how many more....................
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
how many more....................
im trying to figure out what i should title this thread....well,maybe if i just start typing,by the end it will come to me.
i have never discussed on these boards,my sister,who is an alcoholic. we speak by phone,every now and again,help each other out now and again,but thats about it.we live 600 miles from each other.
i have never discussed my 26 year old son,who has been in and out of rehabs/mental facilities from the ages of about 18-22. who every sunday nite seems to end up stopping here,after partying it up all weekend,in one of his moods--arguing and being obnoxious about whatever,and with the girfriend.(who is the most codependent person i have ever met)(i have told her to leave my own son....and she doesnt.
ive never talked about one of my good friends,whose kids grew up with mine,(also 600 miles away), and we just started talking more in the past year,even getting together--her son is a very bad heroin addict.if he survives to 30, it will be a miracle.
now,just as i am struggling with the loss of the alcoholic boyfriend, i find that my once best friend is unavailable. we have spent many many hours on the phone state to state,and many of these times for years on end were about men...one in particular on her end. even the times i was tired of hearing it,i listened. over and over. this went on,for quite a few years after she never saw him again (in a relationship/romance type meeting). and i still listened.she hasnt had any kind of relationship since,and its been at least three,four years. all thru the years, i knew she liked her pot...i knew she did some coke from time to time. i have done these things,on occasion...rare occasion..well,last summer she started behaving (at least to me, rather irrationally) in the past year,she has been out of work twice for long periods of time (accidents,but i feel maybe exaggerated time out),sold her house,moved in with her daughter, the daughter moved out-so now she is back to high bills--and she doesnt seem concerned at all that she is still always taking time off of work and may get fired. which would not be good,because she has been there a long time,and knows nothing else,but that field, which there is not much work opportunity in.plus at our ages,it is hard to find work.all along,she still talks of getting her pot and coke.at one point,she mentioned something about moving in with her aged parents,and i suppose that is what she will do if she loses her job. now,i have found that since i broke it off with my man, and leaned on her, she never calls me anymore.i am attributing it to two things...one,she got sick of hearing me,and two...i started finally standing up for some things i believe-debating her- in our conversations...nothing big-(nothing about her use)-just little things here and there.
so anyway, not only am i dealing with the loss of the boyfriend, on top of it,i'm dealing with the loss of my best friend. obviously,both to their addictions.
i just cant tell you how sad it makes me feel
i have never discussed on these boards,my sister,who is an alcoholic. we speak by phone,every now and again,help each other out now and again,but thats about it.we live 600 miles from each other.
i have never discussed my 26 year old son,who has been in and out of rehabs/mental facilities from the ages of about 18-22. who every sunday nite seems to end up stopping here,after partying it up all weekend,in one of his moods--arguing and being obnoxious about whatever,and with the girfriend.(who is the most codependent person i have ever met)(i have told her to leave my own son....and she doesnt.
ive never talked about one of my good friends,whose kids grew up with mine,(also 600 miles away), and we just started talking more in the past year,even getting together--her son is a very bad heroin addict.if he survives to 30, it will be a miracle.
now,just as i am struggling with the loss of the alcoholic boyfriend, i find that my once best friend is unavailable. we have spent many many hours on the phone state to state,and many of these times for years on end were about men...one in particular on her end. even the times i was tired of hearing it,i listened. over and over. this went on,for quite a few years after she never saw him again (in a relationship/romance type meeting). and i still listened.she hasnt had any kind of relationship since,and its been at least three,four years. all thru the years, i knew she liked her pot...i knew she did some coke from time to time. i have done these things,on occasion...rare occasion..well,last summer she started behaving (at least to me, rather irrationally) in the past year,she has been out of work twice for long periods of time (accidents,but i feel maybe exaggerated time out),sold her house,moved in with her daughter, the daughter moved out-so now she is back to high bills--and she doesnt seem concerned at all that she is still always taking time off of work and may get fired. which would not be good,because she has been there a long time,and knows nothing else,but that field, which there is not much work opportunity in.plus at our ages,it is hard to find work.all along,she still talks of getting her pot and coke.at one point,she mentioned something about moving in with her aged parents,and i suppose that is what she will do if she loses her job. now,i have found that since i broke it off with my man, and leaned on her, she never calls me anymore.i am attributing it to two things...one,she got sick of hearing me,and two...i started finally standing up for some things i believe-debating her- in our conversations...nothing big-(nothing about her use)-just little things here and there.
