The lonely feelings are getting to me
Fantastic Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
The lonely feelings are getting to me
Hi Everybody..........
I am really starting to feel the blues from this whole ordeal. I find I am sleeping for at least an hour every evening ...I am not sure if it because I never sat, relaxed and watched TV...cause I avoided the A at all cost, or if I am becoming depressed. I was always on the computer...every night when he was home cause he was passed out! I am stsrting to look at his GOOD things tonight...and that scares me too. One second I miss him ...the next I don't.
My brain is working overtime..........wondring how I will deal with life if I have to be ALONE....for the rest of my time on this earth. That has me scared to death, I see my Mother with no one even close to her( we all live far away) no one but a few friends and so dependant...so frail. Wow.......... I could go crazy thinking about it.
The last few days have been tough, the A has many more pal around single friends...NONE of mine are single.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH vent vent
Love
Blue Kitty
I am really starting to feel the blues from this whole ordeal. I find I am sleeping for at least an hour every evening ...I am not sure if it because I never sat, relaxed and watched TV...cause I avoided the A at all cost, or if I am becoming depressed. I was always on the computer...every night when he was home cause he was passed out! I am stsrting to look at his GOOD things tonight...and that scares me too. One second I miss him ...the next I don't.
My brain is working overtime..........wondring how I will deal with life if I have to be ALONE....for the rest of my time on this earth. That has me scared to death, I see my Mother with no one even close to her( we all live far away) no one but a few friends and so dependant...so frail. Wow.......... I could go crazy thinking about it.
The last few days have been tough, the A has many more pal around single friends...NONE of mine are single.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH vent vent
Love
Blue Kitty
Paused
Join Date: May 2002
Location: The Plains, VA USA
Posts: 22
Hang in there! I've heard on this board before "fake it till you make it". Time will help those second thoughts from creeping in. I think its really hard when you're use to being with someone to suddenly not be around that person, even if they were passed out most of the time. The A seems to just drink away that loneliness with other drinking buddies or alone .... not much help here, sorry - Again, hang in there.
Lots of love - Sherri
Lots of love - Sherri
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Kitty,
It's natural for you to go thru all of those feelings. You are healing some and working thru the relationship when you get past the angry, hurtful memories and move on to being able to remember some of the good things too.
It may be time for you to reach out and make some new friendships. Do you have a local al anon group? Perhaps you can find some people there who would like to go to a movie or something else... and although it feels like it now, you won't be alone forever. You are much too vibrant a person to be alone!
You might want to read the Just For Today 2 post... it reminds you that you don't have to make any major decisions today... you can take one day and be happy!
Hang in there, kiddo, and know that we are here for you
Osier59
It's natural for you to go thru all of those feelings. You are healing some and working thru the relationship when you get past the angry, hurtful memories and move on to being able to remember some of the good things too.
It may be time for you to reach out and make some new friendships. Do you have a local al anon group? Perhaps you can find some people there who would like to go to a movie or something else... and although it feels like it now, you won't be alone forever. You are much too vibrant a person to be alone!
You might want to read the Just For Today 2 post... it reminds you that you don't have to make any major decisions today... you can take one day and be happy!
Hang in there, kiddo, and know that we are here for you
Osier59
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
blue kitty
Hi Kitty,
I think I found a picture of you. Try not to be so impatient with yourself. You just made a big change and it's going to take some time to adjust.
Hugs,
Smoke
I think I found a picture of you. Try not to be so impatient with yourself. You just made a big change and it's going to take some time to adjust.
Hugs,
Smoke
Guest
Posts: n/a
Kitty,
I think the wierdest thing is that I can go through a whole day without talking. I just talk to myself when that happens. It just gets too quiet.
I have the cats now I can talk to so I don't look so crazy. It is going to take a long time to get over your relationship. You guys were together a long time.
I don't think you will be alone for the rest of your life. Try not to worry about the future.
Hugs,
MG
I think the wierdest thing is that I can go through a whole day without talking. I just talk to myself when that happens. It just gets too quiet.
I have the cats now I can talk to so I don't look so crazy. It is going to take a long time to get over your relationship. You guys were together a long time.
