Stardreamer

I had finally had enough. After the battle that we had on Tuesday night he drank a bottle of wine on Wensday. He passes out and we hardly said two words to eachother that night. I tried to wake him up and talk to him but he would not move. I cried myself to sleep that night.

The next morning I decided that I was either going to leave or something had to change. I called into work and laid in bed. He got up to take a shower and knew that something was going on because I never call in. When he got out I had not moved and was planning on going to look at apartments that day. He then sat on the edge of the bed and started to cry. He told me he was sorry for the way things have been and that we would do anything to change. He said he did not want my daughter or I leaving. I asked if this was true and he said yes completely.

I got up and took my daughter to school and went running. While I was at the park I decided that if he was going to change I needed to get help to and with all I have read I decided to find a meeting. I went and was glad that I did - I didn't feel alone after that.

Later that night I told him I had gone and he just asked why. I said that I needed understanding of all of this to. He didn't say anything after that.

So now here I am - getting ready for the weekend wondering what it will bring. I have found a meeting that has an AA meeting that is at the same time so I am going to find a babysitter and try to get him to come - that wil be interesting.

But I wanted to share and thank you all for listening and your advice!!!

Minx1969

((stardreamer))...Yeah! Keep going back it works! One of the best things I did was immediately find a sponsor and start working the steps..

cwohio

stardreamer - i am so glad you found a meeting - suggest but if he doesn't go, continue to go for YOU!

walkingtheline

What a marvelous gift you've given yourself and I applaud the courage it took to walk in for the very first time. :great

Do not worry if he goes or not. This is about YOU and YOUR life.

Some meetings offer babysitting or perhaps your child has a friend whose mom also wants to attend a class or meeting and you can trade.

Minx said it best:

cloudy

I am glad you got to go and took a day off for you. I really like Alanon. I waited a year and then found my favorite meeting and now I have 2 that I like to go to every week. It helps a lot.

CW, your cat no longer looks like mine but he sure does act like him! :-)

Cynay

Congrads to you!!!

I too went to my first meeting this last week. The person I would think to sponsor me is a little scarry though *chuckles just kidding*

nocellphone

Star and Cy!

I applaud your courage in going to your first meetings! It ain't the easiest thing, walking through those doors for the first time. For me, it was actually more difficult to go back for the second time. I just wasn't ready to face myself yet. There was waaaaaaay too much health and sanity in those rooms, and what the hell did I know about those things? All I knew was how to behave like the alcoholics in my life. Going back to meetings meant I might have to, *gulp!*, make some changes...

I cannot tell you all how grateful I am that I went back for that second meeting, and the third, and the fourth, and...

I'm also eternally grateful to the newcomers who show up that first time. They insure that I always have a place to go for my own recovery!

Cynay

Thanks... my next one is Sunday and though I know I need to do this Im not at the place where I want to as yet.

That seems strange to say, but its true. Sometimes I resent the fact that because I choose to be with an A, Im messed up and have to work on me... lets try this again. We are no longer together but I still have to "recover" from this disease... that is the part that ticks me off.

Minx1969

But Cynay - you have been affected by the "Family" disease of alcoholism..

that's one of the reason I am in Alanon..

Cynay

I know I know...

But its kinda like a person who tries very hard to practice safe sex. Is careful about her partner, uses protection, does not participate in causal relationships etc....

Then BOOM.... pick the wrong one,,, just once and your infected and have to deal with it.

I know in my head there is a reason and Im going to come out a stronger/healthier person... but right now Im just in shock, I had thought this would be like others and I would get over it. Im realizing that is not the case and it ticks me off sometimes

Minx1969

But you were affected before your exABF correct?

Cynay

You know, that is something else Im working on figuring out. Coming from a parent that was and having married and A too I would have to say yes. After theraphy repairing or releasing those relationships was not hard like this one is.... SO Im not sure why this one has effected me the way it has, and Im not sure I will ever find out the answer to that.... only that it has and now I have to fix me and the way I look at it.

Maybe its the straw that broke the camels back theory... and I can probably spend forever trying to figure it out... and probably get much more upset or angry Or I can accept that this is what is and figure out how to fix it. Most of the time I work on the fix, but this week Im just angry and hurt.

Sometimes I just get like that... then I will work myself out of it and get on with living... this week is just a struggle for some reason, and Im in the vent mood

minnie

Well done, girls, on getting to a meeting. It'll feel a bit odd at first, but please give it at least 6 before you decide. Each meeting is different - different people, different topics.