shopping for bread at hardware store
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
shopping for bread at hardware store
today while i was walking... i realized the mistakes in my last relationship went far back before the big fall.
it went back all the way to the beginning. i went shopping for bread (a relationship) in a hardware store (with an alcoholic).
he doesnt have bread. to me that was, he cant listen, he cant be giving, he cant give empathy, or anything close to what i was looking for in a relationship. he can yell, and can blame, and can make me insecure... but i wasnt looking for that.
he does have selfishness, he does have a disease, he does have a narrow viewpoint of life, and he does have some very good qualities... but... he doesnt have the things to make bread.
i would get mad, and hurt, and hurt some more. because i was hungry for bread and i just got... lots of things that werent bread.
so who's fault was it? mine. i looked for bread in a hardware store. yes i found some things that were very nice... shiny babbles. but not bread. nor the ingredients to make bread. and i was mad.
so now i look around... i still want bread. i still want someone who will listen, who can give as much as i give, can receive without thinking there are ulterior motives, and can grow with me. someone emotionally healthy and available. someone who wishes to live.. and live well.
i was lost in a hardware store, and you know what??? it was a nice store. but it wasnt where bread is to be found. so slowly i am working my way towards a bakery. and maybe some day.... i will find it.
quietsins
it went back all the way to the beginning. i went shopping for bread (a relationship) in a hardware store (with an alcoholic).
he doesnt have bread. to me that was, he cant listen, he cant be giving, he cant give empathy, or anything close to what i was looking for in a relationship. he can yell, and can blame, and can make me insecure... but i wasnt looking for that.
he does have selfishness, he does have a disease, he does have a narrow viewpoint of life, and he does have some very good qualities... but... he doesnt have the things to make bread.
i would get mad, and hurt, and hurt some more. because i was hungry for bread and i just got... lots of things that werent bread.
so who's fault was it? mine. i looked for bread in a hardware store. yes i found some things that were very nice... shiny babbles. but not bread. nor the ingredients to make bread. and i was mad.
so now i look around... i still want bread. i still want someone who will listen, who can give as much as i give, can receive without thinking there are ulterior motives, and can grow with me. someone emotionally healthy and available. someone who wishes to live.. and live well.
i was lost in a hardware store, and you know what??? it was a nice store. but it wasnt where bread is to be found. so slowly i am working my way towards a bakery. and maybe some day.... i will find it.
quietsins
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
I think you will find the bakery, now that you know what you are looking for. 
I encountered that line about shopping for bread in a hardware store in one of the Alanon books, and I found it very comforting. Now I try very hard not to expect love, consideration, or validation from the alcoholic in my life. Expecting the alcoholic to love is asking too much when they are in the grip of their addiction.
The part that I am finding very difficult is that I must be calm, loving and considerate to a person who is causing me so much pain. It's really hard to do!
Robin
I encountered that line about shopping for bread in a hardware store in one of the Alanon books, and I found it very comforting. Now I try very hard not to expect love, consideration, or validation from the alcoholic in my life. Expecting the alcoholic to love is asking too much when they are in the grip of their addiction.
The part that I am finding very difficult is that I must be calm, loving and considerate to a person who is causing me so much pain. It's really hard to do!
Robin
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
This is a great analogy!! I can totally RELATE to trying to buy bread in a hardware store!
How about trying to buy desinger jeans in a tire store LOL!!! I could go on all day putting these anologies together. I really need to stop and read this more often.
Although, I'm not sure if I'm mad at myself or him. When I look back on the past when we had first gotten together, I think now what a fool I was not to leave him. I had tried, but always failed. I wish I could go back and change that, but I guess its a good lesson learned....
How about trying to buy desinger jeans in a tire store LOL!!! I could go on all day putting these anologies together. I really need to stop and read this more often.
Although, I'm not sure if I'm mad at myself or him. When I look back on the past when we had first gotten together, I think now what a fool I was not to leave him. I had tried, but always failed. I wish I could go back and change that, but I guess its a good lesson learned....
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Home
Posts: 338
I also really like that. This is another one of those posts I think should stay at the top. Just to add something, I think sometimes the hardware store puts a sign over top that says bread store. Like on cartoons say where Sylvester opens his mouth and puts a "bird paradise" sign there for Tweety to walk into :-) So if we get hard on ourselves we can remember that and know that we just didn't know. Well, except Tweetie never got fooled. Oh heck well anyway....sometimes I am just more like daffy duck I guess :- )
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