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Day 1. A semi-long story.

Old 06-13-2005, 09:19 AM
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Day 1. A semi-long story.

I tried to put up a message earlier but it doesn't look like it went through. Anyway today is the first day in quite a while that I feel I have it in me to stop this craziness. I have been reading some of your posts for a little while but this is the first time I've spoken up in any arena outside friends.

The first time I ever got drunk I was one. Yes one yrs. old. The story goes that I was nipping at my dads martini without him knowing. Eventually I was stumbling around the room and they figured out what had happened. I don't remember this happening...I must have blacked out. haha. The irony here is that I hate martinis, but even at one I guess I'd go after whatever was out there. (History...three of my four grandparents are alcoholics, so is my dad. My mom and siblings have also had issues.) When I was about 10 I remember smelling some booze that was poured out in the sink and knew right then I was going to be drinker at some time. It was the best smell in the world. My dad actually had to tell me to stay away from the ice. I went to catholic school until college and, even though the saying goes that if you find four catholics you'll find a fifth, I really didn't drink then. My heavy drinking really didn't start until I was about 22...20 years ago. 22 is when I could finally afford it. For the last 20 yrs. I've drank most nights, with the occassional hiatus...and the occassional crazy bender. The craziest being when I worked at a bar in the 90's that not only allowed you to drink for free but encouraged it. Great job for an alci. I don't think I've taken a day off beer since '97. I drink 8-12 coors lights a night (more on the weekends) and have been smoking pot every night for the past couple years. I've also gotten into the habit recently of taking squigs of vodka in the middle of the night to kill headaches and put me back to sleep. I take xanax that has been precribed, but luckily I haven't had problems with that. Only take it once or twice a week max. Sorry for the rant, but reading others stories have helped me, so maybe this will help someone else. Tonight is the first night in years I'm going to attempt to this this thing in the ass. I have a great wife and a a pretty descent life considering what a f... up I've been. I don't want her to be a widow in 10 or 15 yrs. I've never gone to meetings, I'm an atheist so I'm not sure about aa or whatever. But then again I probably need to buy into something. Thanks for your time everyone and any suggestions on how to deal with these first few days would be appreciated. The withdrawals might be kind of nasty. In the past I've tapered for a few days successfully so I may try that. Thanks for listening everyone and have a great day.
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Old 06-13-2005, 12:01 PM
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Hi, Joseph,
You're not a f*** up. You have an unhealthy habit which is a hard one to break. You might want to talk to your doctor about the amount you've been drinking and discuss the withdrawal issues. Meanwhile, here is a link which has some info about the various recovery groups. Some of them are secular. My own preference is SMART Recovery.
http://rrci.net/recovery_spectrum.htm

Talk to you soon, and thanks for posting!
Don S
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Old 06-13-2005, 12:17 PM
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Hi Joseph and welcome! Stick around you'll find something that works for you here! Check out our links and resources forum, in the General Recovery category you'll find a link that compares various programs of recovery.
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Old 06-13-2005, 12:40 PM
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Hello Joseph--Welcome to SR! My name is Laura and I am a recovering alkie/pothead with a precious 15 months clean and sober. I was more of a binge drinker and did not drink everyday, so my physical withdrawals were fairly minimal. Along with Don, I would definitely suggest speaking with your doctor about managing your withdrawal. Alcohol detox can be very dangerous.

As far as finding a recovery program that works for you, if you really want to get sober, you will find one that will work. Some folks use the tools of many different programs. I personally go to AA and have found it to be an absolute lifesaver. If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me or post them here. We will answer them to the best of our ability.

Others will be along soon to welcome you as well. Hope you are hanging in there for now. Glad you found us.

