Hey Hyrdo People.
still moment by moment
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: on my way back to me
Posts: 83
Hey Hyrdo People.
I was reading some of my past posts because last night I did something stupid.
In the midst of my crazy Hyrdo habit that lasted longer than I can admit but at least two years.... I got to stashing my little friends all over the house. I mean ALL OVER the house. Well... the problem with that now is.... I still find them on occasion. So. Last night I found some in the basement in a drawer with my stuff... blah blah blah.
Oh you bettcha I took them. I took 4 last night. And then I took 4 today. And of course - I got absolutely NOTHING out of the experience except the repetitive knowledge that I am POWERLESS. See - I didn't feel powerless when I took them - I thought I would enjoy a few for "old times sake" or some other demented reason. Whatever - I"m still on suboxone so I feel nothing. Cheated. And, the ever present stupid. Wasn't I just talking about my rediscovering what an orgasm was?
ANYWAY.... so I was reading the posts from all of my buddies here on SR and I have this to say today.
1. Where is Wolverine? I see that you've been here today but no posts? Are you lurking? Are you clean or do you want to start over with me?
2. Who else is out there today that has eaten opiates against their will in the last month? I know I've "chatted" with about 10 of you that are fairly new to life without our friend vicodin. (the blues...day2day....etc...) Have you spent all of May opiate free? Or do you want to start over again with me?
3. I detoxed on January 31st. I have eated pills on about 7 different occassions since that day. I haven't exactly fully relapsed - more like I"ve cheated. But still - I am back to DAY #1 - AGAIN.
4. Again - I will tell you - I am so disappointed with my slip. Not that I slipped - that my slipped fell terribly short of my expectation. I just can't get that great high any more. It is over for me apparently. (dammit) I have heard that AA ruins drinking for you. Well this whole recovery cult (oooh I mean culture) has ruined opiates for me. They just don't live up to the fantasy in my head any more. I really am almost done with this whole f**king thing. I may be finally be done trying sobriety on for size. I may actually be ready to buy.
So enough of my blathering for the day.
The GREAT NEW is that LOST is on tonight. I LOVE that show.
Oh... and I am still taking comments on Step 4....
Have a swell sober afternoon and if you want me to slip for you and tell you how disappointing it was to save you the time - let me know. I am getting fairly good at it.
In the midst of my crazy Hyrdo habit that lasted longer than I can admit but at least two years.... I got to stashing my little friends all over the house. I mean ALL OVER the house. Well... the problem with that now is.... I still find them on occasion. So. Last night I found some in the basement in a drawer with my stuff... blah blah blah.
Oh you bettcha I took them. I took 4 last night. And then I took 4 today. And of course - I got absolutely NOTHING out of the experience except the repetitive knowledge that I am POWERLESS. See - I didn't feel powerless when I took them - I thought I would enjoy a few for "old times sake" or some other demented reason. Whatever - I"m still on suboxone so I feel nothing. Cheated. And, the ever present stupid. Wasn't I just talking about my rediscovering what an orgasm was?
ANYWAY.... so I was reading the posts from all of my buddies here on SR and I have this to say today.
1. Where is Wolverine? I see that you've been here today but no posts? Are you lurking? Are you clean or do you want to start over with me?
2. Who else is out there today that has eaten opiates against their will in the last month? I know I've "chatted" with about 10 of you that are fairly new to life without our friend vicodin. (the blues...day2day....etc...) Have you spent all of May opiate free? Or do you want to start over again with me?
3. I detoxed on January 31st. I have eated pills on about 7 different occassions since that day. I haven't exactly fully relapsed - more like I"ve cheated. But still - I am back to DAY #1 - AGAIN.
4. Again - I will tell you - I am so disappointed with my slip. Not that I slipped - that my slipped fell terribly short of my expectation. I just can't get that great high any more. It is over for me apparently. (dammit) I have heard that AA ruins drinking for you. Well this whole recovery cult (oooh I mean culture) has ruined opiates for me. They just don't live up to the fantasy in my head any more. I really am almost done with this whole f**king thing. I may be finally be done trying sobriety on for size. I may actually be ready to buy.
So enough of my blathering for the day.
The GREAT NEW is that LOST is on tonight. I LOVE that show.
Oh... and I am still taking comments on Step 4....
Have a swell sober afternoon and if you want me to slip for you and tell you how disappointing it was to save you the time - let me know. I am getting fairly good at it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
Girl, just pick yourself back up and try again. I know what it's like to slip, I'm just coming back up again from the last one.
In April, I ate about 90 Vicodin in about a week................I found a new love and a new enemy........so now I have cravings for both hydrocodone and coke.............*not fun*
I didn't give up and I hope you don't either.
In April, I ate about 90 Vicodin in about a week................I found a new love and a new enemy........so now I have cravings for both hydrocodone and coke.............*not fun*
I didn't give up and I hope you don't either.
still moment by moment
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: on my way back to me
Posts: 83
oooooooooooooooh Hope. Don't do the coke.... I heard that was awesome and I am sure I would love it.
It is so funny. I am so snobby that I am sure that I would never get into anything as stupid as cocaine.
HAHAHAHAHA. I'm so stupid. Like prescription medication is so much higher class.
I crack myself up.
Hope. Start over with me. So far - so good.
It is so funny. I am so snobby that I am sure that I would never get into anything as stupid as cocaine.
HAHAHAHAHA. I'm so stupid. Like prescription medication is so much higher class.
I crack myself up.
Hope. Start over with me. So far - so good.
Learning to love me.
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: on my way
Posts: 617
Erin, we're right here. It's amazing how we can get sucked right back in isn't it? I've been doing great, but I KNOW if I came across any, I would take them. Suboxone and all, I'd take them.
Hang in, get to a meeting, and keep posting.
Hang in, get to a meeting, and keep posting.
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