hopealwayz

I'm so sad right now. My boyfriend and I got into a really bad fight tonight. He was recalling all the things I did to hurt him while I was using. I've been clean now for like 10 days and I feel like I'm getting better but I guess the past is too much for him to deal with. He doesn't even want to talk to me now.

I love him soooo much but I'm probably going to lose him over this damn addiction. I'm sorry now but it is too late and I can't change what is done.

I don't want to lose him. I want him to see the new me and not what I became while I was using.:tissue

dave

Its not easy not using anymore.This is your first test of not using.I,ve been their and believe me it gets better.So dont give up and stay strong.

junem

It takes time and our continued abstinece for loved ones to get to a place where they can forgive and trust us again. In the meantime all we can do is not use and tell them that we are sorry that we hurt them but that we were sick in the grips of addiction and are now doing all we can to right the situation. Patience and concentrating on doing the things you need to do to stay clean and sober is all you can do at this time. My prayers are with you as it is painful to have to see how we hurted the ones we love.

wantpom

AH,
In my humble opinion, all you can do about your relationship with your boyfriend is take it one day at a time and try to make that day a good one, just like your sobriety. Remember, you have to put your sobriety first or everything else is doomed to fall. Believe me, I've learned the hard way. Good luck. Keep your chin up.

Anna

Angel,

I'm sorry for the sadness you are going through. It's still early on in your clean life though, and you need to try to be patient. I know how frustrating it is for you because you've taken such big steps, but your b/f is probably still unsure about things. Just hang in there and give him a little more time.

Love, Anna

ToriGirl

Yes Angel..I agree with all these replies. It seems like I am faced with all these tests while trying to recover.

My boyfriend hasn't left..he says he will be there till the end...but I often wonder how he can say that. I feel like I sometimes purposely drive him away because I don't want to subject him to my moody self. I really can't belive he is still here. He has used drugs before and had to quit 2 years ago because he became very addicted. So he knows. Maybe that is why...cause he says he knows it will get better. He has been through it. But as for others. They really don't know how it is. You will have to show him how it is...and that is going to take some time. Explain to him..that you could really use his support.

But you never know what he is thinking. Some people need us to be sick still. Some need to drag us through all the mistakes we have made. I don't know if he is that type...but step back from the situation and meditate about it. Try and find out what he is really saying to you. If the relationship needs some space..then let it breathe. If it is meant to be...then it will happen for you two.

We are most concerned about YOU Angel. If he is not going to be the support you need right now. Then he is just going to make you feel bad and that is not going to help you in your recovery. Find those friends and family that will be your support.

All you can do is tell him you are trying to change and you know all the pain that you caused ..that is why you are quitting. He needs to respect that and stop dragging you through the mud. We already do that to ourselves and life is hard enough.

Sheesh Men !! They are the greatest and the worst.

Take care of you, Angel. That's what I keep having to tell myself when life's obstacles keep trying to bring me down.

boop64132

Angel,
All you can do is ask him to forgive you.And also forgive yourself.
It takes time I guess,but maybe the both of you can work on it and be able to save your relationship.

Its very hard for them to understand that we are not "us" when we are using.
That we do things that we wouldnt normally do when we are using.And say things we wouldnt normally say!
Sending prayers your way! Dont give up!

CarolD

The men I loved when drinking were not the ones I wanted to have once I got sober.

I wanted to find men who had the same goals and spiritual life I was living. And I did!

Lovers come and go..but we always have ourselves.

Jhana

Hello Angel,

10 days is quite an accomplishment! Remember, you are SO worth it; continue on this path for yourself and all the rest will sort itself out in ways that are rich in possibilities that none of us can imagine.

Keep going,
Gianna

livingfree

Angel- I'm sorry for the hurt that you feel. It does get better. We can't expect them to forgive everything that we have done immediately. I will take time. A lot of old hurts are hard to heal. Just be patient. Keep up with your program and remember we must first be okay with ourselves if we expect others to be okay with us. Congratulations on the 10 days. Keep up the great work. You are worth it.

Denise

MNGirlyGirl

Angel- Hang in there. You may want to ask him to go to Al-Anon so he can better understand your addiction. Lots of times when we get healthy and sober our loved ones don't. He was also a part of the addiction and had his own role. Now he probably doesn't know what his role is anymore. You should rent "28 Days" starring Sandra Bollock. It captures that whole element fairly well. Ten days is a huge accomplishment! Remember, these days are the hardest!!!!!

Kathy

CAPTAINZING2000

Time take time. Stay clean and sober show him the good person inside you. I never have figured this out. People stay in a sick relationship and when, the other person starts getting well, they leave



We're all pulling for you.

mike66

Anglehugs,
Im 86 days into this and it does get better. My wife of 10 years was going to leave me, but my actions started to show the changes in me and we are now reconsiling. She may not trust me for a while, but I cant control that, I can only control myself and my actions. I have made my amends with her and god. God has forgiven me and I have forgiven myself, but i cannot control if my wife ever forgives me and I cant let that get in the way of my sobriety. All i can do is be the best me that I can and try and do the next right thing. Good luck.
Choose sobriety, Choose Life.
Mike

BSPGirl

Congrats on the 10 days. Just please try to talk it over and if your bf doesn't understand it's his problem, not yours.

hopealwayz

He won't even talk to me now. It is all in God's hands. I have no control over what he chooses to do or if he will ever be able to forgive me. I can't worry about that. I can only focus on myself and do the best I can.

I think I just need to take some time away from him and us. I need to work on myself right now.

This hurts so much but I know that I can get thru these feelings.

livingfree

That's a great attitude Angel. I know that you can do this. I had to do the same thing and it's not easy but we always need to work on ourselves first. I'm glad you said that. My thoughts are with you.

MNGirlyGirl

Angel, You are so right! You can't control him. Be the best you that you can be and show him what he passed up!!

Chy

Unfortunatly the pain that is caused by our addiciton in our relationships takes a long time to heal. Ten days is to soon to expect anything to change or be resolved, give yourself a lot more time, work on you,, and if it is meant to be it is meant to be.

hopealwayz

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for the words of encouragement that you have provided to me. I can actually feel the concern and well wishes and it is good to know that I have people who will actually listen to me.

I know I will grow from this as a result. The only way out is thru is what I've heard. I guess I have some codependent issues that I need to work on to. I really need to focus on myself right now instead of worrying so much about helping him.

It isn't easy at all, but learning to love myself is something that I really need to work on. I have to stop beating myself up for not being perfect or pleasing people all of the time.

hopealwayz

I miss him and then get angry with myself because I miss him and just kinda feel like I'm falling apart without him. It is so hard to let go of a love. Sigh,,,wish I knew the way this thing would turn out.


not knowing is what is killing me. Bah.............