Look, I"m Just another stupid drunk
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Look, I"m Just another stupid drunk
I don't know any better than you, I'm just another stupid drunk. I sure wish I had some answers, but I really don't. I've tried NA/AA, SMART, Lifering, nothing is gonna make a difference until I decide I've had enough, yet I keep drinking, WTF!!! I guess that is that disease, or whatever, that we have. Guess I'll keep quiet for here for awhile, if I can't even help myself, I don't think I have much to offer to ya'll. Sorry for all the BS in the past, I thought I was helping, but I guess I was just BS. I guess that is what this does to us. Take care all, nothing but love from me. Peace all.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Well Tyler, I can definitly say I've been where you are tonight. A couple of times. I guess what made the difference for me is that I finally had had enough. You know, the old sick and tired of being sick and tired thing. It was killing me. I just couldn't do it anymore. Until you get serious, really serious and commit to working a program, things will never change. I don't know if you're not working the right program for you, or just not working any program? You are helping others Tyler. Don't think that you aren't. You have reminded me of where I was about 1 year ago. I felt just as helpless as you do. I wanted to quit, but just couldn't. There is a solution. That solution for me was AA. You don't know unless you work it. It changes lives. Think about it. Why keep torturing yourself. It doesn't have to be that way. Make a commitment, any commiment. Just don't drink. One day at a time man. I'll be here tomorrow. I'll help you get through the day. You can do it. We can do it. Deal?
Future Philanthropist
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 233
"Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over." -from Seinfeld
Sho nuff.
The key, as I see it, is making that decision while you still have a decision to make. I wobbled the Coke machine for three years before it 'went over' (as in, it got through my granite hard skull that things weren't going to get better otherwise). I hope you have more success in less time, because I'd sure like to have some of the past three years I dont remember back.
You're always welcome when you are ready to give it another go. From your quote above, I believe it may be in a few hours. Keep on rocking it!
- Greg
nothing is gonna make a difference until I decide I've had enough, yet I keep drinking, WTF!!!
The key, as I see it, is making that decision while you still have a decision to make. I wobbled the Coke machine for three years before it 'went over' (as in, it got through my granite hard skull that things weren't going to get better otherwise). I hope you have more success in less time, because I'd sure like to have some of the past three years I dont remember back.
You're always welcome when you are ready to give it another go. From your quote above, I believe it may be in a few hours. Keep on rocking it!
- Greg
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 131
Tyler, you are helping by being here. You're helping me to vividly remember how you feel, the hopelessness you see in the situation, and to appreciate that I'm sober today. You're helping yourself by hearing from people who know exactly what you're feeling, who can really appreciate your words and who want to help. You're helping the Tyler that will one day look back on these posts and be greatful for this learning and growing process, and see that this was the beginning of his road to recovery :-).
And quit beating yourself up over what may be going on in your life! All you can do is keep trying, right?
And quit beating yourself up over what may be going on in your life! All you can do is keep trying, right?
Miss Behavin'
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: regina,saskatchewan
Posts: 966
tyler, i for one get sooo much from the words you type to people here on SR. You are worth more than you think!!! You're right, nothing IS gonna get better till you decide you've had enough. simple fact is we are here for each other whether we are drinking, doing drugs or just plain insane. Its a place of strength, experience and hope. I don't believe what you have replied to people is BS. It's you're opinion. Just like right now, how you're feeling is your feeling. What are you thinking, feeling, doing before you take that first drink?? Drinking and drugging numbs the pain, this is a dis-ease of the feelings. We as addicts are sensitive people. I don't knwo what else to say here Tyler...I know you miss your family, your son, but nothing changes if nothing changes.
If you don't think that you want to post here for a while that is your choice but i really hope that you continue reading...lurking...whatever you want to call it. You just might come across something that will change your life. Or maybe it will be 5 little things that all of a sudden give you that lightbulb moment. either way, you're in my prayers Tyler.
\\// and nothin' but love from here too, Wendy
If you don't think that you want to post here for a while that is your choice but i really hope that you continue reading...lurking...whatever you want to call it. You just might come across something that will change your life. Or maybe it will be 5 little things that all of a sudden give you that lightbulb moment. either way, you're in my prayers Tyler.
