blaming
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Ontario,Canada
Posts: 7
blaming
last night at my meeting we discussed, blame and how my says i blame all my problems on everyone else.......
than came the topic of,
THEY ARE NOT BLAMING YOU, THEY ARE BLAMING THEMSELVES.
please anyone give me your explanation of this cause it just does not make any sense to me! I wonder if i do this now?????
than came the topic of,
THEY ARE NOT BLAMING YOU, THEY ARE BLAMING THEMSELVES.
please anyone give me your explanation of this cause it just does not make any sense to me! I wonder if i do this now?????
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi Dwell,
Pretend that we each have an empty container inside of us. Others come along and start throwing trash in our empty container. Pretty soon we have a full trash can. We can sit there and blame those people for putting all that trash in our container, but they are not and cannot empty the trash. We have to do that for ourselves. It might not be our fault that it's there, but it is now our responsibility to do something about it.
We can be miserable and smell that trash and wait for that someone else to fix it or we can fix the problem ourself. So the best thing to do is to stop blaming and accept the fact that there is work to be done and start doing it.
Pretty soon you will have an empty container again that can now be filled up with lovely things.
P.S. I don't see that you are blaming. I think you are working.
P.P.S.S. When we learn boundaries we never let someone do that do us again.
Hugs,
MG
Pretend that we each have an empty container inside of us. Others come along and start throwing trash in our empty container. Pretty soon we have a full trash can. We can sit there and blame those people for putting all that trash in our container, but they are not and cannot empty the trash. We have to do that for ourselves. It might not be our fault that it's there, but it is now our responsibility to do something about it.
We can be miserable and smell that trash and wait for that someone else to fix it or we can fix the problem ourself. So the best thing to do is to stop blaming and accept the fact that there is work to be done and start doing it.
Pretty soon you will have an empty container again that can now be filled up with lovely things.
P.S. I don't see that you are blaming. I think you are working.
P.P.S.S. When we learn boundaries we never let someone do that do us again.
Hugs,
MG
Last edited by Morning Glory; 10-08-2002 at 08:39 PM.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
There is a piece of al anon literature called 3 Views of Al-Anon. One part called The Alcoholic Speaks to his Family.
It says: "I am an alcoholic. I need your help
Don't lecture, blame or scold me. You wouldn't be angry at me for having TB or diabetes. Alcoholism is a disease too.
Don't pour out my liquor, it's just a waste because I can always find ways of getting more. Don't let me provoke your anger. If you attack me verbally or physically, you will only confirm my bad opinion about myself. I hate myself enough already. Don't let your love and anxiety for me lead you into doing what I ought to do for myself. If you assume my responsibilities, you make my failure to assume them permanent. My sense of guilt will be increased, and you will feel resentful. Don't accept my promises, I'll promise anything to get off the hook. But the nature of my illness prevents from keeping my promises, even though I mean them at the time."
There's more, but I thought this part might help for now
Hugs
osier59
It says: "I am an alcoholic. I need your help
Don't lecture, blame or scold me. You wouldn't be angry at me for having TB or diabetes. Alcoholism is a disease too.
Don't pour out my liquor, it's just a waste because I can always find ways of getting more. Don't let me provoke your anger. If you attack me verbally or physically, you will only confirm my bad opinion about myself. I hate myself enough already. Don't let your love and anxiety for me lead you into doing what I ought to do for myself. If you assume my responsibilities, you make my failure to assume them permanent. My sense of guilt will be increased, and you will feel resentful. Don't accept my promises, I'll promise anything to get off the hook. But the nature of my illness prevents from keeping my promises, even though I mean them at the time."
There's more, but I thought this part might help for now
Hugs
osier59
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