CodeMaster

I am sure I have codependancy issues, I'm sure I have tons of other issues, I dont want to date just to jump to the next girl that likes me and its been interesting control to tell girls I've been hanging out with that I'm just not ready but it feels great because I feel like I get to meet a lot of girls this way and know them slowly instead of just jump in bed and move in together as it has been in the past over and over. I also feel like I can really find someone I want to date instead of "settle" for the first one type of feeling. Its been great....

Now I could easily say I am healed but I know that'd just be the typical over confident thing to do post early recovery and so I was wondering if anyone knew of a good book for me to read to both,

1. Improve quality of self (killing my codependancy issue and anything else!!)
2. Improving quality of relationships

I'm learning so much by just pausing in life and analyzing myself and everything around and everything I learn from healthy families the tips adn advice they have is amazing , including my own parents who've been together since 25. My father has a few tips on how to find good loving healthy love, its been great!

best

Best thing I did for my marriage relationship...
Started reading the bible.

The past 5 years have been the best 5 years as I have found the answers you are asking about in the words within the bible.

Believe in God or not... the bible is filled with info on how to live life.
The book of proverbs alone, is filled with so much wisdom for all parts of life.

ggnewme

The Road Less Traveled, and Further Along the Road less Traveled. Both by M. Scott Peck. They are in the context of Spirituality and Psychotherapy. I cannot say enough about these books - they have gotten me through this experience with ex-ABF.

Read nothing else until you read those. I'm serious. You will be a better human being when you are done with them. All due respect to anyone who offers up any other suggestions, for real - start with those. That goes for anyone here.

Minx1969

Code -

I have a whole library of self help/therapy books (even text books on therapy..) Some of the best I've encountered are:

Codependent No More By Melody Beattie
Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie
The 12 Steps for Codependents by Melody Beattie

Breaking Free, A Recovery Handbook for Facing Codependency by Pia Melody
Anything by Pia Melody

I also like John Bradshaw. Healing the shame that binds you

Healing the Child Within by John Whitfield

Harville Hendrix - Keeping the Love you find

Best does have a point about having spirituality in your life.

I had lots of therapy, life coaching, reading self help books (even was a psych major for 1/2 my college career..) but Alanon has really given me the tools to heal myself..Having a sponsor who is the first person I turn to..

walkingtheline

Here's my list:

You hear it here all the time, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself By Melody Beattie. Her other books are great as well.

Osier59 recommended a book to me, The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner. It has proved very helpful to me, I always have a hard time dealing with anger.

I learned a great deal from The 7 Best Things Happy Couples Do...plus one by John and Linda Friel

I admit I am a Dr. Phil fan and I have these on CD and listen regularly.

Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out

Relationship Rescue: A 7 Step Strategy for Reconnecting With Your Partner

Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters

All of these books can be found easily, in book stores, online at places like Amazon or used and cheap from half.com or ebay.

I have also learned that I learn by reading about and watching othes. Often times you can real a novel and I find myself thinking...I LIKE how this couple relate to one another and how they resolve issues. The Spencer novels by Robert Parker come to mind, the relationship between Spencer, his girl friend his friend Hawk and his adopted "son" Paul are an interesting study. It happens with movies as well. How could you not want to be more like or married to someone like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride, Gregory Peck in To Kill a Mockingbird or Russell Crowe in Cinderella Man? Fiction? yes. Not real? Yes, but lessons to be learned nevertheless.

And speaking with your Dad is downright SMART!

Good luck on your knowlege quest!

Minx1969

Code,

Maybe you can share some of those tips your dad gave you?

CodeMaster

Thanks for all the recommendations, they are very meaningful and helpful to me. I will check them out, all of them sound really like it was very useful to your lives so...

I dont think I should share what they tell me, its kind of "hardcore" advice and think it may offend... though I can say they understand issues of codependancy and say its very serious problem and they said that its true, they choose who they hang out with carefully and how you have to have this kind of mentality.

minnie

Agree with ggnewme - Road Less Travelled is brilliant.

I would also highly recommend a book on boundaries - I have one by Anne Katherine called "Boundaries - where you end and I begin". If you have your boundaries sorted, then relationships of all kinds are so much easier.

robina

"He's Just not that into You" by Greg Behrendt

This relationship book should be required reading for all females from the ages of 14 - 84. I would also suggest that males could learn something from it too.

Much recommended!

Robin

PS - you can read a free excerpt here

http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/e...hes-just_x.htm