Im so ashamed
Im so ashamed
I had another drink last night. Luckily for me and others i didnt have too much but i still feel so ashamed of myself. I mean, ok, people fall of the horse but twice in a week? and i knew exactly what i was doing. Im so ******* fed up with this crap. I have tryed and just cant do it. I want to stop so much but everything just gets to much for me in my head sometimes. I know it needs to be delbt with and i need to see a counciler as well as going to AA. AA, thats another thing. Im to scared to go back. When i went to a meeting after my last relaps i told everyone and they respected me for that, but how am i suppose to tell them i drank again? arrrrrr! i hate myself so much!!!!!!! also, there is this one lady at AA who thinks she knows it all, she made me feel reallly bad the last time, i just dont know if i can face her again. I know i have failed and already feel bad, i dont need anyone rubbing it in! I felt stronger after i had the drink before and i wasnt beating myself up, but this time? i deserve to be beaten up. I should have learned from it. I need to get a sponcer and start working on the steps, i know i do, but how? im to scared and ashamed to go back.
Please help me, my head is pickled. I just want out of this crap and to be normal. No cravings, no shame, no worring, and no hard work. I just wish i never drank in the first place. I wish alchol didnt exist, then i wouldnt be in this state, i HATE it!!!
Please help me, my head is pickled. I just want out of this crap and to be normal. No cravings, no shame, no worring, and no hard work. I just wish i never drank in the first place. I wish alchol didnt exist, then i wouldnt be in this state, i HATE it!!!
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Originally Posted by fishyfishy
I had another drink last night. Luckily for me and others i didnt have too much but i still feel so ashamed of myself. I mean, ok, people fall of the horse but twice in a week? and i knew exactly what i was doing. Im so ******* fed up with this crap. I have tryed and just cant do it. I want to stop so much but everything just gets to much for me in my head sometimes. I know it needs to be delbt with and i need to see a counciler as well as going to AA. AA, thats another thing. Im to scared to go back. When i went to a meeting after my last relaps i told everyone and they respected me for that, but how am i suppose to tell them i drank again? arrrrrr! i hate myself so much!!!!!!! also, there is this one lady at AA who thinks she knows it all, she made me feel reallly bad the last time, i just dont know if i can face her again. I know i have failed and already feel bad, i dont need anyone rubbing it in! I felt stronger after i had the drink before and i wasnt beating myself up, but this time? i deserve to be beaten up. I should have learned from it. I need to get a sponcer and start working on the steps, i know i do, but how? im to scared and ashamed to go back.
Please help me, my head is pickled. I just want out of this crap and to be normal. No cravings, no shame, no worring, and no hard work. I just wish i never drank in the first place. I wish alchol didnt exist, then i wouldnt be in this state, i HATE it!!!
Please help me, my head is pickled. I just want out of this crap and to be normal. No cravings, no shame, no worring, and no hard work. I just wish i never drank in the first place. I wish alchol didnt exist, then i wouldnt be in this state, i HATE it!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
thats ok,.....all you have to do is just NOT sit at that ladies table. Or,..go to a completely different meeting if you feel uncomfortable at first. What matters is that you get the help YOU need. Not if you are PLEASING anyone along the way.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes
it is hard to quit drinking. I was in AA for 5 years before I earned a 1 year medallion. Duh!
Bonnie...just go to a meeting.
Good to see you here again...
Bonnie...just go to a meeting.
Good to see you here again...
Fishy
Walk in that meeting with your head up. This is what alcoholics do...we drink....that is why we are alcoholics...we crave, we have crazy thinking. If anyone in that meeting is judging you for relapsing then maybe they need to reevalute their own program.
If you truly want to stop drinking get a sponsor at your next meeting, tell them what you are telling us, THAT YOU ARE READY TO STOP THE INSANITY. You must get on with the steps. They will free you of the obsession. They will clear out all that fuzzy thinking. You never have to drink again. Take the ACTIONS you know you need to take.
Peace and Love to You
Tanya
Walk in that meeting with your head up. This is what alcoholics do...we drink....that is why we are alcoholics...we crave, we have crazy thinking. If anyone in that meeting is judging you for relapsing then maybe they need to reevalute their own program.
If you truly want to stop drinking get a sponsor at your next meeting, tell them what you are telling us, THAT YOU ARE READY TO STOP THE INSANITY. You must get on with the steps. They will free you of the obsession. They will clear out all that fuzzy thinking. You never have to drink again. Take the ACTIONS you know you need to take.
Peace and Love to You
Tanya
Thank you
Thank you all for your words. I know i cannot go on feeling sorry for myself. To be honest though, im still scared to go back to AA. Reallly scared. I have been to all the meetings so know alot of people there. I dont want them to judge me. But i deserve to be judged i know. I feel i was offered help and i just refused it. I feel so ungratefull.
Don't feel bad girl it's the way with recovery, keep thinking about your sober days and live in the now that last drink might very well be "that last drink" you can do it. Without the shame and guilt stand tall hold your head up and start again.
Hugs indigo
Hugs indigo
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