\\// and nothin' but love from here too, Wendy
Recovering from 10 yrs of Weed
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 59
I drank a few times to get to sleep in the beginning. I was just really tired of being miserable from quitting weed. It's hard to quit everything all at once. Unless you wanna leave town and go to a remote cabin somewhere.
I think you are way to hard on yourself. You are aware of your actions and are trying hard to change them. That is a good start. I have a friend that is so depressed. He smokes weed all the time. And I wanna just tell him to stop the weed and he will get a clear head. All this stuff that you already know. Knowing is really half the battle.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're gonna beat this thing. I know it.
I think you are way to hard on yourself. You are aware of your actions and are trying hard to change them. That is a good start. I have a friend that is so depressed. He smokes weed all the time. And I wanna just tell him to stop the weed and he will get a clear head. All this stuff that you already know. Knowing is really half the battle.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're gonna beat this thing. I know it.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi Tyler.....raising my hand....I'm just another stupid drunk also, and a happier drunk today, you're never alone.
Your posts have helped a lot, yes they have. This drinking thing loves to twist our thinking.
Today is a new day....jump back up on the horse and away we go, that's how it works. You know I had been posting drunk messages here for some time, and it made me feel so awful...today I'm a different person, something has changed inside of me, I know what it is, my HP, yepper the Big Guy, he's been trying to help me all along, but I kept turning a deaf ear to him....not today my friend, not today. My drunken posts taught me a lot to, if something is bothering me now, I will write it down, do you journal? it's a wonderful tool.
Since my last hangover from hell, every day I write something down, it really helps Tyler.
I was using SMART, it's a good program, but I need face to face right now, it's the only thing that works for me. Today I know I can't do another hangover, nor want to. You'll get to that point too, I pray today is the day for you. Some of us make this harder then need to be....me being one of them...please join me Tyler, this side is pretty good, the sense of freedom is pretty amazing, you'll be able to breath easier.
Much love.....Denise
Your posts have helped a lot, yes they have. This drinking thing loves to twist our thinking.
Today is a new day....jump back up on the horse and away we go, that's how it works. You know I had been posting drunk messages here for some time, and it made me feel so awful...today I'm a different person, something has changed inside of me, I know what it is, my HP, yepper the Big Guy, he's been trying to help me all along, but I kept turning a deaf ear to him....not today my friend, not today. My drunken posts taught me a lot to, if something is bothering me now, I will write it down, do you journal? it's a wonderful tool.
Since my last hangover from hell, every day I write something down, it really helps Tyler.
I was using SMART, it's a good program, but I need face to face right now, it's the only thing that works for me. Today I know I can't do another hangover, nor want to. You'll get to that point too, I pray today is the day for you. Some of us make this harder then need to be....me being one of them...please join me Tyler, this side is pretty good, the sense of freedom is pretty amazing, you'll be able to breath easier.
Much love.....Denise
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NYC, NY
Posts: 193
Tyler
It is clear from the amount of energy and spirit that you have put into your recovery so far...and you REALLY have done that through so much thoughtful writing here...that you are preparing the way for yourself. You should not stop your courageous and insightful posts. That could be disastrous for you.
Trust everyone when they say that...You will either wear yourself out soon with your drinking and truly be ready, find yourself being forced into recovery through your actions, or perhaps someone in your life will see that you are calling out for help and intervene (that was my case), or ..... Well, I am sure you are aware of the worst case scenario....If not, you should do some SERIOUS thinking about it soon. It is amazing how much faster the desire for recovery came to me when I finally HONESTLY faced the reality that I (YOU) could very well die from alcohol....in a few days, weeks, months...at least, eventually.
I knew I had been sitting on the fence way too long, that my health was starting to suffer possibly irreversible consequences, etc...I was (in some surreal way) aware of forcing my spiral downward in order to finally reach a point where it was finally too unbearable for my soul to continue...Basially, until I had no choice.
Until (and I paraphrase from a SR member) "the fear of living a life sober was less than the fear of continuing to live a life of drinking"....I had to get real about the possibility of dying from alcoholism to change this balance of fear.
Strength and prayers on continuing your journey.
It is clear from the amount of energy and spirit that you have put into your recovery so far...and you REALLY have done that through so much thoughtful writing here...that you are preparing the way for yourself. You should not stop your courageous and insightful posts. That could be disastrous for you.
