JessicaNAJ

Little vent here.....

I was at Kings Island yesterday. My GF called (late) and asked me to stay with her kids...it was her anniversary and her and her husband had gotten a hotel room for the night.

I called my AH and asked him if he wanted the kids for the night - he wasn't going to get them b/c we were at Kings Island and we'd be getting back late. I thought it would be nice .... he'd get to spend time with the kids. She has 3 and my patience level is not that great. I told my AH this too.

Now he thinks I was lying to him about where I was going. I mean why else would I ask him if he wanted the kids for the night, right?

I am so pissed. I have never given him a reason to not trust me. How is he going to sit there and judge me???? I told you all last week that he thought I was seeing someone from work. Whatever. I told him the truth then too. He's been doing this **** all (sorry) year. He's the one that's been lying to me.....now he's not drinking and actually is where he says he is and he's going to start judging me? What makes him so righteous???

Why am I getting sucked back in to this????? I told him as soon as my feelings for him start coming out, I get hurt. I need to put them in the box and leave em there. Why do I love this man??? Why do I care???

quietsins

"hugs" its the quacking... quack quack quack.... if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and waddles like a duck... its a duck.

personally... i went duck hunting and got rid of all those feelings as my duck kept quacking and all i got was sicker and sicker. i am going to fight for me. no more duck crap on my shoes. just me... standing tall where i am.

alcoholics are morally and spiritually striking out because they are bankrupt within. may you find peace this weekend.


quietsins

Savana 54

That made me laugh! Very well put qs!

Hugs to you (((((Jessica)))))

sunshinebluesky

maybe,just maybe,in his sobriety he has come to the conclusion that all that time you WERE putting up with alot of crap,you DO deserve better,and rather than admit to you that he is scared to death he lost you....he lets his newfound insecurities get to him. leave it to a man, to handle things in all the wrong ways. as far as why do we love them,why do we care............damned if i know.

Sapphoness

Amen to that!!! Isn't it so true that those who deceive are the first to cry deception. Try not to let it effect you, it was he that broke trust with you. Perhaps he needs to be reminded of that and that he should want to spend as much time a as possible with his children without questioning the motive behind it, you owe him no explanations.

JessicaNAJ

He came up to me about an hour after our little "arguement" and gave me a hug. I asked him what that was for....he said b/c I love you.

We also talked later and I told him that he twists my words around and I can't get a straight thought out b/c of all the interruptions....therefore our conversations never go anywhere. But we were uninterrupted for about 10 minutes and I managed to point a few things out to him that he brought up. He said I always bring up the past. I pointed out that he brought it up in the first place so I went there too. He said I'm waiting till now to tell him how I feel. I pointed out to him that I have told him and I continue to tell him how I feel and what I'm feeling. Then I sarcastically said, "If you think I'm going to tell you everyday what I told you yesterday, you're crazy." (In other words, I'm not going to keep repeating myself over and over and over again like I use to.) I said I have put some boudaries in place and I will point them out to him as I go along....since there are too many to start explaining to him. I also told him I'm not putting up with anyone walking over me anymore.

He said I've not given him any reassurance that I'm still his wife.....HELLO I'm still here. He said people have told him that he's stupid for waiting for me. I told him I've been waiting for him to get his act together. Then I told him that people have told me that I don't have to tell him anything cause we are separated. But, we are not seperating b/c we are getting a divorce, we are separated b/c we have issues that need to be dealt with. Therefore, I try to give him the same respect I would as if we weren't separated.

He thinks I listen and do what others tell me. I told him I listen to myself. I take what I learn from everyone else, whether it be their situation or advice they are offering me, and I learn and listen to what my mind tells me. Not what anyone else tells me.

Anyway....I'm proud of him for not drinking. But just when I think things are going a little better for us, he starts with this insecurity stuff. I'm tired of trying to justify myself to him. How much reassurance can I give a person??? I'm still here, isn't that enough?

I am not going back to my CoDe ways. I will continue to be honest with him, but I will not kiss his rear to prove anything. I will not let him twist my words. I will be heard. I will stand my ground.

I think, he heard me tonight.

jcw1964

I am in a similar situation. My wife is threatened by my recovery. I am no longer codependant (or at least not as much) and that is not comfortable for her. She said last night " i dont even know who you are anymore". She is not working the steps by the way and I try to apply the things that I have learned about my recovery to our life and she doesnt understand, deflects attention away from her choices, projects her feelings onto me. quack, quack, quack. I just try not to get sucked into it.
Keep up the good work. and keep coming back
Jeff