How can I help??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 4
How can I help??
hello all,
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 months and we live together, and the situation is he is trying to quit using coke. He told me he really bad last year, went to Hazelton came back and used some more. But after we met (side note: we knew each other in high school and reconnected after 15 yrs), he claims that I'm the reason why he's doing so well. He's not going to meetings, because he thinks he can do it on his own. Well on Saturday, we had a great day, then we were at a sububan partyand he was drinking, which is a daily thing. (another side note: I, myself, have never seen or done coke, so I have no idea what to look for when it comes to symptoms-until this weekend) At the party, these older people were sneakily doing it upstairs. I could tell it was getting to him so I demanded we leave and he thanked me for doing so. Well after we left and got home he said he was going for cigarettes and would be back in 10 min. Well 35 min later he came back a different person and that person stuck around for 1 whole day.
Let me get to the point here, I'm trying to support him anyway I can. I post positive sayings on the bathroom mirror, tell him he's strong and wonderful person. But the issue is he's has paranoia problems from long term/short term use. He would imagine me cheating on him or thinking I'm doing drugs myself if he sees a bruise or some random thing. I don't know how to handle these accusations because he knows deep down they're not true but when he's drinking the positive goes out the window. He gets verbally abusive (even though it doesn't effect me because the things he claims are untrue) and you can see the frustration through the anger...
I could go on and on...please someone, I love him and I don't know how I can help? I know he has to take the step himself...
what do I do?
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 months and we live together, and the situation is he is trying to quit using coke. He told me he really bad last year, went to Hazelton came back and used some more. But after we met (side note: we knew each other in high school and reconnected after 15 yrs), he claims that I'm the reason why he's doing so well. He's not going to meetings, because he thinks he can do it on his own. Well on Saturday, we had a great day, then we were at a sububan partyand he was drinking, which is a daily thing. (another side note: I, myself, have never seen or done coke, so I have no idea what to look for when it comes to symptoms-until this weekend) At the party, these older people were sneakily doing it upstairs. I could tell it was getting to him so I demanded we leave and he thanked me for doing so. Well after we left and got home he said he was going for cigarettes and would be back in 10 min. Well 35 min later he came back a different person and that person stuck around for 1 whole day.
Let me get to the point here, I'm trying to support him anyway I can. I post positive sayings on the bathroom mirror, tell him he's strong and wonderful person. But the issue is he's has paranoia problems from long term/short term use. He would imagine me cheating on him or thinking I'm doing drugs myself if he sees a bruise or some random thing. I don't know how to handle these accusations because he knows deep down they're not true but when he's drinking the positive goes out the window. He gets verbally abusive (even though it doesn't effect me because the things he claims are untrue) and you can see the frustration through the anger...
I could go on and on...please someone, I love him and I don't know how I can help? I know he has to take the step himself...
what do I do?
Dreamlike...Now
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 707
You are right girl. There isn't a whole heck of a lot you can do. EXCEPT take care of yourself. Which would mean going to an Alanon/Naranon meeting in your area, posting in the Naranon forum of this site...
I am sorry you have to watch someone you love in the grips of addiction. It is a terribly frustrating and difficult place to be. But there are lots of people who can help you deal.
Keep Reaching Out
Tanya
I am sorry you have to watch someone you love in the grips of addiction. It is a terribly frustrating and difficult place to be. But there are lots of people who can help you deal.
Keep Reaching Out
Tanya
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Chester, England
Posts: 10
Someone told me that everyone has the right to their own rock-bottom. Sounds heartless, but he probably can't stop for you, he can if he's doing it for himself, with the help of something more powerfull than himself.
david
david
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 4
Thank you guys for your response! We are planning to go to meetings next week - him CA and me Nar-anon or Al-anon. I understand also I need to focus on myself and my career (which is just starting to take off and I've worked too long for it). As long as he can replace the negative with the positive and pray, he WILL get stronger. I read somewhere on this website that redbull may be good for energy's sake...I'll have to suggest that to him.
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12 KJV
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"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4 KJV
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12 KJV
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"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4 KJV
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