Trust everyone when they say that...You will either wear yourself out soon with your drinking and truly be ready, find yourself being forced into recovery through your actions, or perhaps someone in your life will see that you are calling out for help and intervene (that was my case), or ..... Well, I am sure you are aware of the worst case scenario....If not, you should do some SERIOUS thinking about it soon. It is amazing how much faster the desire for recovery came to me when I finally HONESTLY faced the reality that I (YOU) could very well die from alcohol....in a few days, weeks, months...at least, eventually.
I knew I had been sitting on the fence way too long, that my health was starting to suffer possibly irreversible consequences, etc...I was (in some surreal way) aware of forcing my spiral downward in order to finally reach a point where it was finally too unbearable for my soul to continue...Basially, until I had no choice.
Until (and I paraphrase from a SR member) "the fear of living a life sober was less than the fear of continuing to live a life of drinking"....I had to get real about the possibility of dying from alcoholism to change this balance of fear.
Strength and prayers on continuing your journey.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 425
Tyler; I also have enjoyed reading your posts/responses.
WHY are WE all so freaken hard on ourselves?
I guess it's because our selfesteem plummetted more and more in our drinking/using. At least we have a conscience. Once we come to acknowledge that we have a problem and need to quit, (which is really the hardest part) we will never be the same again, even if we continue drinking/using.
Your Higher Power has not given up on you, and will not give up on you. We will not give up on you, so please cut yourself some slack and don't give up on yourself either.
I for one don't care if you come in here drunk or sober, just please come in. I attended face to face meetings stoned for the longest time before getting clean.
We are not better or more special than you are Tyler. We have all been where you are. Learning to like ourselves is hard enough, but actually learning to love ourselves is the biggest challenge for us. Oh, we can love others, but loving ourselves.....hmm, damn challenging! We can forgive others, but again, forgiving ourselves......
I can guarantee you that no body here feels about you the way you do. We know the challenges, we know the self hatred.
Can't you just fake it till you make it? So many of us here have had to do that.
Take care Tyler, and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you
Diana
WHY are WE all so freaken hard on ourselves?
I guess it's because our selfesteem plummetted more and more in our drinking/using. At least we have a conscience. Once we come to acknowledge that we have a problem and need to quit, (which is really the hardest part) we will never be the same again, even if we continue drinking/using.
Your Higher Power has not given up on you, and will not give up on you. We will not give up on you, so please cut yourself some slack and don't give up on yourself either.
I for one don't care if you come in here drunk or sober, just please come in. I attended face to face meetings stoned for the longest time before getting clean.
We are not better or more special than you are Tyler. We have all been where you are. Learning to like ourselves is hard enough, but actually learning to love ourselves is the biggest challenge for us. Oh, we can love others, but loving ourselves.....hmm, damn challenging! We can forgive others, but again, forgiving ourselves......
I can guarantee you that no body here feels about you the way you do. We know the challenges, we know the self hatred.
Can't you just fake it till you make it? So many of us here have had to do that.
Take care Tyler, and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you
Diana
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Blaine, WA
Posts: 21
You got THAT right!
Hey! Tyler,
I read many posts 4 weeks ago today when I found this site. And if I had to rate the responses to my stupid drunken post that night and in the following shaky days, you are right there at the top of the list. I don't KNOW you, Tyler, and never really understood that crap about, "if you help one person in life, you have done something really good". Well.........NOW I do, I am at least one person you have helped. Thank you, more than words can say. Something you said or prehaps the way you said it, just made so much sense to me. Prehaps, it is the truthfulness that comes through, I read and reread your posts to me and they have helped me make it through another day, and sometimes another hour. Even your title for this thread , "I'm Just another stupid drunk" hit a cord with me. You are SO right, it's you, and me and most of the people here and in my opinion is why we are here. But, until I could admit that statement was true about ME, I would REMAIN one. Talk about denial, I was sure I was much smarter when drunk, I am just finding out now, how really stupid I was when drunk. As I have gone through this past 4 weeks, I have discovered many things out about myself. I found that the times that I REALLY wanted/needed a drink, were the times I wanted to avoid a bad feeling. I opted for crying, climbing the wall, and facing the pain and hurts that I had been covering up with alcohol. And all the while facing the pain and hurts, asking myself, will a drink change the situation? Yes, I could numb it, not feeling it, until I sobered up enough to 'feel' again. I don't want to go through this again. Thank you for being here for me! You are the smartest, "stupid drunk" I have ever known. One quick question, what would be the opposite of stupid drunk? ......smart sober? You can do it, Tyler! Here, have a
.
