Unbelievable
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Lancaster
Posts: 120
Unbelievable
The exABF called again today - wanted to tell about his job and all the stuff that is going on with his business, etc etc. the he tells me that he talked to his son (who also owes me money) and the son mentioned that I called him to talk about getting paid back for the money he owes me. He told me he told his son not to worry about the money because he (ABF) will pay me back for him. What????? He already owes me thousands of dollars that he is not paying and now he tells the son to not pay me the thousand he owes me. He(ABF) says he (the son) doesn't have the money - he needs the money he makes over the summer for spending money during the school year. Well shouldn't he have thought about that before he asked us to loan him the money over Christmas break 2003??? He was supposed to pay me back last summer - but never did. So I let it go because I figured I'd get the money sooner or later. When he told me he was planning to buy a motorcycle with the money he's been saving I decided that if he could save for that he could pay me back. The son is normally a very responsible kid and I don't mind helping out where I can but this is just ridiculous.
But that's not the best part of the conversation then he starts talking about sex again - which I figured was probably on his mind - he claims he has not had sex since we broke up - not sure I believe him but I don't really care. Then he mentions how he's sure I miss it too. Then he starts hinting around that maybe I'll get lucky this weekend. I say well ya never know. Then he tells me he was thinking me and him. What????? First off I doubt he is physically capable of doing it - he was having a lot of problems when we were together and since the drugs and booze have increased quite a bit I would guess the equipment still isn't working. Second after he was so ugly to me the last time I saw him in person why would I want to have sex with him??? But here is the really awful thing since I've gotten off the phone with him I'm actually thinking why not??? After all it's been just as long for me and the truth is that I miss it. When he was able to do it he was pretty good and I am very attracted to him. Plus it's not like picking up some stranger in a bar. On the other hand he is a jerk. He has no respect for me or anyone else for that matter. And I don't want this to be the opening for him to worm his way back into my life. I know we are done - no going back to having a relationship with him I don't want that and I know he will never change enough for me to want him again. So if we both understand that this is just a physical act is it really wrong??? He knows it does not mean we are getting back together and I know he is still all the things I don't want in a boyfriend. So would it really do that much harm???
But that's not the best part of the conversation then he starts talking about sex again - which I figured was probably on his mind - he claims he has not had sex since we broke up - not sure I believe him but I don't really care. Then he mentions how he's sure I miss it too. Then he starts hinting around that maybe I'll get lucky this weekend. I say well ya never know. Then he tells me he was thinking me and him. What????? First off I doubt he is physically capable of doing it - he was having a lot of problems when we were together and since the drugs and booze have increased quite a bit I would guess the equipment still isn't working. Second after he was so ugly to me the last time I saw him in person why would I want to have sex with him??? But here is the really awful thing since I've gotten off the phone with him I'm actually thinking why not??? After all it's been just as long for me and the truth is that I miss it. When he was able to do it he was pretty good and I am very attracted to him. Plus it's not like picking up some stranger in a bar. On the other hand he is a jerk. He has no respect for me or anyone else for that matter. And I don't want this to be the opening for him to worm his way back into my life. I know we are done - no going back to having a relationship with him I don't want that and I know he will never change enough for me to want him again. So if we both understand that this is just a physical act is it really wrong??? He knows it does not mean we are getting back together and I know he is still all the things I don't want in a boyfriend. So would it really do that much harm???
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Honestly????
I sure could do that much harm. Dont ask me why, I knew my A had not changed much in March when I started seeing him again... I can stay distanced but let that bugger get his hands on me and my sanity is out the window. There is something about our chemistry that just works for me... even the way he smells... and though mentally nothing has changed, emotionally Im doomed.
Now I have to say that I still love him, so there could be a difference... but that is like the A just taking one more drink... maybe he can but if he is really and A... what could happen could be worse, for me Im not ready to go through that "worse" again so I will not even try.
IMHO
I sure could do that much harm. Dont ask me why, I knew my A had not changed much in March when I started seeing him again... I can stay distanced but let that bugger get his hands on me and my sanity is out the window. There is something about our chemistry that just works for me... even the way he smells... and though mentally nothing has changed, emotionally Im doomed.
Now I have to say that I still love him, so there could be a difference... but that is like the A just taking one more drink... maybe he can but if he is really and A... what could happen could be worse, for me Im not ready to go through that "worse" again so I will not even try.
IMHO
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Could you have sex with him and have it not mean anything? Could he?
Can I be honest with you? I really can't believe you're thinking this way. If you want to get back into the mayhem, then go ahead. I'm a bit lost for words, hon. You have been doing so well. And all of this has come from ONE phone call last week.
What are you looking for? Physical release? You could get a "toy" instead. Anything else? You KNOW this is not the guy to give you what you need.
I think you know this is not a good idea, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it.
Do the right thing for you, whatever that might be.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Can I be honest with you? I really can't believe you're thinking this way. If you want to get back into the mayhem, then go ahead. I'm a bit lost for words, hon. You have been doing so well. And all of this has come from ONE phone call last week.
What are you looking for? Physical release? You could get a "toy" instead. Anything else? You KNOW this is not the guy to give you what you need.
I think you know this is not a good idea, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it.
Do the right thing for you, whatever that might be.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Benefits,
OK - usually I wouldn't be this direct but DON'T DO IT!!
One of the many times I got back together with my ex I figured it could be a sex thing..I got sucked back in..the way he feels, the way he smells etc..
you will be right back where you were..
You can go without sex..or find someone new or take care of yourself (refer to the threads on the Codemaster discussion..)
