sunshinebluesky

for most of the four months when the ex and i were trying to stay "friends", he would drive me nuts by still calling me "baby", having a debate over why,IF we were out together,he couldnt hold my hand and/or kiss me, still whining and complaining about money, his job, etc. it would just about always be him who would initiate a phone call. but then if i didnt hear anything from him for a few straight days,honestly it would depress me. then,bam there he was again-and it started all over.I sure as hell didnt want to be with him because of his reminders of what i was missing!!! well after the situation last week,with the email about me watching his cat while he goes to bike week,i stopped all communication except for email.(after i told him off in a big way) havent heard much from him,just a line or two here and there, and some discussion over what we are gonna do about the cell he has,that is on my plan(i cant believe i was so stupid there!!(i do trust him as far as the money, he is very good that way, but duh) ,and one was telling me he had some of my clothes to return. he wanted to take them to work and give them to the other driver i work with,when he goes to his shop. i told him no,i didnt like doing that stuff at work, he could put them in a plastic bag and leave them on his porch. a couple days later, i put a bag inside his door of his things, and mine werent on the porch yet.its now been like four days,and his last email he tells me he hasnt gotten them together,he will let me know when he does. its just a drawer of stuff!! you scoop it up,put it in a bag. done.
but anyway, my point is now that there is very little contact, i find myself very depressed. i dont want his lifestyle mixed with mine, yet im feeling really ******. damn, i hate this.
add to that, every time i think about meeting someone else i am so gun shy from ALL the men i have known, that i dont think i will ever trust anyone fully.
and its not about cheating,its about all the other kinds of things that go hand in hand with trust.

DefofLov

I am really sorry you are feeling all of this confusion.

I wish you clarity and peace, keep reaching for it and you will find it. Trust me. ~Def

sunshinebluesky

i think that was your poem i just read!! guess im not the only one,huh? thank you so much. all of you.

DefofLov

You are definitely not alone..*sigh*

DefofLov

Oh no sweetheart is not a lover...LOL...sounds like one though huh?

It is my mother I am mostly writing about. We haven't talked since mother's day...le sigh...

~~~~~~~

FriendofBill

[QUOTE=sunshinebluesky] my point is now that there is very little contact, i find myself very depressed. i dont want his lifestyle mixed with mine, yet im feeling really ******. damn, i hate this.QUOTE]

"We admitted we were powerless over ALCOHOL (And people, places, things), and our lives had become unmanageable".

This is addiction and he is your drug.

sunshinebluesky

DAMN, all that and nicotine too!!! lol....but you are right! im smart enough to realize it will take time for the cravings to go away,but as everyone knows its a slooooooooow process!! im staying pretty strong,resisting any urges to contact him for any reason, and limiting my answers to the once in awhile emails to very few lines. so i guess im gettin there. havent been feeling well the last couple days and it makes you wonder if the illness makes you depressed,or the depression makes you sick???!!!
and shadylady is partly right. i dont think he ever knew me quite well enough to push specific buttons, but i do think he plays the game. such as stay away,make her want you-----hang on to something she'll have to get later-etc,etc---and i'm also sure he goes thru exactly what i do, as in one day missing me,and the next saying-enough-im moving on with my life...................gee,im actually starting to make sense