What in the heck was I thinking?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
What in the heck was I thinking?
My AB would be as sweet and loving as could be......sober and around me when I'd come over or we'd go out.
But, then, after a few days of us doing well together,......he'd drink for whatever reason. Sometimes, he'd do it while he was on the PHONE with me knowing that I refused to have a future life with him if he kept drinking.
And, then lie about it, to boot! I'd say (to him over the phone) "You're drinking, aren't you?"
"No....I'm just tired"
I can always tell when he's been drinking. His voice changes, he slurs his words and he always says "no....I'm just tired".
So, then we'd "breakup" and I'd tell him that he lied again and drank and that I'm sick of the crap. That cycle went on every week for 10 months!
Finally, within the last two months,....I've lost that "loving feeling" towards him. His nasty words to me in anger had started taking it's toll on me and he wasn't that great of a person to me anymore (even though I've known him for 30 years since we were kids. He's been an A for 10 years and I just re-met him 10 months ago). I noticed that I was distancing myself from him more and more and really didn't hurt so much anymore when we'd fight and not talk for a couple of days. It was getting pretty routine.
I'm single, so lately, I've been talking to other NON-DRINKING men as friends and was even starting to wonder about one of them. How it would be nice just to go out to lunch with him sometime and not have to worry about him being drunk.
My AB found out about that and had a FIT! Called me names, told me that I was gonna go and (sleep) with this guy and that this guy has "already replaced" him .......blah, blah, blah. He got all the things I ever gave him and put them in a bag and brought them over to my house and put them in the back of my truck in the middle of the night. Then, called my cell phone and texted it about 13 times in a 12 hour period.
He can be really mean with his tongue when he's drunk and especially if he thinks that I've left him for good. Then, he'll usually cry and beg for me to give him "one more chance....I promise!" (I dunno how many times I've heard that from him). I'd give in in the past, but within the last two months,........I'd give in, but really hesitantly and really didn't feel the love for him that I once had.
So, now that he's thrown his latest temper tantrum and has gotten drunk all day and has been calling....at first being mean changing to being semi-nice, to "if you have "stones", you'll call me back and talk to me"....I've told him that it is finally "done" and I'm through with this insanity of ups and downs and that I'm a single woman with a mind of my own. I don't want him back at all this time. I truly don't.
I'll miss the good times we had, but I won't miss how he treated me......how sick he is and that there is nothing I can do about that. HE has to want to get sober badly enough to do it and not just talk about it.
And, I'm sad that 30 yrs of a friendship has gone away. Facing the fact that we aren't who we used to be and that time has changed us. Sometimes, not for the good.
I'm gonna always pray for him and hope that he will someday hit rock bottom and come back up, but from a distance. I'm gonna start putting me and my needs first now. It's about time and I'm looking forward to it.
Thanks for "listening".
But, then, after a few days of us doing well together,......he'd drink for whatever reason. Sometimes, he'd do it while he was on the PHONE with me knowing that I refused to have a future life with him if he kept drinking.
And, then lie about it, to boot! I'd say (to him over the phone) "You're drinking, aren't you?"
"No....I'm just tired"
I can always tell when he's been drinking. His voice changes, he slurs his words and he always says "no....I'm just tired".
So, then we'd "breakup" and I'd tell him that he lied again and drank and that I'm sick of the crap. That cycle went on every week for 10 months!
Finally, within the last two months,....I've lost that "loving feeling" towards him. His nasty words to me in anger had started taking it's toll on me and he wasn't that great of a person to me anymore (even though I've known him for 30 years since we were kids. He's been an A for 10 years and I just re-met him 10 months ago). I noticed that I was distancing myself from him more and more and really didn't hurt so much anymore when we'd fight and not talk for a couple of days. It was getting pretty routine.
I'm single, so lately, I've been talking to other NON-DRINKING men as friends and was even starting to wonder about one of them. How it would be nice just to go out to lunch with him sometime and not have to worry about him being drunk.
My AB found out about that and had a FIT! Called me names, told me that I was gonna go and (sleep) with this guy and that this guy has "already replaced" him .......blah, blah, blah. He got all the things I ever gave him and put them in a bag and brought them over to my house and put them in the back of my truck in the middle of the night. Then, called my cell phone and texted it about 13 times in a 12 hour period.
He can be really mean with his tongue when he's drunk and especially if he thinks that I've left him for good. Then, he'll usually cry and beg for me to give him "one more chance....I promise!" (I dunno how many times I've heard that from him). I'd give in in the past, but within the last two months,........I'd give in, but really hesitantly and really didn't feel the love for him that I once had.
So, now that he's thrown his latest temper tantrum and has gotten drunk all day and has been calling....at first being mean changing to being semi-nice, to "if you have "stones", you'll call me back and talk to me"....I've told him that it is finally "done" and I'm through with this insanity of ups and downs and that I'm a single woman with a mind of my own. I don't want him back at all this time. I truly don't.
