dlesjak

My teenage daughter seems to take the brunt of the abuse from her alcoholic father. He has the mood swings that move from sickening sweet to cruel. I am still married and living in the same house. Should I get her counseling? Help...what should I do?

Savana 54

Have you thought about a restraining order on him? Is there a safe place you and your daughter can stay at? Women's shelter? A friend or family member's house?

I would suggest Alateen for your daughter and Al-Anon for youself.

Here is the link http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

((((((hugs)))))) and please keep yourself and your daughter safe...

dlesjak

thanks. The abuse is not so serious to get a restraining order. Will check into al-anon for me and her.

Chy

Alateen is a very good program for teens. Additionally I just started a websit for teens and there is an alateen forum if she'd like to visit us. It's slow going right now, but she'll get some support from a few teens already there. Prayers for you guy's going up.
www.sober-teens.com/forums.

quietsins

there were two things my teenage daughter said to me that really really rang with truth.

the first was.. why do you let him treat you the way you said to never let a man treat me.


and the second... if he can be cruel to children... how can you say you love him?


just my two cents worth. alateen and alanon help. so do therapists.
quietsins

Savana 54

I agree with qs. Although you say the abuse isn't bad enough for a restraining order, verbal abuse is just as bad if not worse. The damage he is doing to her now could last her a lifetime.

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but how can you justify the abuse as not being "bad enough" when it comes to your own child?

dlesjak

Quietsins...are you still with him?

I have been married 22 years and have watched a great guy become an alcoholic who thinks that no one except his immediate family knows.

quietsins

my daughters father i divorced 12 yrs ago. she has no relationship with him now because he was so abusive to her. he still blames her for everything. and all she did was be a kid.

i had been in another alcoholic relationship for the last three years.. and dumped him when it was clear that my daughter and his son saw how abusive it was. he refuses to get help. and thats not my problem.

so i guess you could say i went down this road twice. and i'll be damned if i will do it again. i found my life... MY LIFE.... has importance. and i am not going to waste it waiting for someone to do the right thing. God wants me to do what is right for me, and my daughter. some drunken ******* who wants to wallow in self pity and booze is on his own. may sound cruel.. but hell.. most of the time they are in a blackout when it comes to the really mean stuff. and we sober ones are the ones who remember how bad it really is.

final straw for my daughter was a rant on her 16th bday because she didnt "thank him" enough for the lousy sweat shirt he bought her. ruined her whole birthday over 50 bucks. hell i had seen him drop ten times that much at a casino and not flinch. some people are all twisted inside from this disease.

quietsins

FormerDoormat

I don't know what kind of abuse your daughter is suffering--physical, emotional or verbal--it really doesn't matter, no child should be abused by anyone, especially their parent. If this were my daughter, I would:

(1) NOT allow this happen
(2) Ask the abuser to leave immediately
(3) Get counseling for your daughter
(4) Get counseling for yourself

Any amount/type of abuse is too much. No child should have to accept this. You may not be able to do anything about your husband's drinking problem, but you can protect your daughter from abuse and ensure that it will never happen again.

Your teenaged daughter is not able to protect herself or remove herself from the situation. She depends on you to keep her safe. If that means removing your husband from your home, so be it.

gelfling

There are no levels of abuse. Abuse is abuse. In any form. Please get help for yourself and your daughter. Alanon and alateen.

Blessings

anangel2long

Thank you all for keeping my eye on the truth. I have a 16 year old son & he is of the age now where he can get into my AH's face & try to give back the hurt he is feeling.
I have been trying to get him to alateen and after talking to our pastor today, i think he is was motivated enough to now consider going to a meeting. God has been guiding me in the last week and I keep praying all will come out for the best soon.
I need the serenity...

FormerDoormat

Hi Anangel:

I will pray for your son and I will pray that you find serenity. There is an alateen forum on this board. That might be a good place to start. My daughter visits the alateen forum and she's found it helpful.