GettingBy

Well, B went on yet another 3 day bender this weekend (2nd weekend in a row). It was alot harder this time though because he left on Friday morning and I didn't hear a peep from him until Sunday night when he dragged his hung-over behind home.

We had a LONG talk last night, I guess we can call it a "State of the Union" (LOL!) address!! I had dug out the notebooks from our pre-canna classes, and asked him to go through them with me. Asked him if he thought we were living the Life Plan that we both had agreed on. He looked it over and said, "No, not really." It was a pretty heartfelt, and level headed conversation, on my part, and a very, very quiet one on his. I let him know that the verbal abuse was not acceptable for me anymore. I asked him again, for the second time, if he would consider going to marital counseling. He didn't want to give me an answer, probably because he was just hoping this whole thing would blow over (like I've let it do so many times in the past). We went to bed...

and I woke up this morning to Mr. Helpful (also know as Mr. Please Don't Remember all the Bad **** I Pulled Over the Past few Weeks who is also related to Mr. I'll do anything to stop you from crying/being mad!! Neither of which can be found when Mr. Don't Try to Change Me and Mr. I'll Drink and Drive if I Want to are in town!!). He jumped right up to let the dog out, quickly made the coffee, did a load of laundry, and wanted to know if he could do anything to help me get ready for work!?!?! WHO IS THIS MAN!?!? Anyways, my answer? "Yeah, I'm going to make an appointment for counseling. I want you to be there with me." Silence. He didn't say much after that except "Okay, I've gotta go to work. Bye, I love you!"

I've got the appointment set, Thursday morning 10:45. I know that I can't control what happens when we're there. Whatever is meant to be will be. I do know that I'm doing the best I can right now, and I'm taking care of me. I called him to let him know and he said, "Okay I've marked my calender. Thanks." Yeah! He's going to go! Guess he hasn't given up on us yet!

We're in the process of seperating out our finances as well. He emptied the account this weekend so I guess that was my breaking point. Little by little I'm setting my boundaries. It takes time, and patience. I know that I can only do what I am comfortable with. I knew months (probably more like years!) ago that I didn't trust him with all the money, but I didn't have the strength then to make a change. It's good to know I'm finally there.

Still a long journey left though.... one step at a time.

kimmyf1965

Wow!!! I'm married to this guy too!!! Back about 10 months ago I set up my own bank account without his name on it. I was tired of my check book pulling a disappearing act & then there was the ATM card. Checks would clear that I didn't write because he found the extra check book. My account was suffering from a lack of funds and I was getting charged the overdraft fees. I had enough!! Closed the account and opened a new one with just my name. To this day he'll ask me if he can get back on the account! Hasn't changed one bit but thinks I'm going to put him back on my checking account!! LOL

cwohio

gettingby - good luck at the counseling. when we got married i kept my own accounts and he his - when the money goes i know who to blame!