I'll miss the good times we had, but I won't miss how he treated me......how sick he is and that there is nothing I can do about that. HE has to want to get sober badly enough to do it and not just talk about it.
And, I'm sad that 30 yrs of a friendship has gone away. Facing the fact that we aren't who we used to be and that time has changed us. Sometimes, not for the good.
I'm gonna always pray for him and hope that he will someday hit rock bottom and come back up, but from a distance. I'm gonna start putting me and my needs first now. It's about time and I'm looking forward to it.
Thanks for "listening".
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Virginia
Posts: 21
Good for you for standing your ground this time. I put up with 15 years of lies from my brother. In my opinion, it takes more than an "I'm sorry" to show that he's willing to change.
Yes, it's sad that he's changed for the worse and "30 years of friendship is down the drain". But you know what??? You just showed what a great friend you are by walking away from him. He's slowly killing himself with alcohol and you aren't enabling him. Good for you.
You deserve better, and maybe someday he'll sober up and be that something better. But for now, you do what you have to do to stay healthy, and it doesn't sound like he's the person that will allow you to do that.
((((HUGS))))
Yes, it's sad that he's changed for the worse and "30 years of friendship is down the drain". But you know what??? You just showed what a great friend you are by walking away from him. He's slowly killing himself with alcohol and you aren't enabling him. Good for you.
You deserve better, and maybe someday he'll sober up and be that something better. But for now, you do what you have to do to stay healthy, and it doesn't sound like he's the person that will allow you to do that.
((((HUGS))))
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Hi GF!
I went through a lot of what you have described--the mean names they call you when they "think" in their deranged A mind that you are seeing someone else, the constant and obsessive phone calls. I sure don't miss those things about my xabf. It's been almost three weeks since he has left for good this time.
I do miss him, but know in my heart and head that I did the right thing. What scares me the most is the progression of this nasty disease. I can only imagine what he would have been like in 5 more years. Glad it won't be me that is there to put up with his chit.
I deserve better, and in time I will find another guy that this time is worthy of my love; in the meantime I guess all that I can do is focus on my recovery. After that I will be able to avoid men like my X. I at least hope...
Take care of you! Sounds like your on the right track!!!
(((((((((((((((((((((GF))))))))))))))))))))))
I went through a lot of what you have described--the mean names they call you when they "think" in their deranged A mind that you are seeing someone else, the constant and obsessive phone calls. I sure don't miss those things about my xabf. It's been almost three weeks since he has left for good this time.
I do miss him, but know in my heart and head that I did the right thing. What scares me the most is the progression of this nasty disease. I can only imagine what he would have been like in 5 more years. Glad it won't be me that is there to put up with his chit.
I deserve better, and in time I will find another guy that this time is worthy of my love; in the meantime I guess all that I can do is focus on my recovery. After that I will be able to avoid men like my X. I at least hope...
Take care of you! Sounds like your on the right track!!!
(((((((((((((((((((((GF))))))))))))))))))))))
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hi Girlfriend,
You are truly a woman who knows her mind. Stand strong in your committment and promises you make to yourself. Live this life to the fullest and know that you can do that with him.
Blessings
You are truly a woman who knows her mind. Stand strong in your committment and promises you make to yourself. Live this life to the fullest and know that you can do that with him.
Blessings
JstBcuz
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 82
HUGS TO U! I wish I had your strangth! God do I wish I had it. I keep telling myslef to divorce my Husband becuase he relapsed agin and the crack and beer are MORE important to him then me and his son!
God bless you for your courage and strength!
I wish I had your strangth! God do I wish I had it. I keep telling myslef to divorce my Husband becuase he relapsed agin and the crack and beer are MORE important to him then me and his son!God bless you for your courage and strength!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
(((Girlfriend)))
Such hard lessons we have to learn. But once learnt, never forgotten. I believe that people come into our lives for a reason - to teach us. And if we don't learn the lesson from them, then another situation comes along to beat us over the head until we do learn!
Sounds like you've got the message now. Hope your future is as bright as it deserves to be.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Such hard lessons we have to learn. But once learnt, never forgotten. I believe that people come into our lives for a reason - to teach us. And if we don't learn the lesson from them, then another situation comes along to beat us over the head until we do learn!
Sounds like you've got the message now. Hope your future is as bright as it deserves to be.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The burbs, Maryland
Posts: 130
Been there done that. My exABF has made so many broken promises the 3 years I've dated him ( on and off of course!). And yes, the lies - same ones - I'm just so tired, Nobody understands, it's everybodies fault (why he drank) etc. I too am trying to move on and yes, have been accused of running around (and not in those nice words) too. Let's hope we both have the strenghth to move on and not be sucked back in by these smooth talking men. It's hard as my exABF is the greatest man when not drinking, but I've seen the progression and it's not good. I want to break this cycle as well.
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