So what does recovery look like?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: WA Rainforest
Posts: 209
So what does recovery look like?
I moved out on AH six months ago and thought I'd give him some time to get himself into recovery, although I'm not sure what that's going to look like. But I'm pretty sure that what I'm seeing is NOT it.
He seems to have stopped drinking, but of course I can never ever be sure of that.
He's holding down a full time job and they're giving him more responsibility.
He's keeping the lawn mowed and the animals fed.
He has not yet set fire to the house.
He seems to be going to all his meetings and therapy sessions but again I can never be sure.
On the other hand ...
Mind you this is a man who is capable of being an absolute jewel, fully willing and able to do his share of cleaning and cooking, with no concept whatsoever that those are women's work. But in 6 months, he's vacuumed the house once. The kitchen is infested with ants, the counters covered with crumbs. The fridge stinks from the accumulation of leftovers. The animals sometimes run out of water. The trash and recycle overflow. The mail and newspaper are all piled up on the dining room table. He eats dinner every night with his parents, and they drive him to all his meetings and sessions. He spends most all his spare time with them, doing stuff for them, while our fence is falling down and the dogs left alone all day and evening with only brief appearances from him to feed them. I tell him that such and such needs to be done, and he just stands helplessly and does nothing, insisting that nothing can be done. He is completely enmeshed with his parents and refuses to see that they are enabling him. They own the house and I'm sure they're not collecting rent from him. They gave him their car when he totalled the last one. There is no acknowledgement of how serious his illness is, or that there's any such thing as being a dry drunk. In his mind, he's reached recovery just because he's not drinking and he's attending AA (while his father sits outside and waits for him, making sure he goes in and doesn't leave early) and he's going to work every day.
So what does recovery look like?? I'm just positive this is NOT it.
He seems to have stopped drinking, but of course I can never ever be sure of that.
He's holding down a full time job and they're giving him more responsibility.
He's keeping the lawn mowed and the animals fed.
He has not yet set fire to the house.
He seems to be going to all his meetings and therapy sessions but again I can never be sure.
On the other hand ...
Mind you this is a man who is capable of being an absolute jewel, fully willing and able to do his share of cleaning and cooking, with no concept whatsoever that those are women's work. But in 6 months, he's vacuumed the house once. The kitchen is infested with ants, the counters covered with crumbs. The fridge stinks from the accumulation of leftovers. The animals sometimes run out of water. The trash and recycle overflow. The mail and newspaper are all piled up on the dining room table. He eats dinner every night with his parents, and they drive him to all his meetings and sessions. He spends most all his spare time with them, doing stuff for them, while our fence is falling down and the dogs left alone all day and evening with only brief appearances from him to feed them. I tell him that such and such needs to be done, and he just stands helplessly and does nothing, insisting that nothing can be done. He is completely enmeshed with his parents and refuses to see that they are enabling him. They own the house and I'm sure they're not collecting rent from him. They gave him their car when he totalled the last one. There is no acknowledgement of how serious his illness is, or that there's any such thing as being a dry drunk. In his mind, he's reached recovery just because he's not drinking and he's attending AA (while his father sits outside and waits for him, making sure he goes in and doesn't leave early) and he's going to work every day.
So what does recovery look like?? I'm just positive this is NOT it.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Recovery is extremely slow for some. if he gets to lots of meetings maybe he will in time get a sponser and work the steps. Some of us just can't hear or think when new in recovery, we sometimes sink lower into depression befor we catch on.
Minnie has a good suggestion, find an open AA meeting, but go to one where he isn't.
and keep takeing care of you. clancy46
Minnie has a good suggestion, find an open AA meeting, but go to one where he isn't.
and keep takeing care of you. clancy46
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