Savana 54

I just got back about an hour ago from picking up my car. I had a nice long bus ride up there, and a nice long drive back. It gave me a lot of time to think, maybe to much time to think.

I have only driven to this city once; that was three weeks ago when my car broke down on the way to pick him up from the train. Its a beautiful drive up there, lots of deer, a huge lake, so much to look at. Well, I started to instantly think about how three weeks ago I was in the process of driving up to meet him. Everytime I would notice something that looked familiar on the trip up and back I would immediatley associate it with him. I was so happy that day to pick him up, had my new car, the sun was shining, had my Golden Retriever with me; that day felt like a new start. Even though the tow truck ending up taking me to the train station were he was at, I was so happy to see him; a familiar face, a warm hug, at one time this man took care of me when I was extremely depressed from missing my son, things weren't always this bad.I tend sometimes, even when someone has hurt me to only think about the good things about them.

So today when I passed the Motel we stayed in that night because we couldn't get back home, I got weak, my heart sank. When I arrived at the Dealership to pick up my car, my mind raced back to the day we spent sitting around for almost eight hours, wondering how we were going to get home, and wondering what was wrong with the car I had just bought; but yet we made the most of it. He held me that day when I started to cry, we laughed and played with the dog, we held hands and talked. What I'm trying to say is that almost everything I saw or was around today reminded me of him and us, that day. I just can't get over how things can go from happy to so bad, bad enough to where he wants to leave me, but my head tells me he is so very sick. My heart has a hard time with this.

While in the car on the way back, I started to feel lots of anxiety, and I got this homesick feeling in the pit of my stomach; the feeling you get as a kid when you spend the night away from your parents for the first time. I guess I'm grieving once again. I'm sure he is long gone to New York by now. Hope he is happy with his choice to hurt me again.

I feel that I find so much that reminds me of him. I feel like I just want to get out of this town, and leave ALL the memories behind me forever. How I wish I could move away....Far, far away..

susane1408

((((((((((((((((((((((Savana)))))))))))))))))))))
hope you find your healing.

cwohio

((savanah)) - i am sorry your drive/bus ride ended up making you sad. you put your finger on it - you are grieving and that's a necessary and healthy thing.

hugs - chris

Savana 54

Thanks Cwohio and susane!

Do any of you feel this way? Do certain things "trigger" your memories of your SO? How do you deal with it?

JessicaNAJ

A lot of things trigger my memory. After all, I've known him half my life. I use to get sad, but then I think of it as now, I'm creating new memories / my memories. It does take time, you will be okay