meli2005

Oh my AH has really ruined everything. I thought I had a halfway decent life. Anyway, he went to treatement twice in the last month and both times left early against medical advice.

Then he got a DUI in between the two treatment center visits. He wrecked his car hit someone and now they have told the insurance company they have an injury.

AH wanted to live separately from us since the first time he left treatment. THe 2nd time he left treatment I told him he was not welcome to come home and to continue drinking.

Now he is residing in a hotel.

His job really wanted him to complete the 28 day program this time and he didn't. He wanted to leave so he could drink. He said the rehab center was like a jail to him. Oh soon, he will experience jail for real!

I am seriously contemplating divorce. I just do not see a lot of hope and anytime I do get any hope, it only gets broken down. I have a one year old little boy and I want him to have a good life. The DUI sounds like a mess to deal with and $$.

He says he wants to get better, but he has been saying this for a while. Personally I think he just does not want to put in the effort required to get better and to stay better. When it gets tough, he just wants to drink again. It is his coping method.

But then on the other hand, divorce makes me feel really sad, it's like a death is occuring. But then I can't live w/this instabliity for much longer. It is making me sick too.

Anyone who has been thru something like this could you please share. I would really appreciate it!

CarolD

Have you comsidered a legal separation? It depends on your state laws... but when I had one for 5 years..it kept my finances from being ruined.

I do hope you find an answer..Blessings...

Twinkle

I dont want to come off sounding bad, but those things that happened - has happened to him and not you. Just because he has a DUI doesnt mean you have to fork out any money, that is his responsibility... if he loses HIS job, then that too is his responsibility... they must be held accountable for their actions... allow him those consequenses of his actions only in that way will him truely begin to beleive that the problem lies within him. The same for you - get to an alanon meeting and begin your healing process....

queenofthehwy

Yes DUI's are very expensive and I agree with Twinkle it is HIS responsibility to take care of it. However, if you are married and "share" the money, it's hard.

Saying he wants to get better and doing it are 2 different things. If he is like my AH he will actually do it, but only long enough to keep me here(for now). Oh they are such great players.

Twinkle

What I did was open my own account, took my name off of OUR account and divided the bills. The ones that I could not afford to be behind in - I took, such as the mortgage, electric, water bill. He got the phone, cable, my daughters therapist bill, ect. He was responsible for his money, me for mine. If he so chose to drink and drug with his - then he would still be responsible for his bills, if the phone was shut off - it really didnt bother me - I have a cell phone, I can do without cable... ect.. not only did it hold him accountable for his actions, it also allowed him responsibility for things that I was always took responsible for... I have allowed him to grow and at the same time grow myself...

cwohio

meli - yeah feel the way you feel. my story is a bit similar to yours. my ah has started and ended to out patient programs - not sure why (doesn't matter) the first time and the second time - "he didn't like the counselor's style - wasn't getting anything out of it" (hmmmm....wonder why?). he just got a DUI a month ago and had to serve 2 days in jail - wasn't that big a deal to him (at least he didn't seem affected by it too much). he's been going to AA but is still nipping every once in a while so obviously it's not his bottom yet. luckily he only damaged his car - no one else involved (thank God). we have our own accounts and so he is paying for all his stuff and will continue to (not my responsibility). i do know how you feel tho and may end up doing a separation thing if things don't improve. just still not quite there yet.

hugs - chris