brdlvr2

Hi all:

I'm new to this site as of Friday. I first posted on the friends and family as I am in a relationship with another alcoholic. I am a weekend warrier as they say. Don't drink all week, but come Friday it's on. We both have tried to quit together before. And we both have failed. I just turned 38 on Sunday. I was sooo hungover. I'm disgusted by my drinking, the blackouts and my behavior when drunk. I want to make a fresh start on this new birthday year of mine. I've been drinking since I was 15. Does anybody here go to AA and Al anon? Is it best to try both at the same time or one first? I know I need to quit. Do I really want to? Not sure. I want to be able to drink "normally" but years of practice has told me that's not going to happen. My ABF and I are going to try once again to quit. I just think it's extra hard when both of us have our own drinking issues.

2tough2die

Hi brdlvr!

I dont have any personal advice as to whether a couple, both wet, should or shouldn't attend the same meetings (if they chose to). On one hand, there's support right there, and on the other hand, I could see it causing some reluctance to freely express oneself in the presence of those it could directly effect... I guess that would depend on the dynamics of the relationship.

I think we'd all here like to drink 'normally'. But like y'all, our years of collective practice told us it wasn't going to happen. I was also 'not sure' about quitting, but I knew it was the only way to pre-emtively avoid serious problems which I knew were inevitable after years of trying to 'cut down' (I am also in my 30's, been drinking since Junior High). You can only blackout and act out so many times while drunk until it bites you.

- Greg

Chy

Hi and welcome! First off I'd go to AA, find a sponsor, begin working the program if you decide AA is for you. You have to take care of you first, get some sober time and while your doing this talk to your sponsor about Alanon. I can't see why going to both would hurt except that will be a lot of information to process at once. Keep it simple, easy does it we say! If your willing to learn they're both wonderful programs and you will recieve a great deal of support no matter what route you take.

CarolD

Hmmm...I suggest you use AA F2F and Alanon on line.

From ny ovservation... attending the same meetings with your partner is very stressful Try a Womens and a Mens if available.

Your first piority must be YOU and the same is true for your lover.

Hope you both find the joy of recovery.

mishelly

Welcome brdlvr2...I am a four year (off and on) vet of ALANON and recently got honest enough with myself to admit I am also an alcoholic and addict. I spoke to my ALANON sponsor and she practically (lovingly) booted me out of ALANON and into AA/NA. She said she couldn't see how I could get any better if I was coming to Alanon messed up and that my recovery from alcoholism/addiction came first. I still go to her when I'm having an ALANON type issue, i.e. my family members who still use, but I also have an AA sponsor, working the steps and going to AA/NA meetings faithfully. It's working for me...

nocellphone

I'd say your best course of action would be to get a handle on the drinking end of things via AA before heading for Al-Anon. Once you've been sober awhile, Al-Anon will still be there for you.

As they say, First Things First!

Greatful2004

brdlvr2,
I am in the same position as you, both me and my husband drink and are trying to get sober together.

We went to AA together for a while. That is ok, BUT, and this is a big BUT, you need to have your own program. If not, if one of you caves and drinks, it is highly likely the other will. You'll have a greater chance of success if you have your own sober support system.

I speak from the experience of nearly a year of relapses. My husband and I have finally split our recovery programs and we're having more success.

You'll have to decide for yourself whether you think alanon is helpful to you at this point. I am going, and I don't think that you necessarily have to wait to go. But you should be sober when you go, of course.

Good luck.
Lisa

brdlvr2

Thanks to all for your replies. I am going to a womens AA meeting tonight and will use this and another on-line group for additional support including Al anon.

Greatful: That is just what has happened with us in the past. I'd want a drink and it didn't take too much convincing for him to join me or vica versa. Both of us would say - ok, just one or just this once and of course that never lasted long.

I think that he will go with me to meetings as he said he knows he can't quit on his own, but if I said - ok, lets just try willpower he'd go along with that too. So yes, I will have my own support group.

thanks again all.