CBB126

and take care of yourself?? I am trying to move forward in my life and it is so hard. Those old habits just bite you in the behind, the need to take care of everyone and feeling sorry and compelled to take care of everyone. Then on the opposite side of the spectrum, I feel if I only take care of myself, then I am being selfish, I have no right to think about myself and get this – a physical reaction – (headache, stomach churning) when I don’t act like everyone expects me too. (I need a meeting). I feel so drained, I started thinking about what I need to do for myself, and how I want to change things. It started when I felt sorry for my husband. I feel sorry for him for all he had to deal with, with his alcoholic mother and being an only child he has to take care of her himself. (He has no other family but me and the kids). But what about me? I felt sorry for my friend, who is moving with little money – she wants me to help her financially and physically, but she didn’t help me with anything when I moved and she is moving 5 hours away. (I want to say no, but I feel sorry for her.). Then I’m really unhappy at my job, but it is comfortable and it pays the bills – but I still dislike it. No growth, no opportunites, just boredom from 9 – 5. But I won’t find a job paying nearly as much as this one and I need every penny. Then I think, I know a lot of people that are struggling financially, working at jobs that don’t pay as much. So stop complaining!! And I should be able to be happier since I made a decision. But I’m not. Extracting myself from my husband is proving to be more difficult as I took everyone’s advice and consulted an attorney. We are so tied financially that I need a better plan or everything I have worked for will be gone. So, I am trying to keep the peace and it is hard because I really do not like him. And any opening I give him, he thinks it’s a reconciliation and I don’t want to fight, I just want to be left alone. I just want start again

escape artist

have you tried al-anon meetings? the people in those meetings know exactly what you are going through. have you read the stickies on this forum? there are other books available which would help you greatly as well- melody beattie- Codependent No More is a very good one which helps me with dealing with the lies we believed were true- like- everybody else comes first; my feelings don't count; how could i think about my needs and wants first?; great book. you'll be ok, you just need to give yourself some time to work through all this. Keep posting! and Hang In There!

quietsins

CBB,

one step at a time... one step at a time.... one step at a time. slow down.. breathe... and one step at a time.

boy can i relate to what you wrote. i get myself all fumbled up inside because i confuse what is my business and what isnt.. and what i want to do with what i feel i have to do.

what i do to help is... i forget feeling sorry for anyone. My exA has run off most of his family because of how he act... is that my fault? no. ok... get off the pity pot of trying to save him.. and then i got more time for the things i can control.

your friend was not very friendly to you and you feel overwhelmed... do you have to help? no. and you can politely decline. you have a responsibility to yourself to be healthy.

you dislike your job... let that one sit if it doesnt come to the top of the priority list. yeah you might slug thru... but... you got all the rest of your life to figure out what you want to do. once you figure out what will truly make you happy... work towards getting that job. and you not only kept all the bills paid, you moved towards something for you.

do something that makes you happy. hell for years now i didnt know what made me happy except going to college hockey games. now... i have let my exA handle or not handle (his choice) his problems. and i have season tickets to the next college hockey year... my choice.. for me.

my exA is an adult.. and he has the same right, and wrongs to make of his life. it is his choice. i choose my actions. i am responsible for my actions. i am not responsible for his actions. and i was burdened because i made his problems mine. burdens that should be on his shoulders squarely. not mine. and lets face it... we didnt cause it, we cant control it, and we cannot cure it. so refocus the energy on you.

good luck and keep the faith
quietsins