I don't think you will be alone for the rest of your life. Try not to worry about the future.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Hey guess what Kitty?? I'm here to tell you those feelings do not stay around long. You think that they will but they will pass. I slept alot too, I think its a way not to deal with our thoughts...do what gets you through the day, rest is good for you. I mean dang...you did just move a 2 ton elephant out of your living room.
Relax, let your mind go, expressing how you feel is all apart of this. You can do it!
Love ya!
Relax, let your mind go, expressing how you feel is all apart of this. You can do it!
Love ya!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Butler Pa
Posts: 77
Kitty
Sounds like you are experiencing the demon fear which can cause you to do irrational things like giving your addict another chance although he has proved over and over and over again that his addiction comes first.
As we do in the AA program. .think it through. We were always told to think about the last drink we took. .the one that brought us to our knees. .so I say, think about the last horrible situation /drama that occured with your addict and remember it is all waiting for you again if you decide to "pick up again"
Blessings Mo
Sounds like you are experiencing the demon fear which can cause you to do irrational things like giving your addict another chance although he has proved over and over and over again that his addiction comes first.
As we do in the AA program. .think it through. We were always told to think about the last drink we took. .the one that brought us to our knees. .so I say, think about the last horrible situation /drama that occured with your addict and remember it is all waiting for you again if you decide to "pick up again"
Blessings Mo
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
******{Kitty}}}}
Give yourself time to grieve, and to learn to love yourself just as you are. The rest will come when you are ready. You have gone from familiar chaos to unknown peace and it takes adjustment just to get your balance.
Give yourself time to grieve, and to learn to love yourself just as you are. The rest will come when you are ready. You have gone from familiar chaos to unknown peace and it takes adjustment just to get your balance.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Kitty,
From Courage to Change, Sept 16
In the face of seemingly impossible problems, it is easy to believe that our most negative thoughts reflect the truth. They plead the worst case scenario in a very convincing way, until it almost seems frivolous to consider a positive outcome. Yet the loudest voice is not necessarily the truest. No matter how insistent a feeling may be, it is just a feeling, not a prophecy. We don't get to know today what will happen tomorrow. Counting on any particular outcome can lead to disappointment, but sometimes it helps to remember that a positive outcome is just as likely as a negative one We are powerless over the results of our actions. We can try to make wise choices today, but what will happen in the future is out of our hands. Since we can't know what to expect, why not trust that a Higher Power can use whatever happens to further our growth?
From Courage to Change, Sept 16
In the face of seemingly impossible problems, it is easy to believe that our most negative thoughts reflect the truth. They plead the worst case scenario in a very convincing way, until it almost seems frivolous to consider a positive outcome. Yet the loudest voice is not necessarily the truest. No matter how insistent a feeling may be, it is just a feeling, not a prophecy. We don't get to know today what will happen tomorrow. Counting on any particular outcome can lead to disappointment, but sometimes it helps to remember that a positive outcome is just as likely as a negative one We are powerless over the results of our actions. We can try to make wise choices today, but what will happen in the future is out of our hands. Since we can't know what to expect, why not trust that a Higher Power can use whatever happens to further our growth?
Paused
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: California
Posts: 8
Hey Kitty,
Ditto to everything that's been said to you here. It comes from the "been there, done that" group.
I'm a part of Alanon for many moons now and I've acquired so many gifts and treasures that I never thought possible... things like self-esteem and self-confidence, independence, and friendships.
I was completely dependent on my alcoholic husband for my happiness and well being. If he was a good boy and behaved himself, I was totally elated. If he misbehaved again, I was totally devastated. Talk about a Yo Yo.
When I felt so terribly lonely, I forced myself to call my sponsor and she said I was feeling sorry for myself because nobody was beating down my door to entertain me!! As you can tell, she was tough. She encouraged me to do something for someone, to volunteer, to get out among people.
But I also learned that when I thought about the future, I somehow always managed to project in the negative. It really does work however, to envision the good things.
I hope you'll come back often, share, and keep making progress.
Ditto to everything that's been said to you here. It comes from the "been there, done that" group.
I'm a part of Alanon for many moons now and I've acquired so many gifts and treasures that I never thought possible... things like self-esteem and self-confidence, independence, and friendships.