OK - usually I wouldn't be this direct but DON'T DO IT!!
One of the many times I got back together with my ex I figured it could be a sex thing..I got sucked back in..the way he feels, the way he smells etc..
you will be right back where you were..
You can go without sex..or find someone new or take care of yourself (refer to the threads on the Codemaster discussion..)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Plus there is a hormone called oxytocin that is secreted by men and women when you have sex..it is meant to make you "fall in love"
Thought to induce pair bonding in people. Levels of oxytocin are found to be higher amongst people who claim to be falling in love. It is also thought to mediate other forms of pair bonding such as friendship and family relationships as given above. Reduction of sociophobic behavior was shown after treatment with oxytocin.
Oxytocin may play a role in encouraging "tend and befriend", as opposed to "flight or fight", behavior, in response to stress.
Thought to induce pair bonding in people. Levels of oxytocin are found to be higher amongst people who claim to be falling in love. It is also thought to mediate other forms of pair bonding such as friendship and family relationships as given above. Reduction of sociophobic behavior was shown after treatment with oxytocin.
Oxytocin may play a role in encouraging "tend and befriend", as opposed to "flight or fight", behavior, in response to stress.
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
I have to agree with Minnie. I'm just being honest here as well; and after reading some of your older posts and now the last four or five you have posted, you seem to be getting sucked back into the insanity.
Why would you want to have sex with someone that totally doesn't respect you? I think if you did, you will feel very used after its over. He's trying very hard to suck you back into his chaos and drama filled life, and it seems your thinking about going back to that part of your life with him.
Stay strong, this will pass, and then you will probably regret ever thinking this way.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Why would you want to have sex with someone that totally doesn't respect you? I think if you did, you will feel very used after its over. He's trying very hard to suck you back into his chaos and drama filled life, and it seems your thinking about going back to that part of your life with him.
Stay strong, this will pass, and then you will probably regret ever thinking this way.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please say you're not serious. Casual sex with a person who treated you with hate and contempt would be a disaster. It would never work and you'd be back to square one. Reread your post from the other day about the phone call (which I thought to be way out of line and a bit on the sick side on his part) then read your post of today. Substitute your name with my name or someone else's. What would your thoughts be?
In the past I'd thought of suggesting a "toy" but didn't have the nerve to do it. Thanks to Miss Minnie, she said what I couldn't. And you will definitely know it's not slept around.
Please say you're not serious. Casual sex with a person who treated you with hate and contempt would be a disaster. It would never work and you'd be back to square one. Reread your post from the other day about the phone call (which I thought to be way out of line and a bit on the sick side on his part) then read your post of today. Substitute your name with my name or someone else's. What would your thoughts be?
In the past I'd thought of suggesting a "toy" but didn't have the nerve to do it. Thanks to Miss Minnie, she said what I couldn't. And you will definitely know it's not slept around.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Lancaster
Posts: 120
Well exABF called again last night first at 12:30 then at 12:45. I have caller ID so I did not answer because I'm pretty sure he wasn't calling to talk. Now I feel like a coward because I didn't answer - I hate when people avoid the problem rather than dealing with it. And I feel like that is what I did. Well I'm going out of town for the rest of the weekend in a couple of hours so I won't have to deal with him at least for a few days.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Benefits,
This will probably sound harsh:
He doesn't respect you and if you would even consider having sex with him you respect you even less.
You asked about the harm it could do, think of the total disrespect you'll have for yourself after and the probable degradation to yourself.
I think you are playing a game with yourself if you think that there will be no harm in doing something like that.
Ngaire
This will probably sound harsh:
He doesn't respect you and if you would even consider having sex with him you respect you even less.
You asked about the harm it could do, think of the total disrespect you'll have for yourself after and the probable degradation to yourself.
I think you are playing a game with yourself if you think that there will be no harm in doing something like that.
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
You are not a cowrd for not taking his calls that is what caller I.D is for and that is waht you need to do if YOU ARE TRULY DONE WITH HIM.
One last word on celibacy, celibacy is great it gives you a chance to get to know yourself to get strong within yourself and helps you to realize that you don't need to sleep with some one who treats you like crap to get your needs met.
Ngaire
One last word on celibacy, celibacy is great it gives you a chance to get to know yourself to get strong within yourself and helps you to realize that you don't need to sleep with some one who treats you like crap to get your needs met.
Ngaire
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
I thought also, get a toy, it sure helps 
... and by not taking his phone calls (that's called using your better sense), esp at that hour, that isn't respectful ~ unless it is mutual and I don't think it is again for you, yet... Jmho, he is sure teaching his son, to do the Right thing.... naw Don't Pay your debts but get a motorcycle and while you're at it go to the motorcycle get together party with this money... there are plenty of them for him to go to...
... and by not taking his phone calls (that's called using your better sense), esp at that hour, that isn't respectful ~ unless it is mutual and I don't think it is again for you, yet... Jmho, he is sure teaching his son, to do the Right thing.... naw Don't Pay your debts but get a motorcycle and while you're at it go to the motorcycle get together party with this money... there are plenty of them for him to go to...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Lancaster
Posts: 120
Well, I just got back from my weekend away and I am looking at things with much more clarity. I spent the day yesterday with some friends out of town and had a great time and then stayed overnight with a friend who lives out of town and today me and the friend and some of her friends went to a festival. It was great I enjoyed myself so much and a couple of the times the thought occured to me how my exABF would so not enjoy any of this and he would definately not fit in. Then I stop and ask myself why was I even with him, why do I want to fall back into the madness with him again. Truth is I don't!!! It was good to get away - helped me to get my perspective back.
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