Quilter
I read many posts 4 weeks ago today when I found this site. And if I had to rate the responses to my stupid drunken post that night and in the following shaky days, you are right there at the top of the list. I don't KNOW you, Tyler, and never really understood that crap about, "if you help one person in life, you have done something really good". Well.........NOW I do, I am at least one person you have helped. Thank you, more than words can say. Something you said or prehaps the way you said it, just made so much sense to me. Prehaps, it is the truthfulness that comes through, I read and reread your posts to me and they have helped me make it through another day, and sometimes another hour. Even your title for this thread , "I'm Just another stupid drunk" hit a cord with me. You are SO right, it's you, and me and most of the people here and in my opinion is why we are here. But, until I could admit that statement was true about ME, I would REMAIN one. Talk about denial, I was sure I was much smarter when drunk, I am just finding out now, how really stupid I was when drunk. As I have gone through this past 4 weeks, I have discovered many things out about myself. I found that the times that I REALLY wanted/needed a drink, were the times I wanted to avoid a bad feeling. I opted for crying, climbing the wall, and facing the pain and hurts that I had been covering up with alcohol. And all the while facing the pain and hurts, asking myself, will a drink change the situation? Yes, I could numb it, not feeling it, until I sobered up enough to 'feel' again. I don't want to go through this again. Thank you for being here for me! You are the smartest, "stupid drunk" I have ever known. One quick question, what would be the opposite of stupid drunk? ......smart sober? You can do it, Tyler! Here, have a
.Quilter
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
(((Tyler)))
getting off the booze has been the biggest challenge of my life, it has damn near killed me on more than one occasion.
You are not alone in your frustration and searching for the best way to get and stay sober. You ARE making progress and that is the most important thing to keep in mind.
The best thing we addicts can do is to get out of self and reach out to others on the same path.... so please keep on sharing here and being a part of the beautiful solution to what ails us.
PS... If I see you use the word stupid one more time I am going to have to :slap: (love yourself my friend, stop beating yourself up, there is nothing stupid about you)
getting off the booze has been the biggest challenge of my life, it has damn near killed me on more than one occasion.
You are not alone in your frustration and searching for the best way to get and stay sober. You ARE making progress and that is the most important thing to keep in mind.
The best thing we addicts can do is to get out of self and reach out to others on the same path.... so please keep on sharing here and being a part of the beautiful solution to what ails us.
PS... If I see you use the word stupid one more time I am going to have to :slap: (love yourself my friend, stop beating yourself up, there is nothing stupid about you)
Not all better, getting better
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Thanks everyone, your words mean so much!! I don't really know why I decided to drink last night, boredom perhaps, that's a stupid reason!! I've got plenty of things to do, I just chose to do the wrong one. What can I say? I will say that it is definately getting worse, when I checked my email today and clicked on the link to this thread it listed the last message first. I kept wondering "Why are all these people writing to me? I scrolled to the top to find a post that I have absolutely no recolection of posting! Not good. Never really did the black out thing before. At least I was just guilty of PWI (Posting While Impaired) instead of DWI!! I really need to get serious about this $hit!! This isn't going to be the start of a bender for me, just a slip, hopefully I can learn from it as I did from my recent slip with the herb. Thanks again you guys, no more drunken rambling from me, I hate embarassing myself!! I can do that well enough sober!! Peace all.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Good to see ya back today. Blackouts are a scary thing. They certainly are. I remember when they became the norm instead of the exception. The scariest thing about alcoholism is its progression. It was for me anyways. It keeps getting worse and worse it you allow it to. It just sucks. Yep, keep coming back and keep fighting the good fight. You couldn't be in better company. We've been there done that. My main objective is to try and have you avoid the pain and mistakes I had to learn, the hard way. It isn't worth it. It never is. To new beginnings and to a new start. You can do this Tyler, I know you can.
You can do this Tyler, I know you can.
LOL.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