I was completely dependent on my alcoholic husband for my happiness and well being. If he was a good boy and behaved himself, I was totally elated. If he misbehaved again, I was totally devastated. Talk about a Yo Yo.
When I felt so terribly lonely, I forced myself to call my sponsor and she said I was feeling sorry for myself because nobody was beating down my door to entertain me!! As you can tell, she was tough. She encouraged me to do something for someone, to volunteer, to get out among people.
But I also learned that when I thought about the future, I somehow always managed to project in the negative. It really does work however, to envision the good things.
I hope you'll come back often, share, and keep making progress.
Paused
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
((((((((( Kitty ))))))))))
Ditto to everything that was said here. All I can say is that it does get easier and life gets better!!! I know the pain you're feeling right now and it's th pitts but try not to let your mind play tricks on you. It's easy to play down all the bad stuff and think well maybe it wasn't so bad afterall.
I know you're lonely now but you were lonely when the A was around the only difference is you had all of the constant chaos to keep you busy so you didn't have time to think about YOU!! Now that you do have time - those feelings that were suppressed for all of that time are finally coming to surface. Hang in there sweetie, I know you'll get through this all will be just fine.
My heart goes out to you..
Love,
Galnva
Ditto to everything that was said here. All I can say is that it does get easier and life gets better!!! I know the pain you're feeling right now and it's th pitts but try not to let your mind play tricks on you. It's easy to play down all the bad stuff and think well maybe it wasn't so bad afterall.
I know you're lonely now but you were lonely when the A was around the only difference is you had all of the constant chaos to keep you busy so you didn't have time to think about YOU!! Now that you do have time - those feelings that were suppressed for all of that time are finally coming to surface. Hang in there sweetie, I know you'll get through this all will be just fine.
My heart goes out to you..
Love,
Galnva
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
(((Kitty))) Such good advice from all! Boy, how I can relate to what you are saying. I was married to my second A husband for 7 years and I finally threw him out as I just couldn't take the insanity any longer. Our fights were so bad that there was one where I threw a butcher knife at him (luckily I have a bad aim). I was so terribly unhappy being married to him and being second best to his addiction, as well as everything else. But when he was gone, the house was so quiet and I started to feel so very lonely. I had moved to his city and so all "our" friends were "his" friends. I would cry and cry and think that I had made a horrible mistake, gradually forgetting how awful it was to be in a sick relationship. After a time, all I thought about was the good times that we had had, and not about all the bad times. I was so lonely that I eventually made the mistake of getting involved with him again, even though he was seeing someone else! It's hard to even believe that I could have been so stupid! Because, of course, all I did was give myself even more heartache. And as you might guess, I was the one that ended up getting rejected in favour of his new girlfriend.
Anyway, Kitty, I just wanted to say to please be strong and don't let your loneliness push you back to that awful place that you have just come from. I totally understand the way that you feel, but things will get better. You just have to hang on and remember that you are so much better than that. I, too, used to think that I would be alone for the rest of my life, but unless you are thinking about joining a nunnery, I don't think you will be
It's normal to go through a grieving process when when a marriage or long-term relationship ends. It is a kind of death - the death of life as you knew it, and you are now starting a new life that will hopefully be so much more than what you had. Also, sleep away! The stress that you have been through, and are still going through, is so hard on your body, so get all the rest that you can. If you find yourself sleeping to escape, however, see your doctor and maybe a mild antidepressant will help you through these early days of change.
Be strong, Kitty - you can do it!
Love and hugs
Anyway, Kitty, I just wanted to say to please be strong and don't let your loneliness push you back to that awful place that you have just come from. I totally understand the way that you feel, but things will get better. You just have to hang on and remember that you are so much better than that. I, too, used to think that I would be alone for the rest of my life, but unless you are thinking about joining a nunnery, I don't think you will be
It's normal to go through a grieving process when when a marriage or long-term relationship ends. It is a kind of death - the death of life as you knew it, and you are now starting a new life that will hopefully be so much more than what you had. Also, sleep away! The stress that you have been through, and are still going through, is so hard on your body, so get all the rest that you can. If you find yourself sleeping to escape, however, see your doctor and maybe a mild antidepressant will help you through these early days of change.
Be strong, Kitty - you can do it!
Love and hugs
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