Hugs--
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Old 06-13-2005, 12:57 PM
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Thanks for the responses you guys. It really helps to hear from others that have dealt with the same situation. I'm actually feeling pretty good so far today which is uncommon for a Monday. Usually I have stomach problems in the morning and the good old wim wams/sweats in the afternoon. Wait and see...maybe I'll catch a break and it will be an OK day. I should be ok with the withdrawals (I hope). I've been on worse benders and come out of it alive and not hospitalized. Granted I was younger and it was horrible. Probably just have the usual insomnia, nightmares when sleeping, anxiety etc.. for a few days. Anyone get the...I don't know how to describe it, almost an electrical shock in the brain just before falling asleep? It jolts you right back out of your slumber. Pretty scary actually. Jezz, I've had to deal with this for so long it's going to be strange not feeling like crap all day. When I've been sober in the past (granted its been a very long time) I kind of missed the pain at first. It's all very strange. Anyway, I've never been to any meetings. Always just dealt with it by myself until a couple hours ago. I think there is a place on my street the has AA meetings occassionally. I don't mind people that believe in a higher power and I don't think they would try to shove it down my throat (or do they??). I went to catholic school for 13 yrs. and I'm still non-believer so...I guess nature could be my higher power?? Maybe I'll wonder in this week. Thanks again and if anyone wants to send me a message I'll be glad to respond. I'm sure someone out there is going through day 1 just like me. Maybe we could help each other through it..
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Old 06-13-2005, 01:04 PM
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Welcome Joesph and congradulations on Day one! To answer your question AA does not require you to believe in anything. Glad your here.
Bless, Trish
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Old 06-13-2005, 02:47 PM
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Lightbulb Welcome and Hello!

We have a Forum...Alcoholism. Please check out the top sticky post.

As you are now older.. detoxing night be harder.

Good to see you here..
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Old 06-13-2005, 04:29 PM
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Welcome
The only requirement for AA is the desire to stop drinking - people have all sorts of higher powers. AA may not be for everyone, but it has helped me. I was an every day drinker for the last 10 years or so - about 8-12 drinks per night. I hope you stick around. Good luck!
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Old 06-14-2005, 05:54 AM
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Hi Joseph

and welcome to SR. I too have a large family history of alcoholism. Grandparents on both sides, mom, dad, brother...the list goes on and on. My mom, dad and brother still drink, too. I have been grabbing beers out of the fridge for my parents/grandparents for as far back as I can remember, it was only natural that eventually I would be grabbing the beers for myself. Did we even have a choice? Maybe we did, maybe we didn't but we do have a choice to be sober! It is so liberating once you realize it. Good luck and congratualtions on day one.

livlaphluv
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Old 06-14-2005, 08:00 AM
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Hi Joseph and welcome. Whether you know it or not you are on the road to recovery.
Recognizing the problem is a big part of the solution. Atheists are welcome in AA. No one will try to convert you, in fact just the opposite. You'll be accepted and not judged or questioned about your beliefs. I was an agnostic when I came into the rooms of AA and it wasen't till I realized that my probation officer was a higher power,
the judge was a higher power etc. A counselor I had in rehab was a recovering heroin and alcohol addict. When she left her rehab her higher power was the clock on the wall. She's say to herself it's 10:45am...."if I can just make it to 11am w/out going to a bar". At 11am she'd say "if I can just make it to 11:30 w/out calling for drugs".
Her clock was her HP. Having the 'wim-wams and sweats are signs you're headed for real trouble. Get help before you start getting involved in the court system or family court. Good luck and God bless.
Jack
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Old 06-15-2005, 08:28 AM
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Joe, ya, it is rough, 20 beers a night minimum probably 4-6 nights a week for the past couple years for me, and it is really, really bad when I stop drinking for a day or two. Think my liver might be hurting so pretty scared. I guess all we can do is try, eh?

My therapist keeps trying to push me into AA but I also don't believe in anything, and get weirded out when around those that do so skeptical. Gotta wonder though. But heh she wanted me to check into an in-patient drunk center, I wonder if we realize sometimes just how out of whack we have become? I cannot imagine being sober for more than a day.

Dan
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