sunshinebluesky

actually i had more moments than minnie. i dont know what is wrong with me. hearing that beer open at 9 in the morning sickened me. watching him drink 24/7 disgusted me. listening to him whine and complain but not take any action on anything frustrated me and brought me down. one of the rare nights we were out and he was being mean to the waitress embarrassed me. him buying me those little lights people put on the hood of their cars for my birthday last april and never putting them on irritated me. me having to pay for most of my car maintainence and repairs even though he is a mechanic embarrassed me.him watching porn just about every day disgusted me.catching him hanging out his car window looking at some woman hurt me.his mental incapcitation made for some really stupid questions,comments, and never any real conversation or discussion. i never felt truly loved,i never felt passion from him. since the breakup jan31,he wanted to be friends but was just too friendly.it was like he was forgetting we were broke up in a way.that was yet another frustration. so then he pissed me off enough asking me to watch his cat to go to bike week,that i told him stay away. and he did. for the first time since we started having makeups and breakups a year ago. and thats where the many minnie moments come in....SOOOOOOOOO--i feel the need to ride by his house.see a strange vehicle there. to make it short, in the past 36 hours what has transpired is this.....called him,found out he took some woman he MET on WED---friday to myrtle for the weekend. she went with him,his boss and one coworker--and stayed in the SAME ROOM WITH ALL OF THEM. seems she has been divorced FOUR times. shes been at his house ever since---though when i first met him,he told me i snored(!!!), and it was ok on the weekends,but not during the work week thats why he didnt ask me to be there more. so we have been round and round,i have done the sixteen year old pyschotic girl episodes with the phone calls back and forth,-and then cried my eyes out most of the day.I made him go get the cell phone thing taken care of so i dont have to deal with that and him anymore. Ive been reminding myself of the post i read yesterday about them being sick. it is I who is sick. i dont want to be with him the way he is, yet i freaked out because he is with someone else. why do i do this to myself? why do i not have control over it?
i cant believe i am 51 years old,in and out of relationships since 1989,and despite seeing the red flags, i damn CARRIED them for way longer than i should have. oh yeah,i have learned from this...what i should have been smart enough to learn a long time ago and put into practice. and no matter how much i talk to myself,try to pick myself up...im letting myself sit here and cry while he is not. please help me get my power back............................

cwohio

((sunshinebluesky)) sorry you're feeling so bad. come on - you can do it! smile and stay away!

Cynay

OMG .... I SO FEEL YOUR PAIN.

The only thing I can suggest is Al-anon, theraphy and learning to let go of this... trust me Im not expert at the letting go but I do know we deserve MUCH more then this.

Do something nice for yourself.... and Please trust me on the getting help. Im sooooo thankful for my sponsor and she has be wonderful, setting me straight and helping me through it.

*HUGS* stay strong ... you are so worth getting out of the chaos and of that roller coaster

sunshinebluesky

well ironically enough..the good thing is....with him replacing me i have to stay away and wont hear from him. i do remember a time i actually WISHED he would find someone so i wouldnt have to hear from him. thats why i am so confused at my reactions.

minnie

Is that named after me? Well, I never.....

Honey, it's only natural. It tugs at the heartstrings to know that they are with someone else. You know what, though? I feel really sorry for the other woman. Because they've got it all coming. And on the other hand, I don't feel sorry for them. Becuase they might learn about SR and Al-anon and learn to get some love back for themselves. Which I know is what you're going to do.

Al-anon, posting here, journaling, reading.....whatever it takes. We can and will come oput of this stronger people. And we will get what we deserve.

Hang in there, petal.

Love

Minnie
xxx

FriendofBill

You sound like me. Addicted. To drama? men? Pain?

Who knows..but what I know is that for me to stay in all that sickness, I musta been getting something out of it to continue.After all, if I hate it, cry over it, remounce it over and over again, YET I just cant let him go and I go back for all of it...I am getting some kind of sick, twisted benefit from it.

Sounds kinda like alcoholism, huh? They drink, they get sick from it, suffers nasty ass consequences, destroy thier lives, jobs, relationships,,YET the go back for more, dont they?

Thats addiction....my addiction is people, specifically male-peoples, who tend to be alkies, tho not a requirement.

To get a 24 hour daily reprieve from my addition, I work a 12 step program in Al-Anon. Its been working for me. Hope you get there!

EndOfRoadWife

Amen to that! I hear ya! Addicted to pain, drama..I'm right there with ya all!!

CodeMaster

Hang in there...