noblenellie

I haven't posted here in quiet some time, and wish that I had taken the advice that I was given then. I knew deep in my heart that breaking up with my ABF was the right thing for me to do, but being the way I am, I just have to learn the hard way...This past weekend helped me to make the final decision to break up with him. We attended a motorcyle rally in Austin, TX and I knew he'd be drinking, but not to the extent that he did. Thursday he started drinking at about 11 am and went through almost a full case of beer that night. Friday was no different..He promised that "he'd do better" on Friday and not drink so much, which he drank 2 beers during the day, but boy did he make up for it later that night..almost another case gone....he was so drunk our camping neighbors asked me if i needed help getting him in bed..I took all of his cigarette lighters from him, afraid that he'd try to smoke in the tent and burn himself or both of us up and I also took all of his keys away from him...a little later that night I found him passed out, half in the tent half outside the tent without a stitch of clothing on...Boy was I upset!!!!!! Luckily my camping neighbors were both recovering alcoholics and were very sympathetic to my situation....Then comes Saturday...same thing again...another case of beer drank and he's shi* faced drunk again...by this time I am more than ready to get out of Dodge and go home..but here I am stuck 250 miles from home with no car..Finally Sunday morning rolls around and its time to leave thank God....All is going well, I've got my attitude undercontrol then he pops open a beer at 930 in the morning saying at the same time "ahhh, breakfast of champions"...it was almost more than I could do to control myself and not make some smart remark...Thankfully we made it home in one piece...So now here comes the hard part...breaking up with him and trying to figure out how to do it...My head tells me to just do it via email so that I can explain to him exact how I feel and my opinion on why he has never been married and has had numerous failed relationships, one of which I know his drinking caused the break-up.....Thank you everyone who takes the time to read all of my rambling...I feel much better getting this off my chest...

harleygirl92156

Do you really feel you need to explain this to him. He obviously drove with you in the vehicle while he was drinking and impared. That in itself is reason enough, not to mention selfish and uncaring.

Just break up with him, he will know in his heart why, you don't owe him anything let alone to explain yourself to him.

End it, just tell him you don't want to see him anymore and then don't take his calls or emails or visits. Break it off clean and give him no chance to work his way back in to your good graces. They are good at doing that!!

Good luck and God Bless.
I wish you a happy future

cloudy

Well I know all about learning the hard way so you're not alone! Only comment I have on the break up is I wouldn't add in about why past relationships didn't work etc. just keep it to your relationship. Best wishes for you,
Cloudy

walkingtheline

My suggestion would be to not mention his past, his other relationships...none of that. I would leave it very simple, just tell him in your own words you have decided to no longer see him and you wish him well.
Close the door tightly and move on.

If you have not attended al-anon or done a great deal of reading, you may want to consider doing that before you find yourself in another relationship. You certainly don't want a "rerun" of this one.

Good luck!

noblenellie

Thank you all for your input...I guess i just feel the need to explain to him why I am calling it quites..just like all alcoholics, he doesnt feel as though he has a problem...the hard part for me in doing this is that he's a very sweet guy even when drinking, never abusive..one of those "happy" drunks...but the more I think about it the more I dont want to have to "babysit" him for the rest of his life..a good friend of mine gave me this anology to really think about and boy did it....He said "picture a nursing home..there is always a resident there who is wheel-chair bound, drooling, cannot control themselves and trying to get out of the facility...needs constant 24/7 care..Now just picture this and ask yourself, Is this the type of person that you want to be with? Because this, in most probabilty, he will end up being that way. . ..maybe 30 years from now, maybe 10 years from now depending on how quickly the alcoholism progresses".....Boy, that really made me stop and think and I cant get that vision out of my head...

Like I said, I just feel that I owe him the courtesy of explaining my feelings and the reason why I am calling it quites...just my personality...I hate hurting anyones feelings, but I feel like I should tell him the truth...

FriendofBill

explaining your feeling is perfectly acceptable.
However, you are not God, so you dont have the right to take his inventory, especially as it pertains to his past, which you were not a part of.

chrisea

sounds like a relative to my xabf...

the morning I saw xabf getting a rum and coke, I wish I would have made that short explaination and then went on to change my after work routine. I stayed with this relationship for over 2 yrs, hoping it would get better... Well, now my after work routine is Changed, if that was to be a lesson, Lesson Learned... hope you have a great summer and take care of yourself...

noblenellie

I just sent off an email to the ABF...I heeded everyone's advice about not bringing up his past relationship failures due to his drinking...his past is really none of my business as someone here has suggested...as I am sitting here posting, I am getting the constant phone calls and messages from him wanting to talk about all this..yeah, breaking up through email is the chicken way out, but I just do not have it in me to have to deal with it in person or face to face..i've been there and done that with my ex-husband who was an alcoholic and know that it will not do any good...i can remember very vividly being out right lied to straight to my face...yes, they do have good intentions sometimes, but intentions are not going to do it if they dont follow through.

JT

I suspect until you speak to him he is not going to let up...and then even after that. You were married to an alcoholic?? Just tell him that you aren't going there again...been there done that...and the t-shirt wasn't worth it!

Then...I would get thee to a meeting or councelling. Where ever you go, there you are....

Hugs,
JT

noblenellie

As I am posting, he and I are also emailing back and forth....same pattern...not willing to admit that he has a problem...geeze why do I get myself in these messes!!?? I think I need to read CoDependant No More again...Fortunately I do have enough sense to get out of this relationship early on rather than dragging it out, but believe me it is not easy.

CarolD

If you are sincerely wanting to dump the drunk...block his e mails.
Check your phome before you pick up.

You could easily haved died riding home with him as he was not sober. This is a toxic man.