and came up with a plan we both could agree on. Having him participate allowed him to share responsibility with me, relieving me of the full burden I was trying to carry (which I shouldn't have been doing, by the way!!)

I'll pray for you... pray that you find the strength to do what's best for you and your family!
Shannon