so anyway, not only am i dealing with the loss of the boyfriend, on top of it,i'm dealing with the loss of my best friend. obviously,both to their addictions.
i just cant tell you how sad it makes me feel
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
(((((((HUGS))))))))
I too, seem to attract addicts/alcoholics. Whether it be friends or men in my life. One of my best friends from College and HS is an alcoholic/addict. I had no clue she was an alcoholic until I went to stay with her a few years back. Also, both of our sons were really close, so we would see a lot of each other when we both lived in the same state. It was about 2 years into her Meth addiction before I even knew she had a problem. I always wondered about the big sores on her face. But get this; she used Meth throughout college and ended up graduating with honors...She said the Meth is what got her through. Not to mention her major was Criminal Law & Justice. Many of her Professors were Lawyers and Ex-probation officers and yet they had no clue she was high everyday. It just amazes me.
She is now working as a Border Patrol agent on one of the Canadian borders. She carries around a gun and keeps it loaded in her house. She drinks every night, takes Anti-Depressants, and Tylenol PM to fall asleep. She is a walking mess!! The only reason she took her job and moved far away from her family is because her job didn't require a lie detector test. She would always steer clear of the jobs that required that.
I only feel sorry for her son. As now she has her fiance' living with her and he too is an alcoholic/addict.
I don't think your friend is trying to hurt you intentionally, it just sounds as though she is very sick...
I too, seem to attract addicts/alcoholics. Whether it be friends or men in my life. One of my best friends from College and HS is an alcoholic/addict. I had no clue she was an alcoholic until I went to stay with her a few years back. Also, both of our sons were really close, so we would see a lot of each other when we both lived in the same state. It was about 2 years into her Meth addiction before I even knew she had a problem. I always wondered about the big sores on her face. But get this; she used Meth throughout college and ended up graduating with honors...She said the Meth is what got her through. Not to mention her major was Criminal Law & Justice. Many of her Professors were Lawyers and Ex-probation officers and yet they had no clue she was high everyday. It just amazes me.
She is now working as a Border Patrol agent on one of the Canadian borders. She carries around a gun and keeps it loaded in her house. She drinks every night, takes Anti-Depressants, and Tylenol PM to fall asleep. She is a walking mess!! The only reason she took her job and moved far away from her family is because her job didn't require a lie detector test. She would always steer clear of the jobs that required that.
I only feel sorry for her son. As now she has her fiance' living with her and he too is an alcoholic/addict.
I don't think your friend is trying to hurt you intentionally, it just sounds as though she is very sick...
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 42
I am so sorry for your saddness and pain, it is so much for one person to bear. Do you have any other friends you can talk to about how you feel? You may be right about your friend, in that you have a voice now and sometimes people just want to be agreed with and not here someone else's opinion. Not here though, I have read a lot of great advice given to different people. It is good that you are able to express your feelings so well here and open yourself up for discussion.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
savana...its just amazing isnt it....how many people...and how so many of them can pull it off..........me,my luck just a few drinks and id be pulled over.....i know so many that drive while high on pot,pills whatever......its quite scary.ive even met a couple,and heard of a few NURSES who were actively using.my ex--as much beer as he drank,i cant see how he could be under 0.8 at ANY time.....and hes a mechanic. they drink at the shop(owner included) in the afternoons if they are slow---what if .....................??? its just so frustrating for me trying to make friends...here i am 51 years old,and i am still a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. seems its either total partiers/addicts or people that are just too old fashioned in their ways for me,or have too much drama going on.
im thinking of asking my friend if there was something i said or did that made her mad at me,and just see what she says. but no matter what the answer to that is, i have to admit once again that odds are she does have an addiction problem. which strange as it is, i can accept alittle more readily from a friend than a lover....as i basically have been doing with her all these years knowing she was using on a regular basis. i dont know, we are all going thru a rough time...aging is not fun,the hormones,the body changes,especially in this day and age.
well,at least i have the people here.................you all have been my lifesavers,and i pray for ALL of us who have the strength to come here.
im thinking of asking my friend if there was something i said or did that made her mad at me,and just see what she says. but no matter what the answer to that is, i have to admit once again that odds are she does have an addiction problem. which strange as it is, i can accept alittle more readily from a friend than a lover....as i basically have been doing with her all these years knowing she was using on a regular basis. i dont know, we are all going thru a rough time...aging is not fun,the hormones,the body changes,especially in this day and age.
well,at least i have the people here.................you all have been my lifesavers,and i pray for ALL of us who have the strength to come here.
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