benefits

I think my HP is definately testing me. Let me first apologize for so many posts in the past few days - I was doing really well for quite some time but the last few days have been rough. Thanks to everyone who has tried to help.
Today my mom called me and told me that my exABF was "laid off" - it is complicated he is a part owner but apparently there was some fall out and he is the odd man out. Whatever. The codie is me is going into overdrive and I'm doing everything I can to do nothing. I want to call him. But I know that's a bad idea. I drove by his house on my way home from T-ball - even though it was slightly out of my way - not sure what I was looking for. Please everybody yell at me, tell me not to call. I need a reminder that detaching is the best thing to do. He treated me like dirt so why should I even want to help him. I know all this and I just need to keep telling myself this.
Why is it that I always want to help everyone. How sick am I???? I may need to call my counselor and move my appointment up. I was doing so well I told him lets go to meeting every three weeks instead of every two and now all of this is happening. I guess I just wasn't as far along as I thought. I need to just sit down and get my bearings straight again.

Thanks for listening!!!

Gabe

Benefits...
Every time you get the urge to help, manage or fix another person's life...
Plunk yourself down and make a list of what needs fixing in your own life.
The trick is to get the focus off of other people and back onto you.
Doesn't have to be big things to fix about yourself.
Start out small.
Change one thing every day.
You will be amazed at the profound changes in attitude this can make.
And I nominate you for Codie Of The Week for saying "Please yell at me".

JT

Benefits,

You are talking to yourself...so listen! Everything you said is right on. Except the sick part...you are very aware of what you want to do and why you should not do it. You haven't done it...have you?

You called him your ex so that kinda leaves you out of the loop, right?

((Hugs))
JT

JessicaNAJ

STOP!!!!! lol

You're fine. I post like crazy when my CoDe tendancies go into overdrive. I remember how hard it was when my AH was laid off this winter and asked me to cosign for him....to help him out. I said no, and it was the greatest feeling in the world.

I use to drive myself nuts driving past the bar....Thought it was because I was mad, but it was my CoDeness. I wanted to see for myself that he was safe and that was the reason he wasn't answering his phone.

You don't want to go back to that "taking care" mode, do you? Keep telling yourself that he's a big boy and will be just fine.

I remember saying the Serenity Prayer a lot then. It really really helped me.

Good luck and vent here ANYTIME!!!

FormerDoormat

I'm YELLING at you. REALLY LOUD. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF WOMAN.

Boy that felt good. I really needed to yell at somebody today. You know, to let go of some of pent up anger, and since you asked for it, I thought why not?

JUST KIDDING.

Post as often as you need, Benefits. That's what we're here for. I think Gabe's idea is fabulous. I plan on trying it the next time I get into Codie overdrive.

Cynay

Heck I need to use Gabe's advise everyday.

Its fine to think what you are .... just dont do anything. Someone told me once, "did he ask for your help?" Nope, I just jump right in...

You dont need to take on his chaos, stick around here and help us with ours if you need to work on someone other then yourself *chuckles*

DONT DO IT ..... take care of you!

minnie

Hon, no yelling here. You know what you have to do and you've already had some great advice.

I guess you got the answer to the question of why he called....