HELP......I just don't know what to do!

Old 10-21-2002, 05:43 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Paused
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 3
Unhappy HELP......I just don't know what to do!

I finally, after about 10 years of dealing with my fathers alcoholism, told him today how it was affecting me. I have tried to deal with it myself personally for quite some time because I was afraid I would hurt his feelings or make him mad. I just couldn't live with the fact that I was watching my father kill himself anymore. He told me that he had a problem, that he was addicted and told me to help him. I told him that we would find a detox program and some meetings and go from there. I called a few hours later to check in on him and he was already drunk. Please help. Where can I find a detox program, how can I get him help??? I don't know what to do anymore..........
Daddy'sGrl is offline  
Old 10-21-2002, 06:08 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Nici

You are not alone and there is hope. Welcome to a wonderful site where you are welcome to share and learn a little recovery for yourself.

Normally, I would say there is nothing you can do for your dad unless he want to help himself, but since he has asked for help, I am going to make a few suggestions.

First, frind a good detox for him. They will help him ease his way down. Alcoholics can go into seizures from withdrawl, and detox is best done with proper medical care available.

Then look up Acloholics Anonymous in your phone book and find out where the meetings are. There are several meetings everyday in Detroit, and I am sure there will be some in your area.
Then, when your dad is stabilized, go to a meeting with him. There are "open" meetings where family and friends are welcome.
This is where he should make his own contacts, get some phone numbers and eventually get a sponsor.

Also, while you have the phone book out, look up Al-Anon and find a meeting for yourself. This is a wonderful fellowship of people who have all been where you are and who will welcome you with open arms. The 12-step program can save lives - I know because it saved mine.

If you need help with meetings in Detroit, let me know, and I can get you some. I am quite familiar with Detroit. Some of the most wonderful people I have ever met are in AA and NA in Detroit.

If your dad changes his mind, recognize that you can't do anything for him until he is willing to do something for himself. But still find the meetings for yourself. I promise it will be a gift you give yourself to do this.

Don't lose heart. There is always hope and a brighter tomorrow, and you can find peace by working this program.

My prayers are with you and your father.
Ann is offline  
Old 10-21-2002, 07:53 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Paused
 
dwell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Ontario,Canada
Posts: 7
Nici,
i can tottaly relate to you. although i have lost hope of helping my dad. i live in windsor, ontario,and there is a good mens detox here.i don't know if that would help you any. but it is here if you want more info. what i do suggest is help, this really hurts and its hard to stand back and watch and detatch, but sometimes its almost helpless to assist. my father is a drug addict and my mom is an alcoholic. and this is all new to me in a sense, though i can look back in time and now see that both my parents have been alcoholics, my whole life. the drugs juust came in when the alcohol just wasn't enough. i am behind you 100% if you ever want to talk, you can private message me. though i am not far into my own recovery i have started my road to recovery and feel great about it!
I wish you luck, and i am always here on the boards. just keep in mind when helping becomes overwhelming, don't be scared to back away!

much love to you!
dwell is offline  
Old 10-21-2002, 07:54 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Paused
 
dwell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Ontario,Canada
Posts: 7
p.s anns was realy great help for me, she can definately direct you in services. also welcome, and keep posting everyone here is really great!
dwell is offline  
Old 10-21-2002, 08:01 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
 
osier59's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Nici,
some of the messages you will hear over and over on these boards is that we love the person and hate the disease... and that our recovery can NOT be contingent upon anyone else's recovery. The best way you can help your dad is to support him and love him. Since he's asked for help, you can assist in finding him a program, but after that he has to do it by himself and for himself with the help of other people IN his program.

Try to read all you can read, there are lots of good references with "sticky notes" on them at the top of the forum. Also, there are a lot of really good books that can help you in your recovery. Try to find an al anon group. I can honestly say that going to al anon saved MY life and has given me a more beautiful life than I ever thought possible.

HUGS
Osier59
osier59 is offline  
Old 10-22-2002, 05:16 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Paused
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 3
Smile

Thanks to all of you for your kind words. It's so very hard for me to understand all of this since I have never been addicted to anything in my own life (thank God!!) I never realized how hard it is for people to overcome this horrible disease!! Thanks for your support, I may need you in the future and it's nice to know that there is someone here!! Best Wishes to you all and God Bless
Daddy'sGrl is offline  
Old 10-22-2002, 06:51 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Welcome Daddy'sGrl,

I'm a little late, but wanted to welcome you.

You're not alone.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 10-22-2002, 10:58 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Stephanie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The Basement
Posts: 724
Hi Nici,

I'm glad you found these boards, the people here are very helpful. I have a suggestion and that is to find a detox that is basically a rehab. A detox by itself is just 3 days and as it does help with the withdrawl from alcohol, which can be horrific by the way, but it does not offer much in the way of recovery. It is very hard for an alcoholic to be three days sober and stay sober without a recovery program, as the world can be very overwhelming when you're used to looking at it through an alcohol induced haze.

Also, as you will find out, this will be a pretty intese journey for you as well and after finding the detox and supporting him through it you may need to start detaching and you should not have to be responsible for finding out about meetings and going, etc.

A rehab program which consists of a 3 day detox program and rehab which is about 28 days consists of groups, individual counseling, AA meetings and a lot of interaction with people who are going through the same thing. Usually you are under a doctors care incase medication is in order. Oftentimes drug addicts and alcoholics are self medicating due to another illness like depression, bipolar, or anxiety. This way your father will start to build a support network of his own, learn about meetings and where they are and possible meet people he can start to use for support and freindhip in recovery.

I wish you and your dad tons of luck. He's lucky to have you.

Searching
Stephanie is offline  
Old 10-24-2002, 04:08 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Paused
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 3
You all have been the greatest help. Things aren't going so well. What do I do if my fater refuses help. I can't see myself just giving up on him. Yet, I can't deal with him or being around him if he's been drinking!?
Daddy'sGrl is offline  
Old 10-24-2002, 06:56 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Daddy's Girl

Sadly, there is not much you can do for him if he doesn't want help. Don't feel guilty about staying away from him when he is drunk. On the anon beards we call that detachment - and it is a good thing.

Keep reading the "sticky" posts at the top of this board and the Nar-Anon board, and start working a program of recovery for yourself. You will need all the strength you can get.

As for your father, I would suggest phone conversations if visiting is too hard...at least with the phone you can cut it short if it is uncomfortable. Just let kim know that you love him and encourage him to get help if he appears receptive.

My prayers go out to both of you.
Ann is offline  
Old 10-24-2002, 08:05 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Nici,

This must be so hard for you. Take it one day at a time and don't try to have all the big answers today. Maybe you can set a time of day to visit your father when you know he doesn't drink. Maybe coffee in the morning when he wakes up. It's not giving up on him to realize that you can't help him.

It does leave us feeling sad and helpless though. That's when we need to try and change our focus and get our minds on healthier things.

Make your days the best days you can. You will never be able to get these days back again. Try not to waste them on worry. It takes a lot of effort to pull ourselves out of this despair. The more you do it the easier it becomes.

Try to have some fun.

Hugs,
MG
 

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:06 AM.