FriendofBill

The person who is trapped inside addiction.

Tonight, as my former husband, former friend, threatened me that our upcoming court date was going to get "very, very ugly", my heart broke yet again.

Here was a man who I met at age 17, who I loved for 20 years, who I share a child with, who, when he was sober, loved God, worshiped his sobriety and friends, and is not filled with venom, hate, anger and a desire to strip away my soul in a court room.

I am asking for an increase in child support as he makes more money than when we divorced 5 years ago. I am prepared to go to court and lose. Its a decision that I am powerless over. I had no intention of a bitter fight. Just standing up for what I think is right. I guess I didnt know what his thought process was.

This man, when sober, was a generous, loving, thoughtful ex-husband. He and I were close friends and worked together in parenting our son.

Now, for the last almost 2 years, his disease has taken over and has stolen that man from us. When I think of all that my son is losing in these precious days of his youth from his father, I cant stand it. Im accepting things better and better that he has turned his back on me, but to see him detach emotionally, physically from his son is torture.

So, tonight, as I am trying to get myself together after having spoken to him for a mere 2 minutes, after a 12 day reprieve of no contact, I am thinking of just how tortuous Alcoholism is to our families. It steals our love for each other, it steals the quiet trust we need for each other, and it just rips away our freedom.

I remember this man tonight as I hear the vicious words in my head and I think how this horrible disease has him with its grip so tight. I prayed for myself, I prayed for him and I prayed for our son.

Alcoholism is a family disease and I hate it. Please, to those of you who read this post, say a quick prayer for the person you love who is sick and suffering. Even if you dont feel like it, do it anyhow, through gritted teeth if you have too.

You never know, maybe soon, one of our loved ones will find recovery.

Thanks for being here for me

FormerDoormat

Already did that for my exAB of 23 years this evening, as I have done each day for the last six months, and as I have done each day for all my friends at SR.

(((((FOB)))))

Savana 54

Wow, FOB, your post caught me off guard; I have tears streaming down my face.

I'm sorry for what you are going through, and you are so very right about this nasty disease taking away the ones we love.

So tonight, through gritted teeth, I will say a prayer and light a candle for "C." He is very lost somewhere out there tonight.

(((((((((((FOB)))))))))))

cloudy

I hear that, and Amen.

Amen again.

splendra

yea the disease of addiction takes the beautiful with a vengence it is enough to make the devil look real for sure....

Prayers going out for my loved ones and yours...

FriendofBill

Thanks, Friends.

Savana..I had tears streaming down my face when I wrote it too. Im glad you guys said a prayer for your loved one. Thats the beginning of our changing, when we can do something positive for someone who has hurts us.

Let's keep on keepin' on.